My WH has not speaked to OW in 5 weeks, but last night he was very doubtful and down......about US. I read him some of the MB material, and stuff that I had printed off of this site, but I am needing some real examples of WS feeling when they are going through this time, and some encouragement to him as well----Please Help----He is listening, and I know would like to know that he isn't the only one with these feelings---thanks in advance!!<P>Krystal

I also want to know what I can do to help him through these feelings-----<P>thanks again<BR>Krystal

Faith n him,<P>I can understand how he feels. I was there too. I thought that after letting go of the OM and working on my marriage that my feelings for the OM would just go away. They don't just go away. It's a grieving process and takes time. It has been almost 6 months, but the first 2 were horrible. I told myself over and over again that I had made the right choice. The only choice. And I kept repeating that so I would believe it. Which I do believe, but during those first two months it was so hard. I wanted to quit and run the other way. But my husband was kind and patient. He would just tell me he loved me no matter what. That we would get thru all this. To give myself time, but to know that he was right there waiting for me. <P>As the months passed, the need and ache for the OM has lessened. In fact, when I found out that the OM had moved from the area, I felt a freedom that I hadn't known for a long time. It was as if God gave me a real opportunity to start my marriage over again and I chose to take that opportunity and go forward.<P>So Faith, tell your H that these feelings are normal and it's okay. You stood by him during the A and now you have to stand by him while he recovers. I know that it seems unfair, but since he chose to make his marriage work, it will if he gives himself the time to grieve over what he perceives he has lost. <P>Sometimes that ache for the OP seems almost unbearable, but then I look around at what I have and know that I made the right choice. The best choice and I'm so thankful that I did.<P>Debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes

I don't have the answer you seek. Just be supportive of him and let him know you understand what he is feeling. You do you know, you felt the same way probably on d-day or shortly after. Let him know you are there for him and it is ok.<P> jd

Thanks dlm--<P>It hurts so much to know that he is "sad" over her. I am trying to keep the faith, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed--<P>I went to Kinkos to copy a photo for my husband (of our daughter) last night, and OW was there. I didn't say a word, I just walked out---Came home and was very upset--H had no compassion for me---just seemed distant.<P>I felt betrayed, because i thought at least he would understand how seeing her affected me--<P>He also said that he is wondering if he loves me like a H should love his wife---I told him that was typical from what I have read here---<P>Krystal<P>

jd<P>You are probably right--We just need time to heal---i am so scared that he will "fall off the wagon" so to speak!!<P>Dont know if I can handle more of OW in our lives...<P>One day at a time.............

Faith n Him,<BR>While your H is going thru withdrawal from the OW he will have no compassion for you. He is grieving over what he perceives he has lost. And seeing you react like you did to just seeing the OW doesn't make him feel anything for you that you want. I felt the same way with my H. I thought to myself why should he get so riles up over seeing the OM. I came home and made the decision to work on our marriage even tho I still love the OM. Those were where my thoughts went. Now I can understand how much pain it caused him, but in the beginning I still had no compassion for what my H was going thru. I could only see things from my point of view, which was very selfish point of view.<P>I had to learn to trust my H again. Trust him to meet the needs that the OM was meeting. I had to trust him with my heart again and my feelings. I had to feel like I could be completely open and honest with him without having my head bitten off. And that takes some time. And there is always that lingering doubt that those needs will actually be met when they had been neglected for so long. Your H may be having those same kind of thoughts. He may be wondering if you are going to be there for him like she was.<P>So next time you run into the OW, remind yourself that you did nothing wrong and you don't need to run away from her.<BR>Go about your business even if you are shaking in your boots just being around her. Don't give her the power over you or be the cause of any friction between you and your H.<BR>You remind yourself that he came home for work on your marriage. And love him all the more.<P>debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes