I am hoping that you can help me understand my WH as he goes through withdrawal. I have read several posts that say withdrawal is "tough", "some of the roughest days", "really hard to not give into the temptation to contact". But what are the symptoms that WS, especially WH, exibited?<P>My WH has told me, on more than one occasion, that he is breaking contact with OW. I have believed him that he has not been the one to make the contact, but he hasn't refused to talk with her when she calls. <P>We are now one week, to the day, for his last contact, that I know, he has had with her. That was the 1st time he has told her he didn't want her to call him. Before she was the one breaking it off with him, only to continue to call him. <P>I can't figure out the difference in "withdrawal" and "just waiting for him to give in again". He seemed to be depressed this past Sat, but ok again yesterday.<P>How do you really believe they are trying and not judge every move WS makes? I am so afraid of him not being strong enough to resist the temptation to contact her and that I will be so hurt again that I am afraid to let my guard down. But yet I do love him so much and want to believe in him and not question everything he says or does. <P>Is there anything that a BS can do to help the WS get through withdrawal? Any advice on dealing with this timeframe? Please post any suggestions.<BR>

HB:<P>Having been on both sides of this (as the BS and then WS), I would sum it up thus:<P>It is no different than any other addiction. He will feel regret, guilt, shame ... and, at times, miss his "addiction", a whole gamut of emotions.<P>Think of recovery in a marriage as being no different than any other addiction treatment. Instead of methadone, however, you are providing emotional needs fulfillment in the framework of the rules of time, care, protection and honesty; combined with good counseling for you both.<P>In time, the "addictive" behavior will be supplanted by a new, expanded relationship ... in essence, he will be re-addicted to you.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Heartbreak,<BR>If a WS wants to recover their marriage, further contact does set them back...but sometimes the contact also does not meet their needs. They talk to the OP, but realize how much that will hurt the spouse, and if they really don't want to hurt the spouse anymore, they finally "get" the inappropriateness of further contact and don't want to be the kind of person that hurts their spouse. Almost a "I'm stronger than this, aren't I?" sort of self-esteem issue.<P>Or, realize that even though they are curious about how the OP is, a single conversation doesn't take care of it...the next day, time has passed and they still wonder how the OP is...and that they just have to get by that curiousity, let is pass, let it die away.<P>Determining whether your WS is trustworthy or not takes times. Their accountability & honesty hasten the process. But if you can make up your mind not to lovebust, give them some time, be positive & loving in your behavior--that's a good role to take.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8