Hi all i desperatly need your thoughts on this.<BR>As some of you know i told my H we are over a week ago as he is still seeing OW and i could stand no more, he moved into caravan at truck yard.<BR>Last night there was a wedding party for one of the truckers at a villiage about 10 miles from our home.<BR>That means all the truckers and friends we have known for years would have been there.<BR>I just found out H picked up OW, who lives 50 odd miles away and took her to this party.<BR>His own Brother could even have been there he did not bother to ask if he was going!!<BR>As it stood it was just family that knew of his A, now loads of people that i know and have known us together all these years have seen him with OW.<BR>I thought the pain i had been feeling these last 15 months bad, but this is beyond words.<BR>Maybe im wrong as i told him were over maybe he was entitled to be seen with her, but i feel so humiliated.<BR>Its like he shouted to the world we are over and look at the prize i have!!!<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

First of all, a marriage is not over until the divorce papers are signed. It sounds like your divorce papers have not even been filed. So his seeing her in any manner is wrong even if you say you are over. His taking her to a party of your mutual friends is an insult to you. <P>When you told me that it was over, did you really mean Plan B or did you mean OVER?<P>If you meant Plan B then you need to send him a Plan B letter to know that there is a path back to you if he so chooses. <P>If you meant OVER and really mean OVER, then there is not much you can do about his behavior. It is wrong and rude. But in our society many people believe that it is ok to date when a couple is separated with plans to divorce. <P><BR>RE: “Its like he shouted to the world we are over and look at the prize i have!!! “<P>Why are you beating up on yourself like this? This statement makes it sound like you are rubbing the salt in your own wounds. He has not won a prize… she is an OP and a WS, a woman with very low morals and character. Their relationship does not have a lot of hope as neither of them knows how to make a marriage work. Statistics are against them. <P>You are not wrong to feel as you do. He is being a cad and treating you terribly. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Hi lizzle,<P>You are in obvious pain, and I am sorry for that. I sort of know how you feel, cos my h spent an entire night flirting with the now OW at a party where all our friends were (I didn't go). Mutual friend got a couple of calls afterwards asking what was going on between them....probably a lot more than I knew at the time....<P>Anyway, there is a great thread in Just Found Out forum, by worthatry called WAT's giude for BS's, or something like that....it's on page 1 currently. Talks about things we BS's need to remember.<P>Hope it helps.

My H introduced some of his women to some of his friends at work during our separation. They were trying to be good friends, and didn't say anything directly to H about it. However, I had the opportunity to talk to one of his friends, and without me even asking, he told me, "I don't know what H is thinking! These women are dogs!". I don't imagine he was just referring to their looks either.<P>You may not hear anything from anyone at the party the other night. But be rest assured, your H is looking the fool, not you. Whether or not anyone says anything directly to your H is doubtful. But they're still thinking it... and probably wondering how you're doing, and whether or not you know.<P>Karen<BR>

That's what the content of the conversations were between my friends...they felt so BAD for me. NOT in support of him, thought these people knew both of them. She has been divorced three times and had dumped her boyfriend (part of the group) just previous to this. I can see they were disgusted. Oh there was more to this and another party, but I won't bore you!<P>Rest assured, as Topie says.<P>

