My wife left me last week and I am so confused. Among the issues she raised was the fact that she has a crush on an co-worker. She has told me that she has gone as far at to reveal these feelings to him but he views their relationship as just friends. I feel as though she's not telling me the truth because when she first left I asked if there was somebody else and she denied it. I don't think she's telling me the whole truth about the OP as the other issues she raised about our marriage seemed to be overblown and down right false - basically rewriting history. Why can't she just tell me the truth about the OP? The idea of not wanting to hurt me seems ridiculous because she has already doing it. I just want to know the full story to help me understand why this is happening.<P>I've read the different articles about infidelity here at MB and some interesting thoughts came to light. From what I have read is that some/most(?) affairs begin when somebody outside of the marriage fills an emotional need that the spouse hasn't. This makes sense in my case. W is currently trying to complete an internship for school. She's teaching a foreign language to a class of co-workers. In the past she expressed great fear that she would not have enough students to complete the project as many students have quit. One of her at work helpers/advisors is the OP. Might the OP have filled an emotional need by helping her and being supportive? I have nothing of substance to offer as I don't speak the language that she's teaching. All I could do was re-assure her she is doing a great job and to keep her head up.<P>She at first was against the totally idea of counseling then seemed a little less resistant. I seems to me that counseling will help bring the true issues to light and offer me some closure. Counseling may even offer us a chance to save our marriage. If she truly doesn't want to hurt me, why can't she see that lies hurt just as much. She's still totally free to move on but why not let me have closure based on the truth.<p>[This message has been edited by hockey_nut (edited September 24, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hockey_nut:<BR><B>From what I have read is that some/most(?) affairs begin when somebody outside of the marriage fills an emotional need that the spouse hasn't. This makes sense in my case.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Affairs also occur when one spouse FAILS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AGAINST THEIR OWN WEAKNESSES...<P>Part of her logic seems to perpetuate the idea that what she did was justified... Counseling will bring out TRUTH! Perhaps she is not yet ready to face it... Hugs to you hockey_nut!<BR>