I had a soulmate once...<P>Yes, my H is my one and only...but when I was 18 there was a boy who 'toyed' with me...we played the 'just friends' game throughout the end of my senior year and summer and into my first year of college.<P>We bonded. I "knew" him. I thought I loved him. <P>Freaky things happened. I "knew" when he called that it was him. I "knew" when he was going to show up unexpectly at my home or school. I "predicted" what my Christmas present was going to be...(and I was dead on right). <P>We had long phone conversations about nothing. We wrote missives disguised as letters...he liked to write his on the back of his biology notes...my favorite was the fetal pig notes . <P>We wrote each other poems...he sent me songs...we went for long walks...in sunshine and in rain...<P>I hung out with him and his guy friends...we talked about everything and nothing...talk about innocent love...<P>...but he took one of my best friends to his prom...(I, not being Catholic was not an acceptable mate per his mom, according to him...frankly...I'd like to think the depth of our feelings at 18 scared the wits out of him...yeah, right...).<P>We were never intimate...we only kissed once...the last time I saw him...my second year in college...<P>What is your soulmate? I still think of him...I still miss him...a part of me is missing and will be forever with him...I wonder how much of that is the fact I never admitted to him how I really felt? that I never have felt closure?<P>But you know what...except for race and religion my H is a lot like him...in personality and in activities in which they were both involved...drama...singing...church...family...writing...<P>So what is a soulmate? What does this mean "to fit?" Why do some people grow together and some grow apart? <P>...its because of that piece of you that you keep hidden from your mate...the fear...the frustration with yourself...the expectations of marriage...even the unconditional love...<P>Why do people in affairs fit and feel like soulmates? There are no expectations yet...there is no fear of each other (few LB's yet)...there is no frustration...there are no conditions...yet...<P>...and there is incredible tension that is released upon seeing one another...tension that feels like a high...it feels so good to see the OP...to be with the OP...there is freedom from expectations...there is freedom from conditions...there is freedom...<P>And the $3X...Ruiz explains...that they feel that it is the best ever...but he says that it is a false feeling brought on by the release of tension and the onset of the addictive high...(in <I>The Mastery of Love </I>).<P>Oh...we humans...we expect so much of each other...we expect so much of ourselves...<P>A coworker said today that your true soulmate is the Lord...that He is the only One who should complete you...that if you don't love yourself and him...you cannot truly love another...<P>This struck me so much I had to write on the subject...<P>Cali<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Dear Cali,<BR>I had the chance to reunite with a friend with whom I "connected" with a lifetime ago. This was a person that I always held very high in regard and often wondered what became of him over the years. Well, guess what?<P>Today, he is married with children and also a wandering spouse in the midst of a deep fog. Was involved in a full-blown E & PA and still VERY MUCH in love with OW but trying to rekindle love for his wife. OW is nothing like his wife. HE thinks OW is perfect for him, but OW called it off because of her own marriage and kids... So now he is heartbroken. <P>I wouldn't say we were "soulmates" because I tend to agree with your friend. We are "married" in a closer relationship with the Lord than we could ever be with another human being and He sticks closer to us than a brother. He knows all the thoughts and intents of our hearts. Can't get any closer than that!!!

I got to know a friend that was the WS many years ago. She found back to her husband through the grace of God, after having been seperated for over a year. Her marriage is totally restored now and she is a very powerful and humble servant of the living God. Her story is a great great encouragement to me. It is totally blowing my mind to see how God changed her. It is a miracle. Those tings happen!<P>She told me as well some things about the "soulmate" story. She felt that the OM was her soulmate. He would always do exactly what she wanted, without her telling him. This was a total confirmation to her, that they belong together. Now she looks back and says, that the whole soulmate story is very much deceiving. She thinks that it is fueled by a demonic power that manifests itself as the "soulmate" experience. Jesus Christ should be our soulmate, not another human, not even the beloved spouse. We should be connected always to our God and feel, think and act as He would. This is a very simple answer to a complicated topic and I know that it's definitely not that simple. <P>I think as well, that in the beginning of a love relationship you always tend to convince yourself that the other one is just the greatest person in this world. Whatever the other person does, it is always interpreted as only great and good. In a affair situation the WS sees anything the BS does, no matter if good, in the worst way possible. It's frightening to see how often we manipulate ourselves.<P>I don't believe in the soulmate thing anymore, and I don't want this kind of relationship. I long for a relationship, where you can be really honest and where you feel secure enough to share the deepest and most intimate thoughts and know that the spouse will try to understand, even if he doesn't agree. That's much more mature than the soulmate story I think.<P>peace<P>Michael

My notes on the soulmate idea,<P>My own interpretation is skewed, but here me out. I am an ex-WS who is in recovery, but I still feel a horrible pain when I think of the OW whom I finally rejected after months of sharing emotions, talks etc.<P>My wife and I were never really soul-mates, if you can call it that. I was pretty much a 'loser' (to other people) in school and never dated, or drank, or partied or anything like that. I met my wife when I graduated through some friends, and I was really really desperate to actually have a female friend to socialize with, date, basically have a relationship with. So we took our time, we were on-again, off-again, very physical (many pent up years for me), and we ended up staying together. I always (honestly) felt it very very hard to say "I love you" to her for the first couple of years of our relationship because she was always the 'pushy' one in our relationship. She wanted it far more than me, she called me back when I broke it off, etc.<P>And I know nobody believes me, but she was still the 'relationship agressor' even when it came to marriage. When will you marry me? When will you ask my dad? I can't say I was ever ecstatic, I was nervous, but decided that I would be happy and do my best and things would probably work out.<P>I found myself unhappy after 1.5 years of marriage. No other women were present! My wife and I just didn't connect on things. She watches hours of TV, and I hate it. I have energy to do things into the wee hours of the morning and she is ready for bed at 9pm. Our conversations went 'kerplunk'. The sex went dull. To me it was over, but I continued to work on improving the relationship.<P>But once I met the OW I was stunned. Once we began talking, I couldn't take my eyes off her anymore. Our conversations really sparkled. We loved the same kinds of food, same passion for music, interest in technology, arts, theatre, we were both 'stay up late and don't sleep in' people and we spent countless hours together deeply in love, just doing nothing. The soulmate thing just clicked-- I believe it deeply. Do nothing together and enjoying it is the essence of a soulmate... you don't need a distracting activity to enjoy each other's company.<P>Once, just sitting in a car at a park, she asked me "Do you..." and I cut her off and said, "...see the tree stump over there that looks like a tiger head? yeah I see it". She just stared at me... it was not an obvious thing to see, but I always looked for funny things like that, and I 'knew' she had seen it too. Soulmates? I guarantee it.<P>To this day it still makes me cry to think I left my soulmate to return to my wife. Why did I go back? Well, like everybody says here, at some point I must have connected with my wife, either physically, mentally and emotionally very strongly, so I had to go back and give it a chance to come back. If it comes back, and I find my wife is my soulmate- I'll be the happiest man alive. <P>Until that happens, I will be sad to know that the most amazing girl in the world is out there sad and lost and wondering why I left her to go back to a fruitless marriage. But I don't let that bother me anymore, I found inner strength to overcome it.<P>-Venizio

This is gonna be long, warning! I think of My H as "the One". I will not use the workd soulmate because I think it is cheesy, junior high and tossed around so much in cheap affairs that it is meaningless. Anyhoo... It's complicated, but H and I should have met many years before we did, there is no reason we didn't know each other I was a good friend of his younger brother). We knew the same people, hung out at the same places, but somehow always missed meeting up. I would go to see his brother and H would have just left to go back to college, that sort of thing. But the timing wouldn't have been right. I would have been one of his brother's little twerp high school friends. Quite afew years went by. We both went to college, had lots of other experiences & relationships. I moved back home after living across the country. 2 months later my now BIL had a party. I went with a friend (who H also knew). I noticed him right away from across the crowd and in my head thought "Hmm. I have to figure out a way to get introduced without being obvious." One minute later he was at my side, under the guise of saying Hi to my friend. He otld me later that when I walked in he turned to his friend and said "I have to meet her NOW." There was the obvious physical attraction which can be confused for a lot of things, but it was much more than that. Somehow everything just fit together perfectly. It was perfect timing, we had the same goals, values, interests. I have never meshed so well with anyone or been so comfortable right off the bat. It was like we had known each other forever. But our relationship started out pure and good. We weren't hurting anyone else, our families were happy for us,<BR>we got to know each other and do whatever we wanted together. Nothing was being muddled with drama, pain, lies, deception, secrets. Our relationship began in the sunlight. Not sneaking around in some dark back alley. Not with anyone else's hearts being crushed in our hands. That was the foundation we had to go back to, to start over and rebuild after things went wrong.<P>Yes, the affair was crushing and almost destroyed us. But I think the fact that we were truly meant to be brought us back together. Even stronger than before. We both know what we almost lost, and never want to go there again. My H has told me that he was "in awe" when he realized the depth of my love for him and that I stood by him through the whole mess. It was a terrible, horrible thing. But in the end, the whole experience brought us even closer together.<P>I think the reason so many peopel in affairs think they are soulmates is because of the high drama. The drama fuels the natural brain chemicals in a new relationship and results in an even bigger high. They feel a special intimacy becasue they become "partners in crime" sharing the lies and the secrets, coiming up with cover stories, clandestine meetings etc. Sneaking off to meet your secet lover (who you can't just see anytime you want), the risk if getting caught, the anticipation... All of that makes the adrenalin run high. Quite a rush. When my best friend had her A she told me that her MM was her "soulmate". When I met him I cracked up. He was a completely cheesy dork! They had nothing in common, but she couldn't see it because she was blinded by drama. After her fog lifted she realized that her H had been the one all along. The thought of her MM now makes her physically ill, completely revolted. <P>I think waht really determines whetehr or not 2 people are "meant to be" is how you handle adversity. Does it tear you apart or bring you closer? Can you forgive each other your wrongdoings? Can you rise above it? Anyone can be soulmates in the beginning, lust stage of a relationship or when things are going smoothly. It's where you end up after the rough patches that count.

Venizio--- Your words never cease to touch me. I feel your description best suits how I view soulmates. I believed in them at one time, when I was "young." But after never, ever feeling that connection to anyone (and I had several relationships to test that out on), I stopped believing. My H is a great guy, we always got along well and had a good time, but I never felt the "click". <P>Now with my OM, I felt a click that was more like a sonic boom! It was in the way we would converse, the way I knew his feelings before he did, they way I always felt at peace with him, the way we could just sit across the table and smile at each other and not need to talk, the way my heart would pitter-patter if I just saw him working around the house, the way he would look like he had died and gone to heaven. It is something that just comes over you and you recognize it as something totally different than anything you have ever felt.<P>I believe very strongly in God and a person's relationship with him. I would never believe that something that gives so much happiness, love and fulfillment would ever be "demonic", even if it is immoral. For some reason my OM/my soulmate was brought into my life and now he is gone. I'm not sure why. But, "mine is not to question why,". God has his plan for me and for us. Maybe we are not done yet, my OM and I. Maybe we just needed to see each other to know that real love exists. Maybe I won't know until we meet again in heaven.<P>Until then, I will live my life as I did before; with a man I fit fine with, who will laugh with me, endulge my whims and desires and I will consider my job on earth to make him happy and comfortable.<P>P.S. V, your OW must have been very lucky. I'm sure she is somewhere still nursing her broken heart and loving you.

<<I believe very strongly in God and a person's relationship with him. I would never believe that something that gives so much happiness, love and fulfillment would ever be "demonic", even if it is immoral.>>>><P>For evil to tempt you, it has to be enticing. It has to feel good. It has to seem better than what you already have. It has to keep you hooked in long enough to get you to the bad parts. Otherwise no one would bother. <BR> I was talking to soemone who used to be a heroin addict. He said that when he first started doing it he got the most amazing feeling he'd ever had. It was the most wonderful sense of euphoria. How could something that felt so good be such a bad thing? Six months later when he woke up in the filthy apartment of someone he barely knew (he'd lost his job and his own home)covered in vomit with a festering abscess on his leg he realized why it was such a bad thing. The euphoria doesn't last.<BR> When a person is tempted and comes to the fork in the raod the evil path usually seems easier (in the short run) and a lot more appealing. All shiny and sparkly. The road paved with diamonds is going to look much more appealing than the plain old dirt road, with all the ordinary bumps and puddles. All too often the shiny road turns dark and scary eventually. But it might be too late to turn around. You might not be able to find your way, or the other road might be permanently closed when you get back. In our case the plain old dirt road, with all the bumps, turned into a road paved with gold further down the line.<P><<For some reason my OM/my soulmate was brought into my life and now he is gone. I'm not sure why. But, "mine is not to question why,". God has his plan for me and for us. >>><P>Just becasue someone/something was brouhgt into our lives doesn't meant that God put it there. Soemone else might have. And we were clearly given free will.<p>[This message has been edited by fairydust (edited September 21, 2001).]

