Honesty from a WS is scary to me. I ask W if she had talked to OM the other day, and she said yes, she had said hello to him. I didn't say anything in return. I was shocked I believe. One, that I didn't LB big time (which has been my response in the past) and two that W told me about it. After what seemed like a year (5 min.) W and I started to talk again about current events, etc.<P>Trust had started to enter into the picture for the first time in years. But, I am still troubled about continued contact. I am still working on that all important 'No Contact' being written by W. Each time I mention it she seems to be a little more responsive. Could this be my jaded view of our current relationship?<P>I have begun to make plans to more to Plan B. Thinking of where and how to make the move. We have 2 kids so this is hard for me. But in light of the above honesty by the W, part of me wants to stay in Plan A. The honesty and my un-LBing response to it is a good sign for us I think. Thoughts any one?<P>W has also interviewed for a new job at a new work location. Is it possible that this is alone with the honesty is a good sign? W still says she loves me and when I asked her if she was "In love with me" she replied "yes."<P>Has anyone had any experience like this and if so how did you handle it?<P>Thanks for the replies!

Step outside of your situation and read your post. If that was written by anyone else, do you think it would show signs of progress?<P>YOU BETCHA!!!<P>The issue of complete honesty is a difficult task. It shouldn't be, but it is. Many of us have had years of dishonesty, or at least lacking to inform our spouses of little details (which become bigger details as time goes on).<P>Have you told your W how it makes you feel that she is looking for work elsewhere? If not lately, then you should. IMO, that action in itself is an excellent sign that she is willing to try to work on your M too.<P>Plan B is for when you have little love left for your W. Are you there yet? I don't think you are. As it's said many times on here, you know if you're ready. The fact that you're asking if you are tells me you're not. But only you know the answer to that.<P>As the honesty progresses further, it does hurt. But it hurts on both sides. Just always remember that you can only control YOUR actions. So keep up the good work of no LBs!! <P>Continue to stay cautious. You and your W still have to prove to each other that the other is trustworthy, and that takes time.<P>For my H and I, it took us 2 months into recovery before true honesty really started to occur. Even now (4 months into recovery), there are old lies that come to surface with the truth. There is no preparing for it, usually it comes out in everyday conversations. My point is that it takes time. Be patient with your W, and stay in control of your actions. It sounds like you're doing just that. <P>Karen<BR>

Topie25,<P>at times i get to close to see the bigger picture. this healing process is very slow (as we experience) and I can't see the progress myself. Thanks for the support!<P>part of me thinks W can sense that I am close to moving out.<P>i re-read the post again and yes this is a good sign.<P>i do need to tell W how much i appreciate her looking for a new job.<P>asked W about the two of us writting a No Contact letter yesterday again and she replied "i guess so". Told her that she didn't sound to convincing, and that I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, that the NC letter will help me move on. Don't believe W understands why a letter is needed. Should I try and get her to read SAS, etc.? In the next couple of days I plan to have a letter completed.<P>i guess for my W to increase her trust in me, she has to know that I will not LB when she tells me the truth?<P>it's good to here of your progress in recovery! Good luck to you!!!<P>Looks like W and I are just entering recovery.<P>ron

Positive,<BR>I confess, I know nothing of your situation, but just looking at this post, I would say hold your horses on moving to Plan B. <P>This simple honesty and simple non LB is the very start of recovery....this is the first spark...I congratulate you on your calmness...absolutely perfect.<P>I agree with Topie...thank her and appreciate her efforts towards finding a new job...also remember..actions speak louder than words..and her actions look good from here.<P>You are right on about recovery being slow..."baby steps" is the phrase you hear and it's true. Please be patient and keep up your efforts to meet needs and avoid the LB's.<P>T