Well, I tried to take everyone's advice, and not file, but now I have no choice. My H is giving NO MONEY at all, not even child support. He is not paying his half of the bills or giving me child support, or even offering to pay for baby formula, or diapers. He blew his hole check on a room at an inn for a month. He said he did what he thought was best so he could spend time with his kids because I wouldn't let him take them to my ex-best friend's house, or to his brother's house (brother smokes - can't have baby around that).<P>Then he said he was going to use his next check to file. Well, I threatened him. I told him that if he filed before he paid his 1/2 of the bills I would contest the divorce, drag it out, and ask for spousal support. I told him that I would cancel his vehicle and health insurance, and I would do other things to make his life miserable.<P>This is ridiculous. I am not being unreasonable. I am letting him see the kids, even though he hasn't paid. I am only asking him to pay for 1/2 of the bills, and I pay for the other 1/2. If we go to court, the judge will probably make him pay much more. So, he's supposed to give me his check Friday. My sister is loaning me the money to file. If he gives me the money, I will file the easy way. If he doesn't, I will have to put a restraining order on him, and get a temporary support hearing.<P>Sorry guys...he's obviously NOT worth the wait. He is diligently pursuing my EX-best friend, and now he's not taking care of his children. Well, he knows that I am very smart, and I will NOT stand for him screwing with my parent's credit card, and my credit! It's war time!<P>Sorry - I know you are all looking for good news, but I need to have some support here. What kind of man brings a baby into the world, leaves when he is two weeks old, pursues his wife's best friend (brother's ex-live-in girlfriend), and then doesn't pay his part of the bills and child support?<P>So much for his values!<P>TIG

TIG<P>Have you thought about a legal separation----I don't know anything about it, but someone told me that he has to pay support that way, too. Check with a lawyer on that.<P>TrustinginGod, I like your name---I chose mine the same way.... Yes, you have to take care of yourself and Kids, but trust in Him---really trust!<P>I hope that you do NOT have to file! i am sorry H is being so insensitive to the kids, but remember that he is not his self right now..<P>(((((TIG)))))<P>Hugs to you, krystal

TIG,<P> I agree with FnH on this. If you go for seperation then he will still have to pay 1/2 of the bills and support for the children. I can understand the feelings that you have about your children. My W split my kids up and left to be with the OM and she sees them once every two weeks.<P>Indy

Well, if I'm correct, there is no legal separation in Texas. At least that's what I heard, unless they changed it since I heard that. So, still, I am left with no choice. Besides, I don't want him back now. Not unless he gives his life back to God. The way he is now, he is no one I know or care about. He is a drunk, an adulterer, and he's chasing his brother's ex-girlfriend (my ex-best friend). I was a good and loyal wife through it all. I know I am supposed to accept my responsibility for the failed marriage, but everyone who knows me knows that I did EVERYTHING I could possibly do to keep our marriage good. With the exception of losing weight, which I've done now.<P>I don't need this aggravation. My brother is near death, and both of my parents are so stressed that they both have high blood pressure. He is doing this to me at the worst possible time of my life, and I just don't think I could ever forgive him, even if he wanted to be forgiven.<P>Well, I take that back. I could forgive him, because the Bible tells us we have to, but it would be VERY HARD! The one time in my life that I truly needed him by my side, he deserted me.<P>TIG

<<<[QUOTE]Originally posted by TrustinginGod:<BR>[B]Well, I tried to take everyone's advice, and not file, but now I have no choice. My H is giving NO MONEY at all, not even child support. He is not paying his half of the bills or giving me child support, or even offering to pay for baby formula, or diapers.>>> <P>I know the laws depend on the state. I talked to a lawyer right after my H left because I had no idea what he would do. In my state you can file, but still actually contest the divorce. You just have to explain to the judge that the only reason you filed was because you need to get support and protect your financial interests. I thought it was weird, but that's the way it works here. Probably not done very often... Something to look into if you are so inclined.

I'm not sure about the laws in your state....but here in Indiana you can get child support without a legal seperation or filing for divorce.<BR>All you have to do is go to the Prosecutors office and tell them the situation....they will take care of it from there.<P>I was very close to doing this myself.<P>

Dear TrustinginGod, try this link, it leads to the divorce laws here in Texas (yep I'm here too, in Houston as a matter of fact.)<BR> <A HREF="http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/texas.shtml" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/texas.shtml</A> <P>I know you don't want to do this, but you must protect your children and yourself. God does not expect your children to do without, nor does he condone men refusing to support their family.

