Hi all,<BR>I'm feeling so dead inside. My H and I were getting closer in the last couple of weeks (or so I thought). Last week I found out that he's still in contact with OW after 2 1/2 months of being home and countless apologies and professions of ending contact. I don't know what to do now. He says he's so sorry, but doesn't know how to end things with her (thinks they can be friends). We've already been through separation, Plan A, Plan B, no contact letters (which he regretted the minute I mailed them, so told OW to disregard them). We have counseling tonight, and my H alluded to his counseling last Thursday and that some things would come to light for me tonight, regarding his inability to be truthful with me. I'm just feeling so sick, so sad, so alone. I love this man. I have tried everything I can to work on/recover our marriage. I do not know what else I can do. Any ideas?

Have you given him any consequences if he continues having contact with her? Are you ready to give him consequences? I caught my H in one contact he didn't tell me about. It was initiated by her and it was basically her begging him to see her (I had his voicemail password). But he still didn't tell me and he was supposed to. I made it clear that he had no more chances. But at that point I was ready to give those ultimatums, you may not be. Incidentally, we never did a No Contact letter. With our xOW any contact was good contact. If she had gotten such a letter she would have been dialing the phone before she was even done reading it.

Thanks fairydust. No I guess I've never followed through with any consequences. My head tells me to do one thing, my heart another. I'm really afraid if he leaves again, it will be the end of us. I know that having him stay home this way isn't healthy for me, but I just guess I'm not at the point to follow through on consequences. I keep hoping something I say or something OW does will get through to him. I just could never do this to him and so it's hard for me to understand how he can do it to me.

bumping up. Anyone else have any insights?

Myownme,<P>My wife did the "end the affair---restart the affair" program on me. I never got around to leaving with my first Plan B; she begged me to stay, and she met the requirement of giving up the OM. Well, for two weeks anyway. <P>The rediscovery was probably tougher for me to deal with than the initial discovery. It felt much worse---more of a betrayal, and a lie. I made a plan to give another month or so in Plan A (to dissociate the "rediscovery" from me leaving), and then I went to Plan B.<P>I'm guessing that you're in this situation now. I'd be interested into hearing his explanation regarding his problem with being truthful (no lovebusting!), but I think you should be planning a firmer Plan B. You won't be able to let him back until he can agree to what your minimum needs are for reconciliation. If the OW lives near you, I'd suggest moving. <P>I don't think another separation will be the "end"---but you're going to have to take that risk. Otherwise, it's unlikely that you'll be able to continue Plan A for much longer, given these current set of circumstances.

Myownme- it sounds like your H's affair has a strongly emotional attachment to it. Is he in his forties and mid life crisis? My H 'tried' at least 5 times to break it off with OW even moving out then back in and secretly in contact for a few months longer- he told me he wanted to reconcile but really he moved back to avoid messing up his chances for custody since OW pressured him to divorce me to be with her.I discovered he was still calling her by checking his cell phone log often. I even asked him outright and he lied about it.It wasnt until he actually filed for D on me that he 'woke up.' He told our counselor he felt he was in a cycle he couldnt get out of. Wouldnt get out of is more accurate. OW seemed to have some sick sort of mind control over him. And like yours he thought they could continue to stay friends- no way!!!! Tell your H to get control of his thoughts because they lead to his feelings which lead to his actions. Try to get him see how one thing leads to another. lifeismessy