So faireydust, how does one know which is the right road? If evil is smart (is it?) why not make the plain dirt road the "evil" path? Knowing one is so full of pride about doing the "right" thing you will stay/choose the plain road?<BR>

It seems like having good feelings about something determines if something is good or not. What I learned those last couple of months is, that I can't trust my feelings. Yes I do have them and they are part of me, but I need to test them. Feelings can be very destructive, deceiving and lead me on wrong ways. God alone determines what is good and bad. My feelings are definitely not very trustworthy. <P>You feel good in your affair and that's why you think it is God's will and it's just great. Well, some people felt good about flying a plane in a business building, killing thousands of people. They felt, that they did something really good. Do you think that they thought they are evil? No, they think they get a reward in Heaven directly from Allah's hands. So much about 'feeling' that something is right...<P>If you do what 'feels' right to you always, your life most probably ends up in one big mess. If you are willing to be happy and feel good, while the BS is in incredible pain...<P>...it's very disturbing. <P>peace<P>Mike

<<<[QUOTE]Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:<BR>[B]So faireydust, how does one know which is the right road?>>>><P>You don't necessarily. But my point is that God (and I'm only talking to people who believe in God and his opposite) doesn't go out of his way to make things seem appealing. He doesn't promise that it will be easy. He doesn't go out of his way to "sell" things. The devil (for those who believe) is like a sleazy car salesman whocounts on convincing people to buy that shiny sports car that will fall apart a mile down the road. There are plenty of suckers who will fall for it.<P><<<If evil is smart (is it?) why not make the plain dirt road the "evil" path? Knowing one is so full of pride about doing the "right" thing you will stay/choose the plain road?>>><P>No need. The overwhelming majority of people will go for the sparkle regardless. Most people aren't all that concerned with doing the right thing. Most will go for the instant gratification. Those few that really thinking about "the right thing" may slip by, but there will more than enough left to skip down the other path. I myself have chosen the sparkly path afew times (not in regards to adultery) and it was never what it was cracked up to be. I've learned that the harder road, though not at first initially appealing, is usually the better one in the end.

mike, if feelings are untrustworthy how can we feel love for our spouse (or at least trust the feelings)? I understand your point (and agree) that feelings should be tested.....so how does one test feelings?<P>As for the suggestion about bs and incredible pain, does that mean any activity by either spouse (limiting discussion to marriage) is not ok? Aren't you (by suggesting bs pain is reason enough to control the actions of other spouse, be it an A or anything else, since pain is pain), now suggesting feelings are important? If one should not try to seek good feelings for themself, why should they be concerned about good (or bad) feelings in anyone else? Doesn't all this have to apply all the time to everyone, or is it selective, and feelings only don't count when it furthers our particular goal? And if we are gonna say feelings don't count at all, why do we have them, what do they tell us about our reality> Should we just instead live our lives solely by reason alone? If so, love is indeed a decision.

First off, I never for one moment considered my affair okay or correct. But I will not worry about "evil" in my life and that includes my affair. The reason is that I have never turned from God. I have always talked to him, he has always known my heart. And if he does know me, then he knew I'd take this path. Just because I slip and fall or "chose a wrong path" doesn't mean I allow "the devil" to have any control over me. God nor Satin are "puppet masters". They let us go on about our way and then assist us in dealing with the outcomes. God is with me on this outcome and he would be no matter what path I had chosen, because I chose HIM. I don't deal with Satin and I don't really acknowledge him. God always loves the sinner and only hates the sin. He and I are working it out in my own heart and head. And sometimes he moves in mysterious ways. I don't question what comes and goes in my life or who puts it there. I just go and live and cope. <P>My OM was not an addiction or like a drug. He was a human being, he had a name, a job, and a good, kind soul. I won't cheapen what we had by calling it or him anything so insulting. I would not have risked all I did for something cheap.<P>If we go through our lives living by a set of rules and never hearing our heart or trusting our feelings, we are robots. We might be "good" and moral and never faulter in God's eyes or each other's, but would we really be living? I will still listen to my heart, because that is what God created it for. I don't always expect it to be right and I don't always expect a definitive answer. It's not a Magic 8 ball! But it was His gift to me and us so we will know we are human and so we will love each other, despite what the "rules" tell us.

Fairydust and Mikoman, you are way far out and groovy with the truth!! Lay it on us!<P>Rose Red

SnL--well stated. Looks like we were walking along the same track here. <P>Do you notice that there are two types of people here? Those who believe that doing the right thing will give you the right feelings and those who believe that the right feelings tell you what is the right thing to do. And isn't it amazing that most marriages seem to be made up of one of each? Is that a plus or a minus?

