My d-day was not almost 3 months ago and my W ended the A about 2 weeks ago. We seem to be making progress simply re-learning to be good friends again. We have spent a number of really enjoyable days and even some evenings together (no sex) and have a number of very meaningful and non-confrontational conversations about what happened between us. The love units seem to be being deposited freely in both accounts. I love her so much and want her back more than anything but she scares me to death. Even though she says that A has ended and that there is nothing between them any longer there is still occasional e-mail and in person contact with the OM. Again today as another in person contact was impending I told her the impact that contact has on me and she seems to acknowledge my feelings. However, to-date, instead of eliminating all contact she has repeatedly re-assuered me that there is nothing left and that "we" are safe. I feel like we are ever so close. I really want to believe that she is over the OM and I'm afraid that if I press the no contact issue that we will regress. As of today my W is giving every indication that she wants to come back but has said that she's not yet ready to re-commit completely. She even gives me indications that her declaration of re-committment may be imminent! I can't help but get excited about the prospect of reconciliation but at the same time find myself getting nervous. I'm afraid of putting my self out there again. I want more than anything to love her with all my heart but I know that I will be holding back for a while. Is this normal? Help. I'm not sure what to expect next. I feel like we are on the edge of a breakthrough and I don't want to blow it.

Hi,<P>As long as there is contact with the OP, recovery is hindered. What will it take for the WS to stop contact? It varies but it must be from the WS. The BS can't force it. <P>You could let your W know how you are feeling. It could be considered as an LB but eventually she will need to see that she is still hurting you. See Lexxy's post. She is sad but yet this is happening because of the insistance of continued contact with the OM. <P>You could let your W see her post? Just a thought. <P>Take care,<BR>L.

Thanks Orchid, for the words of encouragement. Unfortunately, things have taken a turn for the worse since yesterday. The roller coaster ride continues. I was so full of hope that it might be "safe" and I let myself crawl out on that emotional limb again but it appears that my WS has sawed it off behind me. My W apparently spent the evening with the OM. I'm not sure what time she returned home if at all and I'm sure that she will say that their conversation was innocent enough. But it's not about trust at this point. As far as I'm concerned it's about protecting my feelings. I made it clear to her yesterday how continued contact with the OM rips my heart out and she evidently ignored my feelings and needs and saw him anyways. Each time something like this happens it chips away at what I have left emotionally. Now I have to retreat again emotionall until I think that it's safe again. I can't believe that she allowed us to regress like that after we had come so far. I don't understand why WS's insist on trampling their BS feelings like this. When will my feelings become important to her again? When will protecting my emotions be more important that feeding his or her needs? I sure I know what all my friends here at MB will say to these questions but I still can't believe that it's happening again. I just needed to vent.

Hi Still,<P>You are at a very hard point in this experience.... One of the hard points to realize is that the WS does not consider the feelings of the BS. We are just not important. <P>So what can we (the BS) do? Well you can stay in plan A and she may continue to treat you the same or she could change. Unless there is something external to shake her up and she is willing to see reality, plan A could hurt you more. <P>That is when it is time to think about plan B. But read up on both plans. See where you really are. In this state, things can change daily. When you look back you might find it hard to believe how much that has happened. <P>The future will be filled with more changes. Some frustrating and eventually you will be able to settle. There is always the hope things will get better. Concentrate on doing your part. Then work on your patience. Ws's need a lot of time and understanding. <P>To get an idea. Take a look at Lexxy's thread. The Ws's go through turmoil also. Sometimes their reluctance to give up what seems so easy to us drives us to the edge of reality. The point here is to learn to keep in control of your faculties. Clear head and a calm heart. These are important tools, learn to use them well. They will protect you and your family. It will help shine the light for your W to see when the fog clears. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.