I think in Texas if the spouse commits adultery you get 75% of property. tell your lawyer to file for that but to drag it out as long as possible. that will give him time to think. tell him you'll have his wages garnished if he doesn't pay willingly. he might wake up when he realizes he can't get away with not paying and might loose most of everything. his girlfriend might not want him after she realizes she may end up supporting him instead.

Here are some more links to child support information for Texas<BR> <A HREF="http://www.oag.state.tx.us/child/mainchil.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.oag.state.tx.us/child/mainchil.htm</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/statutes/fa/fa015400toc.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/statutes/fa/fa015400toc.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.cyberstation.net/paralegal/txmodify.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.cyberstation.net/paralegal/txmodify.htm</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.split-up.com/splitgen/sp/tx/yourfinancialrights.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.split-up.com/splitgen/sp/tx/yourfinancialrights.htm</A> <P>And here is a link for checking out the divorce laws in all states. Please understannd, I AM NOT SAYING ANYONE SHOULD BE DIVORCED, I believe in marriage, I have stayed in mine after all. I just think it is wise to know the laws in our own states about it no matter what happens.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.divorcesupport.com/search/laws.shtml" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcesupport.com/search/laws.shtml</A> <P>Deb<P>[edited to add last link, I forgot to before, my bad as my son would say]<p>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited September 25, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TrustinginGod:<BR><B>So much for his values!<P>TIG</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Don't forget about yours!<P><BR>who<P>

Thanks to you all for the information.<P>To whothehellisshe:<P>What do you mean by that comment, "don't forget about yours!"<P>Just want clarification, because believe me, I have very high morals and values, and have stood by them from the very beginning of our marriage to the very end!<P>I strive to set as good an example as possible for my children. I want them to know they have at least one parent who knows right from wrong, and will teach them right from wrong, and live it. Not one who says, "do as I say, not as I do."<P>As for my husband, I only want what he owes me. I only ask him to pay 1/2 of the bills and pay child support. I could get much more from him by way of the bills, but I am TRYING to be fair.<P>I will remember my values, but I will not be stomped on by him anymore. Sorry if I sound cold, but the anger is what is moving me now. The love has flown. I still love the man I married, but for now, he is dead.<P>Thanks,<BR>TIG

In Pennsylvania there is no such thing as a legal separation. My attorney told me that the day my husband walked out was the day the legal separation started.<P>Currently I have access to the checking account, my H has to come to the house to get money every week. His paychecks are direct deposited. I told him that he can not stop his direct deposit until the divorce is final. If he does stop his direct deposit in the meantime I already have it planned that I will stop making his car payments. All bills right now are being paid by both of us (me being the once writing the checks and making sure the bills get paid). My H is taking no responsibilities in this at all. I'm not even sure where he is living right now. I've been told at a friend's and I've been told with some girl. <P>Also in the state of Pennsylvania, bills get split 50/50. I'm getting the house and he is getting his car plus a few other bills are getting split. <P>One day my H may realize that our marriage was worth saving instead of putting other things first in his life and wanting the freedom he has now. I'm sorry to say but he won't be able to survive out there with the portion of his bills he will have to pay. He thinks things will be easier.

I am in Texas. I have been divorced from my husband then we remarried. we have been separated and I filed for divorce a second time. now we are back together - life is crazy! Anyway, this is what I learned from my lawyer. 1) there is no such thing as fault divorce here. It doesn't matter who is wrong. 2) you can have a signed agreement for what he is to pay you in the interim (until the divorce is final) but even with that there is no way to enforce it. 3) All you can get garnished from his wages (once the divorce is final) is 20% of his income for the 1st child and 5% every additional child. Any additional amount you are at his mercy to pay. It will cost you attorney fees for anything that doesn't fall under 1,2,3 with no way to enforce it. Spousal support is only if you have been married more than 10 years. The attorney will cost a minimal of $2000 and that is with no extras. a restraining order can only be filed if your life is threatened. There is no legal separation. <P>You are doing the right thing. I am sorry you are going through this. I also have a strong walk with the Lord. Read 1 Corinthians 5 if you need Biblical assurance that you are doing the right thing. I have done intense Bible study over divorce - 1 Corithians 5 has the strongest advise for your situation but if you would like I can give you more. In fact, I will give you more. You have to protect you and your kids from the effects that you allow evil to have on your lives. I will post more.<P>Be encouraged. I am so sorry for your pain. <P>Sorry, that is what I have learned.

