I almost - almost - wish I were one of your bs. But only because you all seem to want to try to repair your marriages.<P>My h dropped the bomb on Sept. 12; I was already crying along with the rest of the nation - so what was a little more pain?<P>In our 22 years of marriage he admits to 3 As. When I start looking back, I have to wonder how much truth there is there. He hasn't been happy with our relationship for years and has walked out and will not consider a reconciliation.<P>Now my side. I thought we had a wonderful marriage. We've had lots of stress in it from long separations due to his job, but thought we were only getting stronger and were all thrilled that we're finally all together again (have been for 9 months). Before this we have been apart for 3 years with him home every other weekend. <P>I never had a clue and I don't consider myself clueless. Every weekend that he came home we jumped in bed and were together touchy-feely all weekend.<P>I don't feel like I'll ever get over the lies. Half my life went into this marriage. I thought he was my life partner and couldn't have loved him more. For the record, I still weigh what I did when we married 22 years ago.<P>It's beyond painful that he won't consider working on this -that he has taken all my choices away. That is so grossly unfair. <P>For the record, I personally don't want all the gory details. I went in for tests last week, praying that he hasn't left me with any ugly gifts.<P>We have two teenage children who overheard us talking about his As and now basically hate him. He has always talked about respecting women, being honest, not quitting. They feel like they've been lied to, too. <P>Everyone who has really known us is in complete shock, our kids included. Everyone thought we had a great marriage.<P>He stated that his need to leave was more important than what this will do to our kids. If he isn't the most self-centered, selfish egotistical person walking - then I sure don't want to meet the one that beats him. My feeling is that he is so ashamed and guilty of his actions that he can't live with the repercussions.<P>My, I do tend to go on. Sorry. After reading all of these from the agonizing ws I wanted to share with you some of the pain from the other side.

billbailey:<P><B>He stated that his need to leave was more important than what this will do to our kids. If he isn't the most self-centered, selfish egotistical person walking - then I sure don't want to meet the one that beats him.</B><P>Mine said a similar thing but added..."I think the kids are resilient...they'll get over it." They are aged 8, 5 and 4. He said this in counseling.<P>What a crock of fogese!!!

Mine, too!! "They'll get over it." !!! <P>Our son is 15 years old and had a horrible time the 3 years (from 12 to 14) we didn't live together - we had, and still have, all kinds of issues with him. Those are such hard years for young men, the hormones, needing a man to identify with, etc., etc. He, too, feels lied to and betrayed. <P>Our daughter is almost 18 - and doesn't want anything to do with him. She can't believe he cheated on me and lied to all of us for so many years. It makes her feel like everything she believed in was a big lie.<P>These kids were both so proud that they had such happily married parents. What a blow.<P>Don't really know why but we're going to mc this afternoon. I'm anxious to see what this is about since I've never experienced it before. I'll let you know what comes of it.

Hang in there billbailey...this infidelity thing is a very long process...my d-day was 4/25...<P>I, too, was 'clueless.' I knew we had a difficult marriage, but H had always professed that we work till we work it out...<P>He also said that we could make 'it' work for the kids...that it didn't have to be bad for them...<P>The <I>Just found out</I> forum has the Welcome, Acronyms,etc. of this site...Also read the Basic Concepts and other information...<P>Believe it or not, MC can be a good thing...we did for a couple of months and I saw progress event then...why were not in MC now is a long story...<P>Anyway, hang in there...there is always hope...<P>Time, Patience and consistency...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>