My answer is: Yes<P>Maybe my self image has been shattered so much by the betrayal and rejection of my ws but sometime I feel left out here. Does anyone else feel that way? Let me be radically honest with Marriage Builders. I am having a pitty party today. I am just making some noise here.

Sure there are. But that doesn't mean a thing. The great majority of those on these boards care deeply for each other and all our similar situations. What we share is something so common as to make most of us much like family.<P> I am as guilty as any of not posting as much as I should. Or even as much as I did a couple of weeks ago. One thing I have found is that I need to take a break every so often. Not that I don't want to talk and encourage anyone. I simply get too drained emotionally to be of any use to others in my situation. <P> Or I sometimes feel that information or advice I give may not be right. Then I have my own pity party so to speak.<P> My advice to you or any others that feel left out on MB is to post and KEEP posting. If you do not get replies to a thread you made, try again, and again. Jump on someones elses thread and ask for advice. This may not be proper etiquette but most will understand and offer you advice. <P> I did this many times. Probably hurt somes feelings in the process. But I think they understood. <P> Most feel overwhelmed with all the new people coming and going. Some have given the same advice possibly hundreds of times. I feel we all get a little burned out. No one here intends to leave anyone out. Believe that.<P> jd

I guess I'd have to answer yes to this as well, but I don't think it's an intentional slight. <P>I think a lot of folks here have built up relationships with one another over the years and tend to spend lots of time responding to each others' posts. There also seems to be the typical human fascination with the bizarre or grotesque. The more outrageous and controversial posts tend to get lots of responses. I even remember a thread about how this robs people that genuinely need help of some attention.<P>On the other hand, I have received some very thoughtful and helpful responses to some of my posts, and am grateful for that.<P>I really feel for you. I've read some of your other recent posts and know you're going through a rough time. I'm still so new to this that I don't know what I can offer in the way of help, but do know that someone is listening.<P>I'd suggest bumping to the top any posts that you feel are being ignored. Once the number of responses gets high enough I think people start to get curious and take a look.<P>Take care,<P>NP

Yes, I feel the same way, too! Posted a few times, and not many responses--oh well, I will try again!!

I would imagine your pain is causing you to feel that way. There are 'cycles' on these boards...over a period of time. Many who read and post here....reach a place where they are 'drained' and don't know how to respond or what to say. I don't know what the 'key' is...on some post, but often times...a particular thread will strike a nerve.<P>Others...over a period of time...establish some 'connection' or 'relationship' with folks here...and just get comfortable posting back and forth. <P>I sure wouldn't call them cliques....<P>A lot of folks also jumped in...offering support to some people...which generates response back. Sorry you are feeling that way...is there something particular you are needing some feedback on?<BR>

Trust me, there are cliques in every circle! I've found it in most things I've been involved with, especially on the internet. Don't feel bad, some people just mesh better than others. I'm sure that the WSs would tend to group together and so would the BSs. That's natural, we tend to gravitate toward familiarity. But it is annoying to go to the effort to make a thoughtful statement and have it just lay there unnoticed! At first I was afraid I had jumped into a pit of snakes when I started posting. I didn't know if I was just going to be a target for all the BSs out there. But soon I started to hear friendly voices from both sides. Stick with it, jump in as often as you like. Go find a clique even! It's good to have special friends to share with too.

I'd say yes, too. As a matter of fact, when I first joined here, 6/27, I felt immediately drawn into what you call a "clique". But I'm not sure that's an appropriate word. It's more like your "support group". Eventually you'll find that the same people post in your topics again and again. These are people that can associate with your situation and can best help you deal with your pain. If you haven't found yourself "sucked" into one of these "support groups" it might just be because you haven't been around long enough, or posted enough. Post new threads, updating your situation and some efforts you have made to cope with it. People will comment. The users on this board care a great deal. They've helped me immensely and they can help you, too.<P>Us BSes all feel rejected and betrayed at times. It's understandable. You won't be held accountable on that fact, but rather how you cope with it. Stand up from the rubble that seems to be your life, and realize that you can make it through. You've got what it takes.

lighthouse,<BR>I have been posting in Recovery - I think I may start posting over here though.<P>

I think A LOT OF YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN HERE TOGETHER FOR QUITE A WHILE NOW. You probably even e-mail each other. I have no idea why but after I READ this post I am now sitting here crying. I find myself feeling alone here too, not because of the people but because myH A was over the internet and not a real woman. I feel for each of you. This is a wonderful place to come get advice and support. This is one of the most heart-wrenching emtional draining experiences anyone can go through.<BR> I guess I feel in a way that my situation isn't the same and I don't belong here. My heart is still ripped out and the humiliation is the same although no one knows. <BR> Just post when you feel you have an isea or suggestion. My best to you.

