WS moved out on Sept 9 and was very upset about moving. I spent over 4 months in Plan A and forced WS to move cause I could not handle the pain any longer. He was still seeing OW regularly when he left two weeks ago.<P>I went into Plan B with a letter and he repected my wishes of not contacting me so I could heal. Since I did not hear from him I thought he was living it up and starting a new life. He called this morning and left a message to tell me he was coming over cause he had to get some things and he needed to talk to me about some financial things. I thought he made a decision to divorce me and wanted to discuss some decisions about it. Well was I surprised that when he looked into my eyes, he started to cry. He was drinking and whenever he drinks he cries and can't handle our screwed up life. <P>He told me he was hitting his bottom and can't handle all the loss in his life by what he has done. He is not happy and this is hurting everyone involved. He wants to work and recover but does not know how. He feels he is coming to conclusions and coming out of "it" (what he calls A). He claims he misses me terribly and is very concerned about me. I told him I am very busy and doing ok but I cry everyday. I suggested counseling and he seemed a little receptive to it. We sat and talked about the tradegies of The World Trade Attack and just did some chit chatting about work and our kids etc. He is coming back tomorrow to cut the grass and fix one of our cars and I feel Plan B is out the window. What do I do now? <P>I have been really enjoying freedom from having to be concerned about someone else but I have many triggers here that gets me obsessing about his rejection of me. I get so angry and obsessed when I think OW is taking my place or that she has stolen what is mine. I can't stand the thought of her sharing with him what I should be sharing but I really like my freedom. <P>There is much to learn....I have discovered that I have mothered my H, felt he was a possession, I put his concerns over mine too much, I did not make my feelings clear and draw some boundaries.<P>Plan B is confusing me now and I do not want to abort any progress that is being made in any kind of fog lifting. How do I go back to Plan B if it is broken?<P>TW<P>------------------<BR>Psalm 23

IMO, you've got the perfect opportunity to set boundaries right now. And stick to your guns on those things that are of the upmost importance to you (#1 always being, NO CONTACT with OP).<P>It concerns me that your H was so open after drinking. But in my experience, only the true feelings come out at that time. Still caution yourself around his words and actions when he's sober. He may not be so nice and 'out of the fog'.<P>So, your H wants to know how recovery can happen, eh? You've got all the info you need on here. Perhaps you should make a list of the things you want done (boundaries), and give him the top 2 or 3 to work on (again, #1 being no contact).<P>Just don't push it too hard right now. I'd suggest when he arrives tomorrow, give him a paper with your top 'boundaries' listed, then tell him that those would be the first steps in recovery and if he has any questions, to just ask you when/if he needs to. Then, carry on with your day. If he wants to talk more about your M, then he will. <P>This is definitely a step in a forward direction for your M. I can see how you're trying not to get too excited about it all (good for you... you've learned a lot ).<P>Let us know what you decide to do <P>Karen<BR>

You sound like you are in a similar situation as me. <BR>The first time I came out of plan B H seemed all nice and looked like he really wanted to work on us. He was like that for a few days. Then he seemed to change back to being unsure. <BR>So I went to plan B again and he has now told me he wants to end it with her but he needs time. <BR>I don't know what advice to offer you. I don't think I will need to go back to plan B right now because I will not see much of my WH anyway as he lives with OW.I will leave it up to him to do the contacting between us.<BR>

Topie25---you hit the nail on the head. Definitely have to keep those boundaries in place. I totally agree that no contact with OW is priority and he knows that too. I will never live like that again. He is not even asking to come back cause he knows where I stand and what I expect that is one reason why he claims he could never try to work on the M cause he could not "be what I wanted him to be". But yet he admits I am not demanding so I read that as I want to do my own thing and have your help where needed.<P>He said he would be here today around 10 a.m. but no show. I was really looking forward to talk to him sober to see what where he is out cause I wonder if the truth comes out when drinking? or is it a distorted sense of truth????<P>Maezy, I read your post and definitely could relate....Be cautious and don't let him back too prematurely. How can you stand the thoughts of them living together when there might still be a chance for you? I feel such rejection when WS is building a life with OW in anyway. I guess it is just as hard to break off A as it is to break away from M.