Lizzle,<P>Regardless what you told him, he had no right. To do something like this shows that he did not consider your feelings whatsoever. That is selfishness in its top form. I am so sorry, Lizzle. I know you are having a bad day. ((((((Lizzle))))))<P>My H did this same thing and till this day, I think that is the hardest part of it that I've had to handle. It took me some time, but I got passed it. Oh, my heart sunk to my stomach and felt like it wanted to explode, but I prayed. I dug down deep and saw what I needed to do. I let it all go. I vowed to God all mighty that I would leave whatever happened in His hands. <P>I took my dignity back. That is what you have to do. You are not what your H makes you. Your H taking that person there dragged everyone else into his selfishness and it probably made them feel uncomfortable. Who wants to be uncomfortable? <P>I bet all you want to do is ask him how could he do something like this. I know you want to get some sort of explanation or give him a piece of your mind. I know you want to probably break something or just ball up and cut yourself away from the world....DON'T!<P>Fill up the tub and put your favorite scent salts and bubbles, light some candles, get yourself a drink, and just lay in it. Cry or just take in the silence. Now is the time for you to comfort you. You are gonna have to be selfish, sort of speak, in order to get through this. You are gonna have to be more forgiving than ever before. I know, once you let it all completely go, like, almost laugh it away, all this mess will not seem so big to you anymore. <P>Hold onto you....be with you.....love yourself, as God loves you and you will be able to get through anything. Now, you have to DO whatever it is that comes to mind that NURISHES you, not just sit there and think about it. K, just do it (((((Lizzle))))Hugs, hugs, hugs. You can get through this too.<P>Clouds <p>[This message has been edited by INTHECLOUDS320 (edited September 16, 2001).]

Big hugs for you Lizzle and you've received great advice. I agree with Zorweb on this. Plan B is still very possible if that is what you want. If you do want to keep the door open for your H then Plan B let's him know this. It is something that will protect what love you have left for him and help you gain strength. I'm so sorry for your pain through all of this.<BR>

Dear all thankyou so very much for your encouraging words, they bring me great comfort.<BR>Im afraid i did LB on the phone and it was horrible, in his mind ive made all this worse and i twist his words he seems so angry with me, i didint do anything except love him and fight for our M, even all my plan A seems to be nothing all he can see is the hassle i gave him.<BR>When i told him last week it was over i meant over at the time.<BR>But im seeing him later, i told him i couldent leave it as it was and he said ok, so i have written a plan B letter telling him i love him but have to rebuild my life and that i think he is lost at the moment and if he finds himself i would love to rebuild our marriage but its his choice, i ended it with i wont contact you again unless i have to (problems with kids etc) now the balls in his court i hope ive done right.<BR>Thanx for all your advice and hugs.<P>Liz<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Me again just got back from seeing H, had a good long talk and undid LB from this morning i think.<BR>He was friendly enough but still thinks it was ok to take OW last night as we are apart, fog maybe?.<BR>And because he never said he was leaving me for her and i threw him out thinks im still trying to force him to decide.<BR>He just cant seem to see how ive felt the last 15 months, and yet i asked him if he would tell her we had been sleeping together the hole time if she asked, he said no i asked why not and he said because she would not like it!!<BR>Yet im supposed to turn a blind eye to what he was doing.<BR>Anyway i told him we are over while he has her and gave him plan B letter, he seemed confused that i had thrown him out but still wanted him.<BR>So told him its over for the sake of me, i have to start living again and cant live as we were, but if the A ended and he wanted to save our M we could try again, but that i wasent going to sit around just waiting for that.<BR>We parted on good terms and now its in gods hands.<BR>I feel 100% better than i did this morning, im going to take one day at a time and go from there i love him so much, but i know i can survive with or without him and maybe given time i may stop wanting him.<BR>Ive got 2 lovely kids smashing familys on both sides, a good job and my health and that all counts for a lot.<BR>And if he feels he has found something so much better then so be it, he is the one that may be the loser at the end of the day.<BR>Thanx again for all your help no doubt over the coming weeks i will need you all a lot, its nice to know i have friends here.<BR>Lete hope we all find the peace of mind we so desperatly long for.<P>Liz<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Also in JUST FOUND OUT, there are some notable posts on Plan B among other interesting topics:<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000554.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A>

Big congratulations are in order lizzle, you handled that so well and should be very proud of yourself.

Just wanted to add, when i got home last night i decided to send one last text to H cell phone just to say take care and i love you.<BR>This is the reply i got "& u take care & lets c what the future holds 4 us. it may just all work out 4 us xxx"<BR>I just dont know what to think anymore im so confused, sometimes its like he does care and others not one bit.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else