Yup.<BR>But then some days is just feels like nobody likes you<BR>I'll join your pity party any time you want to have one, just call!!! <P>I find that I feel better about my life by posting on other people's threads. I guess it feels like maybe someone somewhere is listening. If there's someone I feel as if I've connected with I post something to them with their name in the topic. Kind of like calling a friend on the phone.<P>I agree with the above posts that some days I feel too hurt, tired, depressed to actually get words from head to hands.<BR>The pain that I read here is sometimes overwhelming. My heart hurts for so many people looking to feel loved, cherished, cared for and protected. <P>Hugs,<BR>Cerri

I like GodlyMan's description, rather than cliques there are lots of support groups here. I think it takes a while for people to figure what's going on with new posters and whether they have anything useful to add. People seem to gravitate towards posts that describe problems similar to theirs. <P>This is a very different kind of community. I feel that I know the prolific posters very well, but they certainly don't know nearly as much about me, because I don't post as often. One or two posts a day is about my max. <P>I have had the experience of very few responses to some of my posts. Then again, I've had others that were very busy. I think it really depends on lots of random things: who happens to be around, what else is going on, specific topic, time of the week, etc. <P>I certainly don't mind when new people jump into posts that I'm involved with. I always think, "the more, the merrier". I know how theraputic it is to respond to other posts. <P>I also don't mind seeing posts "bumped" back to the top for more passes through (I bet nobody minds). It sometimes takes me a day or more to figure out what to say, especially to someone new. Because of the different time zones involved it can take a whole day before all the people on the board have check in. Longer on weekends.<P>I don't know if I've answered the question, but anyone who sticks around long enough will find that they get lots of support and at least some good advice.<P>Jeffers<P>P.S. MomRat I know how you feel. My W had an internet "relationship". I came here looking for help-- and got it. There are lots of us "EA" people here.

I think "support groups" or "similarities" groups may be more accurate than "cliques". Many of us on this forum have been posting for a long long time, therefore the posters name is very recognizable and generates alot of responses. Many have formed attachments to certain posters because of being in very similar situations. For whatever the reasons, please don't feel offended or ignored if you don't get alot of responses. I can assure you, it is NOT a deliberate attempt to disuade you from posting EVER. <P>A couple of suggestions to generate more responses to your posts. First, try to give alittle VERY brief rundown on your situation at the beginning of your post. EX- I am a BS, married 5 yrs, Dday Aug 5th. Spouse has moved out,,or is trying to rebuild, or with op....that kinda thing so we know just alittle about where you are. Yes, we CAN run down the profile and get a overview but most of us don't take or have the necessary time to do so. It's so much easier to answer someone if you have a general idea of whats going on. You can expand on it later if you need or want to. <P>Second,,reply to your responses. Notice how, in many threads, the original poster returns and acknowledges each response to their post. By doing so, each responder knows you have taken the time to read your replies, and consider the suggestions or advice or acknowledge the support. That means alot to many responders and encourages them to continue to follow your posts. <P>Also, reply to other posts. I realize when you are new to this forum is difficult to try to offer suggestions and advice when you yourself feel so very confused. Sometimes a simple, "I know how you feel and hope things improve soon" is enough to lift someones spirits."<P>And, be sure to read ALL parts of this forum and hopefully the suggested books. Having the knowledge on HOW Marriagebuilders works and reading other relationship books will not only help improve your situation but give you the tools to help others. <P>Please, don't EVER feel as though ANY of your posts are intentionally ignored. Continue posting, and try some of my suggestions. Bet it helps! <P>

northeard:<P>Of course there are. MB is a microcosm of humankind. In the world in which we live, cliques abound: religious ones, political ones, racial ones ... the list goes on and on.<P>What is important, however, is that groups treat each other with respect. Even to respectfully agree to disagree. And more important: is it so much what "clique" we are in that defines us? Or do we define ourselves?<P>I prefer to define myself.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

