Yes, I know it was abig LB for me to do that ,but I did it anyway. I called her last night to ask her some questions about my H and her. SHe told me that she never slept with him, and on and on. Her story is the exact opposite of my husband's. And yes, he was very mad that i even emailed let alone taked to her. I'm like, well, if your telling me the truth, then her story will match yours, right??? My h says she's lying cause she doesn't want me to hate her or be more mad at her. She did say that she hasn't talked to him since April. SO, when i got off the phone with her I talked to my h. He says that she'd lying and i'm not going to belive her am i?? I looked at him and said... you know what?? I really don't care who's telling the truth. One of you is lying. ANd who would stand the better chance of lying to me?? HEr??? I told him that he should just move out until he gets his act together and really wants to make this marriage work. And if you don't want to, then lets just file for divorce this week. I'm way past tired of listening to lies upon lies to cover up the lies. I know, I know, major mistake on my part. But now, whether either one of them is telling me the truth, I don't feel the need to talk to her at all. I feel like for once in all this mess, that i'm going to be ok. I started college today, and i thought, you know whta girl, i'm going to be fine with him, or without him. Paytonrose

Read the thread about "should I email OW". Not that you can go back but maybe it will help you in the future.<P>But you know... don't be so hard on yourself. You are human and you are doing the best job you can in the circumstances you have been put in. There is nothing wrong with the way you felt. But it is how you reacted to those feelings. Next time instead of going to OW with your insecurities try going to your H. <P>Just know this... OW has nothing to gain or lose. She is probably scared of you (and she should be). Just pick up again on Plan A. The fact that you will be o.k. with or without him should give you the freedom to be more honest in your marriage about how you feel. That is what it did for me. <P>Hang in there. Make sure you are both in counseling. Keep posting.

Dear Paytonrose,<P>Sounds like you did something to let off some of your pent up stress. Now you can move forward. Your H needs to come clean. He may have told you more truth than the OW but now all the key players know each other. <P>How unfortunate that it takes this kind of action on your part to be able to move forward. Is this an LB? Maybe, was it needed? For you, only you can answer. <P>No one is going to beat you up here for what happened. Just glad you are safe. Some OWs can be quite ruthless. So I am glad you are ok. <P>The future is uncertain. Too much fog in your area. Proceed with caution. But you will be ok. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by paytonrose:<BR><B> I started college today, and i thought, you know whta girl, i'm going to be fine with him, or without him. Paytonrose</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>PR:<P>You go girl!<P>re: Talking to and e-mailing OW<P>Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do...<P>Take care <P>E<P><BR>

paytonrose---<P>What was her response to you?? Was she hostile? When I called OW months back, she told me that she had nothing to say to me, but would listen. She also told me: IF I LOVED SOMEONE, I WOULDN'T LET ONE DAY GO BY THAT I DIDN'T MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL. <P>Really.....coming from a woman who is divorced twice, and is after a married man with 2 children who absolutely adore him. <P>you did what you thought was right!! Keep your chin up, and know that you were doing it to protect your family, and marriage......Good Luck to you...<P>Krystal

Faith n Him, I just read your reply to me. You asked what she said. What didn't she say???? SHe wasn't hostile and was more than willing to answer my questions. She said thta they met at the place i thought and that she gave him her email adress. She asked if I knew about it at the time, i said no. She said if she would have known that i didn't know, she would have told my H to stop emailing her. Shge said the were just friends and was hoping to remain friends with both of us. I said no, that can't happen. I asked her what was she thinkning?? Did she realize that we were married and had 4 kids??? Did she want my H to divorce me and marry her and take care of her and her 2 kids?? SHe said no way!! Your H is not my type. I would never bring home a guy when i have my kids home with me. I wouldn't want to expose them to something like that. She said she did not sleep with my H and that she did not do anything that my H said she did. She said that she couldn't believe that my H would trash her name like this. Of course, I'm on the other end going, ya right!!! I'm supposed to belive you??? I asked her if she had a Bible around if she would swear on her and her kids life that she not lying to me, would she do it?? She said yes i would. She also said that if she could prove it to me that she didn't sleep with my H she would. She said to me, that she thought my H and I had the perfect marriage. I told her that no marriage is perfect and wee doing fine. It was weird conversation. WHen my H found out I called her, He freaked out. Couldn't belive i had done it. I told him, well sonmone is lying here. SO, if you didn't sleep with her, who did you cheat on me with??? I'm still in weird mode over this to some extent. LIes amd more lies. These are the days of my life. ANyhow, on a good note, I started college today and I'm very happy about thta. Its more the me coming out. Which makes my inside thrilled after such a verty hard summer,. Paytonrose

