When an A ends, are there always symptoms of withdrawal, or is this only when the A ends due to discovery? If an A dies a natural death, is it possible for there not to be any signs of withdrawal?<P>sad dad

You know sad dad,, that's hard to say. Again, I would imagine each situation is different depending on those involved. My H's affair didn't seem to involve a great deal of withdrawal that I could see. But then again, he had a long term affair that went completely unnoticed by me so you already know I'm blind!! LOL. <P>I discovered his affair (eventually!) but I think it was already dying a natural death. He didn't seem to be at all upset over no contact with her but instead seemed VERY relieved that the lying and double life was over. Infact, he voiced this over and over,, that he was so glad it was over and he felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. I felt like telling him, "Great, I'm so glad you have that weight off your shoulders but it landed right on my heart." <P>

Well, in my case... I think there is some withdrawal... even though I knew that this person was not the right type... that there was no future...and that I never wanted a future... <P>Its not so much the person that you miss... but the feeling of being wanted, sexy, and to regain that fun-loving flirty personality that you used to be years ago.<P>However, I have come to realize that all of these feelings were/are trivial. The spouse is the one who will be there when you NEED them... when the world is caving in... THEY are the ones who changed their life for you. <P>The other person was a fun play-toy, I suppose...and yes, just when you lose a friendship, there is a mourning process...<P>I guess I can't speak for everyone, but I know that I have not been the same.......however, I am trying to learn about myself from this whole process...and to come out wiser and stronger and more loving.<P>My suggestion....is to be patient...to give her time to grieve a bit..but to be as loving and understanding as possible (I KNOW its not fair!)....... but she will see how much BETTER you are than the other person..and how much you love her.....and that will mean the world to her.<P>I wish you the best... <P>------------------<BR>..climbing the rainbow..

SD- my H went thru a terrible depression when he FINALLY ended his EA/PA for the final time.( He'd broken it off at least 3 times with OW and then would get weak and re-contact her and she would demand that he take further action to end our marriage) He kept thinking he could stay FRIENDS with her- couldnt stand the thought of NO more contact. When our counselor said that just wasnt possible he finally did end it with her but then his feelings were in a total tailspin. He wouldnt touch me for weeks saying he needed time for his feelings for me to come back. I just stayed in a diluted plan A though I was quite hurt to say the least. I figured God had a plan for my life and I should depend on HIS timing to figure out what it was. This helped me cope. When he did emerge from the withdrawal period our intimate life was terrific and it was worth waiting for.lifeismessy

Confused Mom, you are exactly right, I experienced the same exact feelings. Like you when the "fun" was all there was, I realized what I left behind.<BR>Now I am trying to be exciting and sexy to my H, and think he'll appreciate it, once he get's past the fact that I had an A and I'm not proud of it.<BR>Sad Dad, I don't know if this helps your question, but I'm not really feeling any symptoms of withdrawl, as I am now seeing the error in my thinking. Mt A was discovered, it is now out in the open. If your WS is still feeling bad symptoms of withdrawl, I'd bet she is still contemplating her choice. Make her see you'd LOVE to have her feel sexy, wanted and even flirty with you. It may make her "choice" (and that's not fair to you, but that's how SHE sees it,a choice) easier. Then she can move on past her withdrawl with no regrets and focus on healing.