I 'waffled' about posting this...and I actually had an 'ulterior' motive...<P>Fairydust...you came very close with your junior high comment...<P>I was wondering if anyone would key in on the fact that the soulmate thing happened in high school...was fueled by the excitement and mystery of being a 'first' relationship...it was cloaked in adolescent drama...and, because there was never closure, I still think of him...<P>And Venezio...my H uses that with me...that I was the 'agressor' in our relationship...what a way of getting out of responsibility...even not making a choice is a choice...<P>So it's okay to say "I didn't really want this in the first place, I just 'gave' in..." My H says that...and I'm like..."and" does that mean it's okay to just 'give' it up?<P>H: <I>I really never wanted to be married and have children. I have proven that I am 'bad' at it. I should just walk away and I will be better for everyone. </I> I always will wonder what could have happened if he had put his heart and soul into it...if he had not 'expected' to be bad at it...could that have made the difference?<P>You know what...I almost believe in the soulmate theory...but I think that the soulmate relationship has a deep level of co-dependency--do some reading on Stephen Covey's Maturity Continuum...I think soulmates fluctuate between dependence and independence...I think WS's have a real hard time with interdependence...<P>Maybe what makes the MarriageBuilder stuff work and a good marriage work is not the soulmate stuff...but that both people learn to be <B> fully functioning adults </B> who no longer use emotional blackmail and emotional manipulation and whose relationship is not co-dependent but interdependent.<P>Just my opinion...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

<BR><<Do you notice that there are two types of people here? Those who believe that doing the right thing will give you the right feelings and those who believe that the right feelings tell you what is the right thing to do.>>>><P>It's much more complex than that. There is a lot of combining of the 2 thoughts. That's they key to success in my opinion. I was in a really bad relationship for a long time before I was married. When I embarked on that, the 2 paths were pretty clearly marked. What would have been best for me and what I wanted to do, what felt good. I chose the feel good path anyway (even thought I should have known better), and in the end it was HORRIBLE. So I learned a valuable lesson. I learned to combine what I feel in my heart and what I think is right. <P><<<And isn't it amazing that most marriages seem to be made up of one of each? >>>><P>Once again, not so cut and dried. When H and I met I was the person who tended to go exclusively what my heart felt and I had been burned and finally learned. I knew not to expect a bed of roses from life, but that if you put in the work you can have great rewards. H had always followed the straight and narrow. When the whole affair thing came about he, uncharacteristically, just careened down the shiny path, without all that much forethought. Like myself, he found that it got pretty murky, ugly and bumpy once he got aroudn the bend. When we reconciled we camne back together as 2 people who had both learned past lessons about how the biggest rewards don't usually come from taking the easy way out and the easy way out often becomes your worst nightmare.

Yeah snobird...<P>There two types of people are WS's and BS's...<P>interesting that you divide them into people who live by 'rules' and people who live by 'feelings.'<BR>'<BR>Why do you discount the feelings of the BS?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Now with my OM, I felt a click that was more like a sonic boom! It was in the way we would converse, the way I knew his feelings before he did, they way I always felt at peace with him, the way we could just sit across the table and smile at each other and not need to talk, the way my heart would pitter-patter if I just saw him working around the house, the way he would look like he had died and gone to heaven. It is something that just comes over you and you recognize it as something totally different than anything you have ever felt.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is how I feel about my H...there is no more pure contentment and love than when I watch him with our boys...playing, working, loving...sometimes my heart just flutters when I watch him sleep on the couch...even when he snores ...I have ALWAYS been passionate about him...the irony? He says he married me because he felt obligated...he loved me but was not IN LOVE with me...he didn't feel he could end it...that I would have been too hurt...hmmm...ya ought to read the cards he sent me then...listen to him sing to me on our wedding tape...if he wasn't in love with me...he needs to get an academy award...cause his acting skills are major!<P>Why do you assume it is rules that makes BS's want to stay together with their WS and not a deep love?<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

<BR><<<Why do you assume it is rules that makes BS's want to stay together with their WS and not a deep love?>>>><P>Exactly! I wanted my marriage to stay together because I was/am deeply in love. I think when a BS is faced with a cheating spouse they have 2 "right paths" to pick from. Stay and fight for the marriage or walk away. If you love your WS both of those paths are extremely difficult. I had an ex boyfriend call me when he found out I was separated. He was someone I'd always had a connection with and we'd been friends since we were kids, in addition to having dated inthe past. Sure I was tempted. Although I still wanted my H and my marriage the shiniest looking path for me (if I had followed my selfish heart) would have been to start seeing the ex (companionship, sympathy, someone to do things with, someone to pay attention to me etc) and at the same time keep Plan Aing my H. Since we were separated I had lots of freedom and H would have had no idea. But I knew that was wrong and it would eventually blow up in my face, making a far bigger mess than I had on my hands in the first place.

