This is my question to everyone. Has anyone had to redo their plan A efforts or did they just plan b and then divorce? I realize now that i have not done the best plan a. Right now i don't feel like the best me that i can be. I'm tired and very worn out after 6 months of doing this. I have had little in the way of my needs met as of yet and i realize that maybe i might not get my needs met for a long time still. How does one live with thier needs not being met by their spouse? I won't seek someone else to meet my needs . i only want my H to do that still. We;ve been in MAJOR fights lately. Either he's been bringing his A up or i've popped up and said something. I was doing so very well at this PLan A stuff then my H kept on bringing her up to talk about it. And then i would get upset about it.He's told me sooo much more then i really needed to hear right now, it just brings me more pain. But i feel if he wants to talk about her and what happened then i need to listen to him. Am i wrong??? His A has been over since the end of April that was the last contact, unless he's been in contact with her still. But i don't feel like he is.I do not want a divorce at all. And i would not see one unless it was my very last straw. My h told me that i'm starting to be like i was before his A and i said back to him, well your not a peach either. He's mentioned again that if i don't do something he'll move out. I told him that if he wanted to that he could and i and the kids would be ok. I also told him that I am not perfect. Noone is. I did tell him that I love him and his response was then show me by your actions that you love me. Soo, again i post because i realize that i basicaaly have to go back to the drawing board so to speak with this. But now, my energy is zapped. How can i want to do this again???? HOw can i get the energy to put forth the effort to show him that i really do love him??? Or should i just tell him to move out??? Paytonrose

Dear Paytonrose - those are two separate questions. I think it's very common to make changes in plan A, responding to circumstances or your spouse's reactions. Not necessarily starting over, but throwing out stuff that doesn't work, trying to recognize and avoid LBs, trying to make some incremental progress with new initiatives, etc.<P>One of the reasons for plan B is to protect the love and energy level you have left. It sounds like that's where you're at. These aren't the best circumstances to begin plan B. When he brings up the OW is it in the context of telling you to do things differently? If so, is there any way you can accommodate him, without announcing it, and thus forestall him bringing up the OW again?<P>- Tom

TMMX, i just read your reply to me. My H doesn't bring her up to throw her in my face or to even say that i need to do things like her. I'm not her, and according to him, she doesn't even compare to me. I had all the cards in my hand, so tp speak, and she did not. He just says that he wants me to be his best friend, someone he can talk to anytime, his lover, to be happy when he comes home, meaning my face light up when i see him. ANd genuinely act like i want him around him. So, thats basically it. Anymore questions for me?