I'm approaching the 6 month mark in my plan A efforts. When I look back now, I'm so suprised at all that I went through and that I'm still here. I was so sure at the time that my world would end, and that i would be not here today. Those first few days, the first few weeks were sooo very heartwrenching to say the least. I thought I couldn't make it. I now know that I will not accept this behavior from my WH again. If he chooses this path again, ever, Its bye bye to him. I won't go through this much pain and torture again. I start school on Monday. I actually started in the spring when everything came crashing down on me. Can you actually believe I maintained a straight A average?? through all of this??? I was soo very happy when i got my grades back from the college. I was like well, well, I'm not so stupid as he tells me. It felt so good to know that I can go to school, take care of my 4 kids and be a better me in the process. My h still has no interest in making this marriage work. I guess he assumed that my changes would be permanent and they are to some extent. Its just that some things will take a life time and then some to conquer, and I'm ok with that. I'm forever changed on the inside from what has happened. Some good, and some not so good. Soo, my question is... what do i do now??? We don't have a real marriage,its like were back to the way it was in some way. I actually would like him to move out and be on his own. IMO, he is only here for the kids, and not for me. And that really sucks. I no longer am in love with him, and i barely even love him anymore. Which is si sad. I thought that I wanted to work things out with him, but seeing things from a different point of view, I realize that he really should just move out and move on if he's not willing to recover with me. ANd get our marriage back on track. For the most part, I'm ok with this. I put him on a pedestal, thinking he was someone, who he isn't. He isn't that person anymore. Sure, he has had no contact for 6 months, but he sure isn't comiited to me or our marriage. ANd yes, I've tried to meet his EN's as much as possible. The man has only gone without s#x twice in the last 6 months. I've made sure of that. Its just sad to think that I've come to this place in my life. I am only 31, with 4 kids to raise by myself, and a h who still wants to be 16. GEez.. I guess he was like this all along, and i just refused to see it. Well, thanks for listening to me vent. Better here then to my H. Paytonrose

<<<[QUOTE]Originally posted by paytonrose:<BR>[B]I'm approaching the 6 month mark in my plan A efforts.>>> <P>That was about how long I did it. Then suddenly, after anther phony recovery and more wishy washy behavior I realized how tired and drained I was and I needed a break. H had been here for afew days and then started the "I'm going to be on my own for afew more days I'm still not sure" BS. "On my own" my butt! That was it. I gave him a letter (though I understand it wasn't a proper Plan B letter, but it was what I needed to say), made it clear how much I still loved him and all that but that the door would no longer be revolving. No more contact until he made up his mind. Then I practically had to push him out the door because he started coking up with things he should fix around the house all of a sudden. I said forget it. I ignored his calls for the next 3 days (the largest number of calls I'd received the whole time). I talked to him on the 4th day and he had made a huge breakthrough, we were soon back together for REAL. Who knows what my next step would have been if it hadn't worked out that way.

Fiarydust, i just read your reply. My H has had no contact with OW in almost 6 months. And i haven't found anything to suggest otherwise. He just is not a person who likes confrontation, let alone having to deal with issues at all. He just doesn't want to deal with his A. He would as he put it, like to sweep it under the rug and move on. Only thing he does tell me is that he misses me alot. Which is weird because i've been here all along and the man gets s#x whenever he deires it and however. Soo, I'm like, what now? Just wait until he decides he wants to have a real life with me??? So, what i've done is start to have a life myself in small ways. I'm not going to wait forever for him to want to be with me. He says he doesn't want her or anyone else but he's not here either. I guess for now, i'll let it slide, but i won't wait to much longer before i kick him out on his rear. If he isn't ready to have a marriage with me and all that it entails, then he can forget about the s#x and move out and i'll move on. Paytonrose

<<< He just is not a person who likes confrontation, let alone having to deal with issues at all. He just doesn't want to deal with his A. He would as he put it, like to sweep it under the rug and move on. Only thing he does tell me is that he misses me alot. >>>><P>My H also HATES confrontation. Big bummer for him when the OW started lovebusting all over the place lol. What do you mean about "dealing with the A"? Do you want to talk about it and he doesn't?

Fairydust, you asked a question of me about my H's A. I meant by him not dealing with it. HE wants to act as though it was just a big mistake and that we should just push it under the rug and move on. He doesn't seem to want to talk to Steve Harley again or do anything else to help us recover. Its like he wants things back to how they were before. But the thing is.. is I can't go back. I'd rather divorce him then go back to how bad it was. Paytonrose