There two types of people are WS's and BS's...<P>interesting that you divide them into people who live by 'rules' and people who live by 'feelings.'<BR>'<BR>Why do you discount the feelings of the BS?*****I'm not discounting them. Everyone has a right to their own feelings. Are you discounting the feelings of the WS just because they are "wrong"?<P> This is how I feel about my H...there is no more pure contentment and love than when I watch him with our boys..**********Well then, lucky you, you got your soulmate. You found him and married him before you locked on to someone else. Not everyone finds that first time out of the shute or even the second or third. So you don't need to be questioning your feelings or justifying them. Now, your husband sounds like he does. Right, wrong, BS, WS, if someone isn't as in-love back as they are being loved, then it's not a real soulmate connection. It's sad and it hurts! I feel for you and any who experience it. I have not doubts that you are deeply in love with your H. I CAN say that at one time I was in-love with my husband. I won't go into what changed but knowing that I was at one time, maybe I can get there again. There are rules in everything, even love. We make them ourselves. Just do what you need to do, Cal. I hope you find deep love and that soulmate feeling again somehow. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by snobird:<BR><B>SnL--well stated. Looks like we were walking along the same track here. <P>Do you notice that there are two types of people here? Those who believe that doing the right thing will give you the right feelings and those who believe that the right feelings tell you what is the right thing to do. And isn't it amazing that most marriages seem to be made up of one of each? Is that a plus or a minus? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Actually, it's more amazing that the lines are drawn right down the middle between the ones who stray outside of their marriage and the ones who don't. I agree with Cali on the emotional maturity being the factor in success in marriage, and the importance of being a fully functioning adult.<P>For those (believers)who think that God has brought the OM/OW into their lives, I can refer you to Proverbs 6:24-35, Proverbs 7, James 1:13-16 (concerning the "attraction" to a relationship outside of the covenant marriage you entered into) and 1 Corinthians 6:15-19 for the realization that there IS a soul tie, a connection but that it is an evil one. The reason that it is so hard to tear away from an adulterous relationship (and I am speaking to believers but it is true even for non-believers nonetheless) is that when you have physical intimacy with another human being, you DO become ONE FLESH. This is why Satan (for those who believe in him) works so hard to destroy relationships, because so many people are not aware of how powerful that tie is. And it's a powerful delusion, one that men and women will give up every thing that is precious to them in this life, and then all too often wake up later, to find that they have been destroyed. Just like the heroin addict that was mentioned earlier. It feels so good, we don't realize when our very soul is being killed.<P>I am sure most of you are aware of the findings as far as HIV and AIDS go. Scientists and medical researchers are echoing what the Bible has taught all along. That when you sleep with someone, not only are you sleeping with that person, but also with every OTHER person that person has slept with. You truly do become a part of the other person, and that is why God placed such restrictions on sexual involvement, that it should only be within marriage.<P>The human heart is deceitful and hard to know. We have many motives that are hidden to our concious mind. To say that God would bring someone into your life to come between you and your spouse is just a way of justifying to yourself what you have done. Most people here won't remember me unless they were posting a year ago, but my then pastor-boyfriend was sleeping with a woman and still preaching in the pulpit every Sunday. Even now, after resigning his church, he lives with her without the benefit of marriage. They both feel as though God brought them together, and her comment was that they were enjoying being together without the "sins they were committing hanging over their heads." I still shake my head at the strength of the delusions of the heart. <P>Jesus said...the road to eternal life is narrow, and the way hard. I believe He meant that we are drawn away by our own lusts and desires, as James said in the above passage, but that God calls us back to His way. "I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked. Turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways, for why shall ye die?" I believe God forgives, but when you continually flaunt something in the face of God who you profess to serve, well, it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.<P>I'm sure I will get flamed for this, but I am speaking as one who believes in God, and who has been there.