Wow! I haven't seen this topic in awhile, so I guess I'll go for it. Yep, happened at 9:17 AM ET. I found this site in July 2000 about a week after I discovered her affair. So far, it's a weight off my shoulders, but I'm sure the feelings of betrayal will emerge from time to time. 12<BR>years of marriage (me 41 her 42)<P>It was a long and winding road. In March 2000, she tells me her feelings have changed" and she wants me go to a counselor she's been seeing for 5 months. Up to that point, I saw nary an indication of any problem. The long and short of it was she reconnected with her HS sweetheart from 25 years ago, something I discovered the day she filed. She essentially used counseling to secure a separation and to try to mediate a flight out of state. The moving away part is what really killed any chance for Plan A although I tried like heck. For anyone wondering if your spouse is having an affair, if you feel it in your gut, you are probably right.<P>She was granted permission from court a year ago to move 3 hours away with our 5 year old daughter. A custody evaluation was performed. The guy (me) lost, as usual. This is the toughest part for me, along with having to sell our dream home. I didn't want to have regrets about not trying for custody down the road. IMHO, I am the real parent of our daughter. Her mother likes to hang with the guys doing shots of Rumpleminze at the local gin mill while her "oh so adoring" mother and sister babysit. I did get one concession though, she has to do most of the driving for visitation.<P>The whole experience has had some good points in spite of all the pain. I was able to face my shortcomings and be cognizant of them. However, I don't believe I deserved what I got.<P>Driving to the rural town in west central NJ today, I put on a local college radio station about 20 miles from court. I heard a long bootleg version of "Rain & Snow" by the Grateful Dead. Pretty appropriate, eh? <P>Anyway, this is a good place, I'll check in from time to time. There are a lot of spiritual people here, most of whom have very shallow spouses. The "FOG" is a real thing, on that you can rely. I am contemplating Plan A after the divorce, not to win her back, but just to make her one day regret robbing our daughter of the proper family upbringing and realize what a slug she's involved with; and he is a<BR>slug, trust me. I know right now, I'm better off without her, but developing the proper relationship with my precious daughter is a difficult task indeed.<P>I guess I'm now a member of the "Disney Land Dad" Association of Modern Progressive Men.<P>Oh, one other thing, of the 12 scheduled hearings today, 10 of them listed the wife as the plaintiff. Until the pendulum swings the other way regarding custody, this will be the norm.<P>We had to swear to tell the truth today with our left hand on the Bible. Wish I could've opened it to Proverbs 5 & 7 and read them aloud to the court.<P> Take care all.<P> Jay B.

cat,<BR>I am sorry for your loss today, sounds like you are doing rather well, consideriing, I like your ides to still planA, your daughter will be the true benfactor for that.<P>You mentioned XW is with old HS sweetheart, same sstory for me, says that he has always truly loved her and their love is so unique blah blah blah. H is 40, OW 40 wonder if it's the age thing? H says it is not a MLC. Yours was about the 4th story in the last week or so to involve someone from so far back.<P>Just thought I would share, as so much in common.<P>Dawn

Hi Catamount,<P>You and I came on-board to MB around the same time, I joined in May 2K, as Resilient in June 2K. I remember you and your story.<P>I'm so sorry. I too am D as of June 13th. It takes time to adjust. Give yourself all the time you need. Don't be in a hurry for anything, especially getting involved again. <P>I just don't know how people made it thru this type of thing before MB. Personally, I don't think I would have survived.<P>Be strong and take care of your daughter as best you can. <P>Prayers and strength to you, Cat.<P>Love,<BR>Jo