I never even considered there being cliques on here before. But it's true, it only makes sense that there are some.<P>I find I mostly respond to posts that aren't that big already. If the thread starter is someone whose story I'm familiar with, then I'll more likely than not make a reply to them (although I will admit, there are only 5 or 6 on here whose specific stories I know for sure).<P>I'm in recovery with my xWH now, so many of the issues being dealt with seem so distant from me now (even though only 8 months has past since d-day and we've only been in recovery for almost 4 months). But I do agree with Godlyman, in that I will try to respond to a post if something with it clicks with me (from mutual experiences).<P>I'm sorry you're feeling this way notheard. All I can say, is that the more you post, the more you'll get answered (due to familiarity with your story).<P>Karen<BR>

I guess my answer is the same as most. I find posting to others really helped me to figure out what I wanted to do, it helped me to get to know others stories, and they in turn, read mine when I would post...<P>I have alot of close friends here, many of whom I talk with over email or on the phone. Of course, I always read their posts first and give them as much support as possible.<P>After that, if I have time, I'll look at posts with little responses, or titles that catch my attention. <P>If you only post once in a while, it is more difficult to get lots of responses because people just don't know your story.<P>HbH

I lurked here daily from early June or so- looks like people get to know a circle of folks, and know each other, know something about their respective situations. I finally decided I needed to post or quit lurking, and have posted a couple of times now. I posted on somebody else's threads because I didn't how else to get started. I do feel like I am intruding sometimes on people who know one another pretty well, or might be looking for the thoughts of a specific person. Tell you what- if you post, I'll write back; in a short time we'll have a circle of folks we know...

Notheard,<BR>the other thing I would consider is that, in light of the national crisis...many of us are glued to CNN rather than MB right now. There is also something going on with the server and many of us haven't been able to get on for days.<BR>T

Please Everone,<P> I think I speak for most when I say that nobody feels you or anyone here is an intruder. Please post to the threads others start. You will not regret it, and people will respond to you.<P> Nobody here wants ANYONE else left out. But you must keep taking little steps to get to know others. Or at least get familar with others.<P> Even the WSes that post here will be glad to talk to you if you ask. You may not agree with some, but for the most part they are a great group as well. Yes we disagree often on some points or the percieved attitude of some WSes. But all are here to support each other and maybe learn a little something in the process.<P> jd

When I first posted I got the obligatory "welcome" posts...I posted all over the boards...eventually...as I posted more often about me and my situation...as I encouraged others and built up their trust with my replies to them, more people would post...<P>I think that those of us who "came on board" about the same time tend to post to one another...we are in similar places.<P>I love when veterans, regulars and newbies post all together...and I try to welcome and reply to a couple of newbies when I can...<P>I'll admit sometimes it is overwhelming to read a new person's post...I can be transported right back to my d-day...sometimes I just can't post...it is too hard.<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Hey notheard!<BR>Cliques on MB???? Unheard of! (kidding) Of course it's a clique--a marriage building clique--and now, you are a part of it! If you feel left out, don't take it personally. Sometimes this board gets so busy that if people don't take a look on page 2, some posts simply get lost in the activity. <P>As far as cliques, they are going to exist wherever you go--even church!!! So, what to do? Just be yourself and be content with yourself and LOVE YOURSELF. That way, you won't need anybody's approval. God already approves of you, that makes you the majority. (If God is for you, who can be against you?) Your feelings are valid because they are yours and for no other reason.<P>Who cares about MB cliques, real or imagined, post anyway. No answers? Post again or reply to your own post with one word (bump) and that moves it back to the top of the list! Post your questions on all the bulletin boards. Some people do that to ensure that they get responses. Eventually, you will "bond" with someone out there, then you will be sharing your e-mail and making friends. Which also makes closer friendships, albeit cyberfriends. Hang in there!