WEIRD!<BR>On one hand, at least she doesn't sound like the type of OW who claims to be in love with your H and wants to steal him away forever?<P>But then on the other hand, it makes me wonder if your husband made up the affair to cause you to want to leave him????? It all sounds too weird--the conflicting stories.<P>In any case, it sounds like you are moving on and feeling resolved and upbeat about it (no confusion on your part even in the midst of so much confusion), so that's definitely a plus! GO FOR IT!

BinthereDUNthat, I just read your reply this morning. And yes, I'm doing better mentally because I started school yesterday. I'm taking accounting classes, so if I had to, I know I could provide for me amd my 4 kids if it came down to that. I actually like college life now that I'm in my thirties. Geez.. I'm thirty something now. What a trip!!! anyhow, my girlfriend said the exact same thing yesterday to me. Through me for a loop!! She said, what if your H lied to you to get you to leave? When i talked to him after i called her, he became very angry. In his angry state he said, I didn't vheat on you. I lied about the whole thing. I wanted to see if you really did love me opr not. Then a few minutes later he changed his mind and said he had with her. It was sooo flipping weird!!!! I told him, you need to leave!! Get OUt1! Until you get your act, self together. I told him I need space and time to myself. He was almost in tears. Saying I don't want to leave you!! or my kids. I love you and now I know you love me. Its been two days since our talk and i still want him out. He won't leave. And i'm still thinking, what in the hell happened back then???? I do know for sure that not only was he drinking heavily then,but he was also taking Vicadin pills for his back. NOt prescribed though. His friend gave them to him. I don't know what to believe now. Its too wierd!! He couldn't have lied, right??? I mean that would be awfully cruel to put me through this much pain for the last 6 months? Paytonrose

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by paytonrose:<BR><B>I actually like college life now that I'm in my thirties. Geez.. I'm thirty something now. What a trip!!!<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Dear Abby(?) says, age is just a number, youth is a state of mind!! Therefore, I THINK I'M YOUNG, I THINK I'M YOUNG, I THINK I'M YOUNG!!! Oh well, tell that to my gray hairs!!! <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by paytonrose:<BR><B>... anyhow, my girlfriend said the exact same thing yesterday to me. Through me for a loop!! She said, what if your H lied to you to get you to leave?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It couldn't have surprised you all that much... You knew something was up with your H. It sounds like he's got some problems that literally have nothing to do with you!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by paytonrose:<BR><B> Its too wierd!! He couldn't have lied, right??? I mean that would be awfully cruel to put me through this much pain for the last 6 months? Paytonrose</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Like I said, he's got some emotional problems and has been very abusive to you, IMHO. Sounds like a movie plot or something and not real life only it is--this is about your life! His emotional abuse is unacceptable.<P>I don't know how you can get someone to leave if they don't want to leave. If I was serious about getting away from them, then *I* would leave.<P>Do what you think is right, but please, please, don't ignore the writing on the wall. I believe God uses people to speak into our lives and for two people you don't even know to both say the same thing ON THE SAME DAY(?!), that is pretty amazing so I would pay attention if I were you...<P>Some people play mind games and it sounds like your husband is dealing with some issues at your expense. Would he be open to counseling--without you? Then, he could get the right prescription. Perhaps he has a chemical imbalance in his brain which is totally treatable. Just a thought?<P>{{{{{HUGS FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS}}}}}<P>p.s.I would set up counseling appointments for the kids if you have insurance as a chemical imbalance could be genetically inherited.<p>[This message has been edited by BINthereDUNthat (edited September 26, 2001).]

