Well,my wife(ws) came over today and right away I noticed a very large hickie on her neck.<P>I have been doing pretty well at not thinking about her and the om in that way but she took that away from me now.I told her it made me sick and she has two weeks to make a decision...Now I feel like crud for giving her a period of time to decide...What if can or is there anything I can do?

You can't take that LB back....but you can explain to her why it made you so upset.<BR>I've been there.<P>I told my WH that it was disgusting....it was like he was a tree....and she was a dog marking her territory.<BR>I don't really think that in the fog they so exactly how much the OP has control over them.<BR>What really got to my WH though was the fact that it upset our oldest daughter. I told him that the OW should respect the fact that they upset her.....and then she did it again not but a week later.<P>Sorry I couldn't be of much help.

I'd suggest that the best approach is to tell her something along the lines of: you are sorry that you reacted in that way, but that since you love her so deeply, although you try hard to understand, sometimes your emotions get the best of you and you say things like that, because this hurts you very much.<P>See what you can do with that and maybe add something about giving her some time.<P>When you LB the only thing you can do is apologize and learn from it.

Hey Pal,<P>I'm so sorry your wife disrespected you that way--showing up looking like that in front of you and the kids without even bothering to cover her neck. What's up with that?????????? <P>I don't blame you for making a selfish demand, but you can take it back. You can just tell her that when you saw that lovebite on her neck, you lost it because it hurt you very much but that you are not going to stand by any ultimatums. Tell her that your love is better than that and that you are willing to wait for her to decide if and when she is ready to return.<P>IMHO, that's all you can do. Is it fair? HECK NO! Is it easy? NOT IN THE LEAST! But, you have a lot at stake here and you want her to come home with no 2nd thoughts of OM, so she has to have the time to wake up. Good thing you have the Lord to help you and your kids through all this. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Always remember that.<P>I think Plan A is designed for like a 6 month period(?) and Plan B (separation) is designed to protect your love for your spouse. Try not to worry. Thank God HE gives us as many chances as we need to get it (LIFE) right!!! Keep the faith! <3<3<3

Well,I just got off the phone with her.I told her I was sorry for the way I acted and the things I said.I told her what I saw really upset and hurt me and I let my emotions get the best of me.I went on to say if she needs more time to take it.<P>THen she talked to our kids on the phone...phone back to me,she told me she loves me and will see me later this afternoon when she gets off work.I wont hold my breath based on other broken promises but I told her I will look foward to seeing her.<P>I used a soft gentle voice when I talked to her,hopfully it will be ok.

She said she loves you???? Well I have not heard that from my h since well before he left...I know it looks hopeless to you, but she is willing to say that to you. When I tell my h that I love him or we love him he THANKS me!!! Or says nothing at all. <P>So you are doing better than you think.<P>BTW, I too have had the experience of the love bite on the neck...wow that really sucks, hey?

Yeah,it sucks...<P>Actually,she has always told me she loves me.When we pray together she always askes God to let me know she loves me very much.She also kisses and hugs me.But,I am an action speaks louder than words kind of guy and her showing up with that love bite and telling me she cant make up her mind etc. that really hurts and make me feel like crud.

Owen,<BR>I think that OM wants to hurt you and THAT's why he put the hickey on her neck. Do you want to give OM that much power? One thing that has helped me (although I've been pretty helpless at times, as well) is that I KNOW that God is FOR marriage, and AGAINST adultry. I KNOW that my relationship with my H is sanctioned by GOD THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR. I know that OW's relationship with my H will NEVER be right in the eyes of GOD THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR. Be a Christlike example to your W, even if it kills you. Are reward for this behavior may not come of this world, but we WILL be rewarded in heaven...

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Myownme:<BR><B>Owen,<BR>I think that OM wants to hurt you and THAT's why he put the hickey on her neck. Do you want to give OM that much power? One thing that has helped me (although I've been pretty helpless at times, as well) is that I KNOW that God is FOR marriage, and AGAINST adultry. I KNOW that my relationship with my H is sanctioned by GOD THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR. I know that OW's relationship with my H will NEVER be right in the eyes of GOD THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR. Be a Christlike example to your W, even if it kills you. Are reward for this behavior may not come of this world, but we WILL be rewarded in heaven...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Amen myownme.<BR>I now look back at the time my W was having her secreat A. There was a time she had a hickey on her neck and I reacted, but truely could not believe it could be, and she said her neckless got tangled or something like that. That is the most physical thing I am now haunted by.

I think he does want to hurt me. I am sure of it...<P>Doing a bit of thinking.Yesterday she said she has told him she is thinking about coming home..I would guess he probably did this after that...she said she did not know it was there...whatever,how can you not notice a bruise on your neck the size of a silver dollar?<P>

Dear owen,<BR>I'm praying for your family with all my heart. Know this...<P>It sounds like you smoothed things over pretty good, IMO. I would tend to believe that she didn't realize it was there. She couldn't have shown up exposing it in her right mind? <P>I'm sure we have all have left the house in a mad rush and not taken one look in a mirror to give the once over. Then, out in public we notice a big spot on our clothes or something embarrassing like that. She said she loves you and I'll give it to you that you can't put a whole lot of credibility in her words, but still, she said it. Keep your peace and take her intention to come over with a grain of salt, if she shows up fine, if she doesn't fine. Hopefully she didn't tell the kids she was coming...

Well,she actually showed up and stayed for close to 2 hours.We had a really good visit.We played with the kids for a while then before she left,as usual we went into the bedroom to talk for a few minutes.We usually just talk and pray together,which we did today.I again told her I was sorry for the way I acted yesterday,I said,if you can put your self in my shoes for a minute and imagine seeing what I saw,she said...I know and Im sorry.It sounded like she meant it and did not force it out just to shut me up so...that was good.

Yes that sounds good. You are very newly into this I gather? It's going to take what we all hate to hear around here, time and patience. Work on yourself and be as lb'ing-less as you can be. I really think there is a good chance for you and your W. Hold her when she's there, if she doesn't seem to mind...try to ignore the lies for now, she really doesn't know what she is doing. Believe me...