I have an aching desire to email OW. My H has told me that he won't call her anymore, etc....... She called him last week (actually returning a call from him).<P>I told him that I wanted to talk to her----He says go ahead-----hmmm, does he mean it?? Anyone??<P>Krystal

Is she married?<P>I called my husbands OW last monday. She is single. She was very taken by my call and I hope she understands that continued contact with my husband will result in future phone calls from me. Apparently she wanted a "relationship" with him but he is unable to do that with a wife and children, house and full time plus job with a 3.5 to 4 hour commute per day. <P>If it would make you feel better to call and say hi, this is ***** wife and I just wanted to make it clear to you that my husband and I are restoring our marriage." ECT...<P>It was a huge release for me.

No, she is recently divorced---But doesn't want her Christian mother to know the details-----I have called her before, but I feel that I need to do it again----<P>krys

On the other hand, if you know the OW is the B***h from hell that I have to deal with, then don't bother...she will use it against you and so will he. <P>OOOOHHHH! I would LOVE to tell her what I think of her, but I KNOW this woman and she will be all hurt and sad (boo hoo)that b***H wife sent her this AWFUL email.....<P><BR>I recommend you do NOT do it.<P>Sorry.<P>Instead, why not write a scathing letter and let us all respond here, in a nice safe place???<P>Love and light,<P>jacky

Just outline what you are going to say and run it by the MB. Have you seen Fatal attraction? you never know who you are dealing with. You don't want to start a lifetime of revenge coming from her. She maybe feeling rejected by your H and want to get back at you. I am definately for emailing her. But don't expect anything in return from her. and if there is a return don't expect the truth. <P>Here is the email I sent to OW. It is after my H sent a no contact email to her. At the time - I wanted a divorce. I never got a response from her.<P>OW,<BR>H sent you an email that said he has hurt some<BR>people by continuing an inappropriate relationship<BR>with you. H is a grown man and he is responsible<BR>for his own actions but you did play a part in it. My<BR>God says to love you and bless you and pray for you. <BR>Although I am mad at you I will pray you will never<BR>have to go through the pain and heartbreak that my<BR>family is experiencing now. I did feel like I had a<BR>responsibility to share my heart because me and my<BR>kids are real people with real feelings and real hurt.<BR>W<BR>----------------------------------------------------------<BR>Also, I talked to her on the phone in 1994 and she said that any problems between me and my H were between me and my H and that I need to talk to him, not her. <P><BR>

I don't really want to write something ugly----Just something like:<P>OW,<BR>H and I are trying really hard to keep our family together. This has been a long drawn out process for all of us. I know that you and H were friends, and that he helped you through your divorce, and you helped him when he was feeling down, too. But, we ARE trying to make this marriage work, and H cannot give his 100% to us, if he has contact with you. I know that he is having a difficult time not talking to you, but he has promised again that there will be no contact with you, because he wants to work at our marriage. Please if you do care for him at all---leave him alone---yes, he might try to contact you again, but I know that you do not want a married man, do you?? He loves us, but is just confused right now---Please for the love of GOD, leave him alone!!<P>I would say something like that!<P>Krys

notheard, I have spoken to her before, and she also told me to talk to him and not her----I also told her of the hurt she is causing our children......I am afraid that my H hasn't told her "the truth" about us getting back together. Or else he is lieing by omission--Know what I mean??<P>Krys

It sounds good. But I do NOT like this part <BR>-----------------------------------------------------------I know that he is having a difficult time not talking to you, <BR>-----------------------------------------------------------<P>Now you got me thinking I should contact OW. I sent my email to OW on 7/13 when I filed for divorce. Now we are back together. Should I email her again with a similar message like yours?<BR>

In the beginning, I emailed OW...<P>Her H said it was effective because it shook her up...my H hated it because she LB'd big time and he asked me to stop...<P>Because he asked me to, I did...<P>I also called her...I was never nasty, but made it clear that I still desired my H and my marriage and planned to 'do whatever necessary' changes to make it work...I also made it clear to her that he still 'slept' with me...<P>Again, big LB's to my H...she would call him and tell him that I said vile things to her...<P>I never cried, begged or pleaded...I didn't give her that power...<P>Yeah, it made me feel better for the moment, but I'm not sure it was worthwhile or necessary in the long run...<P>MBr's are usually mixed on this topic...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

notheard,<P>I didn't really like that part either, but I feel that she should know something about why he "might" contact her again. I don't think it would hurt to email OW in your case.<P>I just think that the OP should know what is going on in reality. i do NOT think that my H has told her all the truth......I feel that he doesn't want her to get mad ( and maybe try to keep her around awhile). I know that sounds like he isn't trying 100% with me, but i think it might be pretty typical at first. Am I wrong??<P>Krystal

JustPlaincali--<P>i agree that it might be a LB, but I also feel that if she knew everything, she wouldn't be sticking around like she is---who knows??<P>Anyway thanks for your reply!<P>Krys

I disagree...from what I have seen here, contacting OW is bad news. They dig their desperate little fingers in all the deeper. It is a power thing....do NOT give her any ammunition!!!<P>Instead, work this out with your H.

I talked to my H's OW for 35 minutes one day. I did NOT get any satisfaction out of it. At least in my case (and I'm sure in MOST cases), the OW wants my M to be over. She spent the whole conversation trying to convince me to dump my H. I do NOT believe they want to help us in ANY way. My H's OW is in denial that the relationship is/was/would ever be WRONG. I do not think any good can come of it. Just my opinion....<P>MOM

nina too, and MOM--<P>You are both probably right--I want to do it so she knows that we are trying to work-it-out. Selfish reasons on my part. I just don't trust my H. Has he told her that we are trying?? He took my book "Surviving an Affair" yesterday---He was amazed that his was a typical affair---not unique in his feelings, etc.... I just pray that he reads it and gets some insight.<P>He told me yesterday that he KNOWS that if he went to OW that he would be setting himself up for a fall, and he knew that he couldn't come back here, either...He is so confused right now----<P>Thanks for your replies!!<P>Krys

Here's the thing: they are in LOVE with your H. So, no matter what you tell OW, they will believe, trust in your H. Doesn't make sense, 'cause they know that your H has lied to you, but the OW is SURE they are your H's soulmate. Nothing you say that contradicts what your H may have told her is going to get through to her.<P>MOM

Faith n Him,<BR>I am convinced now - after everyone's posting... I won't do the email either. <BR>

I guess it is for the best for now.......(not emailing). I want to know that I am being told the truth..<P>When OW called H last week, he lied at first, and then told me about it-----When is the lying going to stop??<P>How do I know what H is telling her, or do I really want to know??<P>Krys

When are we sure that S is telling the truth?? Why can't we get both sides of the story??<P>From S and OP???<P>Just questions that I need answers to...

When do we know if they are telling the truth? I think by their actions, time, and consistancey. <P>You will not get the truth from 2 cheaters. It took my husband 6 years to admit to a PA in 1994. Of course I new it all along.<P>But his actions over time and commitment and consistancey to our marriage speaks for itself. If he is consistantly working on our marriage - meeting my needs, being found trustworthy.<P>If he begins to consistantly stop working on our marriage, stops meeting my needs, lying about his whereabouts, that would be a warning sign for me. <BR>

I do not and have not gotten the truth from my H or from one of his OW. I have talked to her on the phone several times and I have also spoke with OW H once as well. I made it very clear to OW that we are restoring our marriage and she would do better to just not contact him anymore. H has told me she has called once since I spoke to her to tell him goodbye. He was very angry that she called him at work (that's too bad!). I also talked to the OW H and told him I would be willing to share all of my evidence if he wanted to see it.