o.k. here is MY interpretation of scripture. But go to the Lord with it yourself. I am humble enough to know how clueless I can be on the things of God sometimes.<P>Matthew 16:26 What profit is it to gain the whole world and lose your soul <BR>(What profit is it if you gain your marriage but lose your soul)<P>Proverbs 16:17 The highway of the upright [is] to depart from evil: he that keepeth his way preserveth his soul <P>Isa 32:6 For the vile person will speak villany, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise hypocrisy, and to utter error against the LORD, to make empty the soul of the hungry, and he will cause the drink of the thirsty to fail<P><BR>Are you justifying your husband wicked ways?<BR>Pro 17:15 He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous, Both of them alike are an abomination to the LORD. <P>God hates divorce but to me it says husbands don't deal treacherously with your wife BECAUSE God hates divorce. God knows WHEN wives are dealt treacherously, husband are reaping the consequences of their actions: divorce. <BR>Mal 2:8 "But as for you, you have turned aside from the way; you have caused many to stumble by the instruction; you have corrupted the covenant of Levi," says the LORD of hosts.<BR>Mal 2:9 "So I also have made you despised and abased before all the people , just as you are not keeping My ways but are showing partiality in the instruction.<BR>Mal 2:11 "Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the LORD which He loves and has married the daughter of a foreign god. <BR>Mal 2:12 "As for the man who does this, may the LORD cut off from the tents of Jacob<BR>Mal 2:13 "This is another thing you do : you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. <BR>Mal 2:14 "Yet you say, 'For what reason ?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. <BR>Mal 2:15 "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring ? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. <BR>Mal 2:16 "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." <BR>Mal 2:17 You have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet you say, "How have we wearied Him?" In that you say, "Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and He delights in them," or, "Where is the God of justice ?" <P>Here are articles from Cloud and Townsend. <A HREF="http://www.cloudtownsend.com/Articles/prev_articles.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.cloudtownsend.com/Articles/prev_articles.htm</A> <P>My favorite is from The Simple Scoop on Boundaries: Limiting Evil<P>One of the other aspects of boundaries that is important is the limiting effect upon evil. Remember, because God does not control people, they are, in a certain way, free to be evil. He does not make them be good. He limits His sovereignty and control in some ways that we do not totally understand. But, even though He allows them to be evil, He limits the effects of their choices. He exercises limits on the effect that their choices will have on Him, His church, the world, etc.<P>He has also given us this duty, to limit the effect that evil choices that people make can have on life. One of the best examples of that is in Matthew 18:15-18. It is the role of us to take a stand and “bind” evil as it presents itself. Read Psalms 101 for a great description of how David thought about the things that must be bound so that the evil of others would not “cling” to him.<P>In addition, He wants us to limit the effect that the evil is having on their life as well. He wants us to restore those who get “caught up,” by evil. We are to put boundaries on the cancer that is destroying them and be redemptive in their lives. (Gal. 6:1)<P>God is about Life. He is about restoring good things. And to do that, evil things must be held in check and transformed. He has given us many tools to perform this function of the salt that seasons the earth:<P>Truth and Commands <P>Confrontation <P>Rebuke <P>Exhortation <P>Forgiveness <P>Group Intervention <P>Consequences <P>Discipline <P>Restoration <P>Limit Setting <P>Separation <P>These are some of the processes that God has told us to do that limit and restore evil. And, they work. The problem is that we do not exercise our control and responsibility to do these things in our significant relationships, the church, and the world at large. As has been the story since the garden of Eden, the mess is largely of our own making. If we would use our self-control to do these things, then we would not have the messes in various aspects of life in which we find ourselves. We have misused our freedom. But, the good news of boundaries is that you can take control back in your own areas of influence, and begin to limit evil and restore life.<P>

Thank you, notheard, for those wonderful and inspiring scriptures. I think you and I believe alike, in that, yes, God hates divorce, but he does give us the right to divorce when our partner commits adultery, or does not want to be with someone who is a Christian. <P>Maybe my H and I will once again reunite. That is, the H I know he can be if he gives his life to God. Who knows? I have put my life in God's hands, and am happier for it. I don't cry all the time. I have accepted the divorce and am not fighting for the marriage. I pray every night for God to open my H's eyes, and to save him, but I know that it will ultimately be my H's choice.<P>Right now, he is so caught up in sin, he doesn't even see good when it stares him right in the face. He justifies all of his evil actions. He even tries to justify them with scripture: "he who has no sin, cast the first stone." I told him when he said this that he needs to finish the scripture where it says: "go and sin no more."<P>Well, like I said, he's in God's hands, on God's alter, and I will only do what I have to do to protect myself and my family.<P>Thanks again!<BR>TIG