Can anyone give me some advice? My h started his 12hr. shift yesterday 7:00pm-7:00am, Okay he should have been home around 9:00am we are only about an hour from manhattan and then by the time he gets off the train and changes he should arrive around 9:30 the latest, he did not come home until 1:00pm. I tried to beep him several times no reply tried his cell phone not on??wonder if he was really working???? anyway when he finally returned home and went to bed I went snooping(I couldn't help it, usually when I get the urge to snoop it usually means I am going to find something)Well what I found would be no big deal unless of course your a BS, I found freshly washed white t-shirts in a grocery bag nice and neatly folded, he needs these shirts under his uniform for work.(def. folded by a woman) okay I didn't do them My mom or his mom didn't do them and a laudromat didn't do them either because they don't have that laudromat smell also they smell like someone's home you that smell that everyone's home has, so who's left?? OW right!!!! I am raging mad, he has packed some of his things and was supposed to leave this week but with the terrorist attack he has not left yet. So stupid me tries to be nice and I say as long as there is no contact with OW anymore you can stay here until things calm down okay sounds simple with me working I really won't see him much anyway. I told him to please out of respect and decency if you are seeing OW you must leave I refuse to be made a fool of and he said he has not had contact with OW since I found out about A, what a lier!!!!!! Don't WS's have any respect even for thier kids!!! I am at my wits end do I throw his things out or do i just go on like I never found anything??? I know he is in contact with OW I feel it, you know when you got that gut feeling its usually right.My mom says don't say anything, She says the truth will come out in God's time and he will be the loser. To think I was starting to believe that maybe he did break it off What a jerk I am, can anyone help??? love Sally

Sally, you are not a jerk! You are just hurt! When I go snooping, I usually find something, too. But most times there is a LOGICAL explanation for it. But my mind is so "twisted" (he did that to me), that I start thinking the worst. Maybe he bought these t shirts, and already took them out of the plastic bag???? I don't know---maybe you should ask him---tell him it looks bad to you, and to tell you the truth (my opinion only). <P>I am giving you a GREAT BIG ((((((HUG)))))-----Can you ask in a non-LB-ing way?? <P>My opinion--- hope it helps!<P>Krystal

Thanks for your reply, I don't think I can ask him in a non-LB way especially the way I feel right now. the shirts def. were not new just washed and folded. Thanks for the hug. love sally

Although it doesn't feel like it right now, you are experiencing one small bump in the roller coaster ride. Being past these stages myself, I can see that more clearly now.<P>The MB way to deal with it, would be to approach your H in a non-LBing fashion. Tell him you were doing a bit of a clean up and found those shirts. Then ask him where he would like them to be put. Do NOT ask him how they got there, do NOT 'freak out' over them. By simply telling him you found them and want to know where he would like them, lets him know that you found them. That's all that matters, right?<P>Remember.. you are in plan A, and you want to make the most comfortable environment possible. You want to be the wife that no husband would dare want to be without. If you LB, you are not going to get ahead. You will only step that much farther backwards.<P>I do understand the want to 'freak out'. Goodness knows, I did PLENTY of that too. But I also know, that had I stopped all of that nonsense sooner, I would have started on the road to recovery sooner with my H too.<P>It's your call. But do yourself a favour, and step back for a moment. Look at the big picture. Are a few shirts worth risking your plan A efforts over? I doubt it.<P>Karen<BR>

Hi Karen, Thank you for your reply. If I say anything about the shirts he will know that I was snooping in his truck and that will def. cause a huge Lb. I know finding a bunch of shirts is so trival especially now with whats happening but I am feeling betrayed again. I have stopped plan A about a week ago H is supposed to leave has packed some of his things but hasn't left yet so I am going into planb. Guess finding the shirts shouldn't bother I mean he says he wants a seperation, but hasn't done anything expet but some of his things in his truck. I do not want him in this house if he is seeing OW again I am tired of it, its been almost 15 months of lying, cheating Etc.. I made that very clear to him and he agreed so why isn't he leaving?? I know he is seeing her, I have no proof except my gut. Sally

Hi Sally. I know it's hard to trust again and you're right he made you this way. Something else the WS's don't seem to understand is that their lies and deceit are what brought us to the snooping and mistrust in them. I know I am constantly questioning things my WH tells me in my head. Maybe you should just let the t-shirt issue go. Is it worth it only you can decide because you know you're H and the consequences it will bring. Good Luck.<BR>cybil

Dear Sally,<P>Shirts? Had one of those incidents. Wait, several those related stuff. <P>1. H goes out to buy new t-shirts and underwear? Yep. <BR> Why? Hm..... guess he wanted to let OW see him in new <BR> stuff. <P>2. I took a small bag with 1 day's worth of work clothes to <BR> OW's home. If she wanted to have H, why not his laundry?<BR> OW in her infinite wisdom, tried to make me look bag by<BR> telling H that her H found Ws's laundry bag with poop<BR> in the underwear. <P> Really? It wasn't there when I dropped it off on her <BR> porch. I asked H when he told me "human or animal"? <BR> <BR> LB or not, I was laughing hysterically (at Costco no <BR> less). H never saw the poop and yes, OW washed his <BR> laundry. <P>3. OW washed his clothes the time he spent 10 days there. <P>How do I feel about it? Well, I felt as if his clothes had been tainted, touched by someone with unclean hands. I told H that I could smell something.....made him wonder what I could smell. Hmmph.... H's nose used to be very keen. Was he used to the scent of OW? Maybe but I wasn't. <P>So maybe here is an option. Let your H konw if you smell something peculiar. Let him explain the scent. Whether the clothes came in the house or not, you might still smell a smell that is not familar to you. <P>L.