Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#948072 09/23/01 02:03 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 75
P
Member
Member
P Offline
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 75
Yep, I actually asked the man to move out. I told him that I think for the time being that we separate. I'll stay in our house with our 4 kids and he can get an apartment. I'll keep the kids M-F, and he can have them on the week-end. Plus I told him it would be financially better for you. He asked how?? It would cost much more if I moved out and left.I would move to my mom's and he would be socked with child support and alimony. I'm trying to make it easier on everybody involved. My H isn't here half the time anyway, he works out of town alot. Plus I'm used to being by myself and handling the kids and house and all that stuff. He said that he really didn't want to leave me or our kids. He just wants me to be nice to him and get along with me. So, that is what I told him last week-end. I have been nice to him all week. Very polite in fact. Last night he comes home and he's smelling like his colonge. I'm like why did you put that on before you came home??? you weren't wearing it when you left?? He gave me an excuse. I told him, do you actaully think i'm that stupid?? I've been through this with you before. You did the exact same thing 6 months ago. Geez... He said that he wasn't seeing anyone and he just wanted me. Of course all this week he's been telling me how much he misses me. Very strange in fact. He actually overdid his excuse last night. He wants s#x all the time and sayd how much he just misses me. I don't get it. What is his problem??? I've been learning to control my anger all year long, which i know was and still is a major thing for him. I told him that i'm human and i will mess up, but in general my anger is in control. He's just been acting strange all week long. Gone til real late, saying he's working late. In the back of my mind i know what your all thinking cause i've thought it too. I'm like, he had better not have got back together with her, cause she can have him if he went back to her. So, last night i ask him this. Why are you here with me and our kids??? He's like what??? i ask him again. He said because i want to be. Then i aske him, and why are we even still married??? he's like because we love each other. I tell him that i'm going to make an appt. with Steve Harley for me. He said make it for the both of us. I'm like why??? He said because we love each other and we need to make things better. I told him that i wanted to heal and recover from this. And that i really wanted him to move out. He again said he din't want to. I told him i would like to move out myself. I said that I need to heal and that means that i need to be away from you.You seem to really not want to do anything about what happened ans thats ok if you choose not to, that is fine with me. But me?? i need to heal and I need to recover and have a life again. He told me that i could never leave him for very long. I would last 2 days and i would miss him too much. He said that to just deal with it. Were togther forever. He wasn't listening to me was he? or was I not listening to him? Paytonrose

Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 75
P
Member
Member
P Offline
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 75
I'm bumping this up to get more responses

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 571
N
Member
Member
N Offline
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 571
Definately if he is willing to do counseling, do counseling with him. Also, it sounds like him wearing cologne is a trigger for you - so for him to fulfill your needs he needs to not wear cologne anymore. <P>I too needed my husband gone so I could think. It was like he didn't hear a word I said. I needed space. I packed up me and my kids to go live with a friend for a week because he refused to leave. <P>If you sincerely want him to move out so you can decide what you want then you may need to leave but explain to him it would be nice if he just left so you don't have to uproot the kids. If he thinks you can only last 2 days - challenge him, tell him to give you a chance to show him. <P>Well after I was at my friends for a week, I told him if he didn't move out I would file for divorce. He didn't move out so I filed for divorce. I had to call 911 3 times in 3 months to get him out - but they couldn't make him leave - I threatened a restraining order on him. I explained to him that you can't force someone to stay with you. After 3 months he decided one day he was moving back in. He mailed me a letter saying he was moving back home and then one day I came home from work and he and all his stuff was there - I was so mad - so the next day I changed the locks on him. <P>Finally he left me alone for a month and now we are back together. The thing is your H is not respecting that you need space - you have to set boundaries and then follow through with them. I would also suggest him getting a beeper so you can page him when he is out real late. When he calls back get a number where you can call him back. If he says he is at work then you should be able to call his work. Trust has to be rebuilt. <P>I hope this helps/ <BR>


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 501 guests, and 79 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
IO Games, IronMaverick, Gregory Robinson, Limkao, Emily01
72,037 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,038
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0