Paytonrose it sounds as though you are okay with the decision you made in contacting the other woman. I see no problem with that. You've laid it on the line with your H to. I'm so proud of you for going to school. You go girl!! <BR>Take care.<BR>C

PaytonRose:<P>I called 1 of my H's OW 2 months ago. She said the same thing as yours. Sure, she knew my H, but never ever had an A with him. He wasn't her type & it sounded to her like I needed to get a grip on my M. She even went as far as to say let me talk to him & how dare he say I slept w/him etc. She suggested that H had a mental problem or something or was just fantasing. And then after all that the SL** says "Even though nothing ever happened did he say it was good?"<P><BR>YUCK!!!<P>D-Day was Feb 2001 & March 2001. 4 A's over 13 years. I see no reason for my H to lie about this particular one, because it was only 2x & was not much of an A.<P>I think she is lying because of her own marriage. My OW also was married & I think her H doesn't have a clue. If she admits anything to me she runs the risk of being discovered herself (I quess she has a pretty bad history).<P>Yes, I do want to expose her to her H. Can't wait !!<P><BR>Lisa

BinthereDUnthat, i just read your reply to me again. You thought my H was emotionally abusing me. Well, you were very right. He also has been mentally abusive as well. He's hit me once and other stuff which I'm too embarrassed to mention. Noone knows that stuff, too personal. Anyhow, I've been caught in this time warp with him for 14 years now. Married over 11 with 4 kids. I guess when I look back on it, I really didn't have any self esteem. Even now, I barely have any. I'm getting better at it though. Getting straight A's spring semester really made me feel good inside. When i first met him, he was everything I wasn't. A rocker, partyer, a person i knew my parents would hate. You know the kind. i initially was attracted to his softer side of him. the compassionate side. PLus, I'm sad to say, I picked up real quick that he'd be great in bed. I know, I know. Hey, I was only 17 then. I didn't even think about whether or not he'd make a good husband or dad to any kids we would have. At the time, i really wanted out of this itty bitty town. And he got me out of there, except I was 6 months pregnant at the time. Things started bad from the start. HE was living with his brother in a one bedroom apt. I assumed that we would get our own place. But, nope. He couldn't make his brother move out, so we stayed there until i was 8 months pregnant. And even then we couldn't get a two bedroom apt. that would cost too much. WE ended up in a little 1 bedroom. I had hardly no maternity clothes, I had hardly nothing for my new baby. It was mostly hand me down clothing and baby stuff. Thing is, my H made very good money then, And he still does today. I just get whatever he determines I need. I could just about cry right now if I had to tell more of my saga. Its something that has changed me forever. I'll never understand what I did wrong for him. I know i Lb'd alot but i'm getting better at not doing that. i'll I wanted was to stay home with my kids, have food in my house at all times, clothes for my kids, and maybe a little extra for fun stuff. Was that too much to ask of him???? I keep the house cleaned, he gets s#x whenever he wants, I'm pretty, i've lost all my baby weight. I weigh about 115 and i'm 5'5. I'm nice to him and I go out with him. Right now, the only reason I'm here with him is because I got that grant money. I needed that because i have 2 kids birthdays coming up, and Christams, and my kids need clothes, plus i'll need to but food as well. I don't even know if i can handle being here with him. He says he loves me. BUT,there is no proof of it. All bills are paid late, only when we get shut off notices,UGH. He has money. I know this, i've looked. Anyhow, I'm sorry for the long ramble. I'm tired today. Third day of school and i'm still trying to get all my housework done, do homework, go to class, homescholl kids and everything else. SOooo, I'm having a pity party for myself. HA!! PAytonrose