ok h moved back in sept.15 after living with ow for 8months.he is sleeping on the couch and saying we are currently room mates and need to work on being friends and if we can't get to that point then we will divorce.ow and him work together.and she gave him a chain which he is still wearing and sees no problem with it.he claims they are not together but i smell a rat.i asked if we are working on being friends than why did he come back?why didn't he just stay at her house.he said we then would of never been able to work on our friendship.i also said why did he stay with a family member?he claims he is upset with his family b/c they were somewhat involved while he was with ow.and he doesn't want to speak to them.meanwhile ow thinks he is staying with his aunt(still lying)if he wants to work on our friendship why can't he tell her he is staying with me?he also sees nothing wrong with them having lunch and i told him i was not okay with that.i feel like i am wasting my time and i will never be able to trust him.divorce looks like the answer more and more each day.<BR>and whenever he need a favor he runs to me but has ow thinking we are getting a divorce.what kind of sick game is he playing?i told him to be with her and just leave me alone.he just frustrates me b/c our 6 yr is just watching him move in and out and i think it will mess her up.he needs to make a decision help!!!!

It sounds like he wants to work on the marriage on his terms.<P>Have you read "love must be tough" by James Dobson and "Boundaries in Marriage" by Townsend and Claude? They are good books. <P>I think you have to set boundaries to get him to make a choice. Right now you don't trust him because of his continued contact. What would it take for you to trust him again? Would the "no contact" letter help? Tell him to write it - then give him time to write it. But if he doesn't then he made his decision to be with her and you have to let him go. Read "love must be tough" by James Dobson. By letting him go you also are giving him the option to chose you which takes time but is what happens 95% of the time. But is that a risk you are willing to take? to be the 5% that doesn't make it? When you have had enough it will be. By doing this you are respecting yourself and demanding respect from him. <P>draft a letter here about boundaries that he needs to meet to rebuild trust. I think a good boundary would be for him to NOT wear the necklace. Another boundary would be for him to find another job. What is it you need to work on the marriage. The boundaries I listed here seem to be ones that can not be compromised. If he can't agree then he has to go. <P>Read the info on this site about Radical Honesty and lovebusting. You need to share your feelings in a nonthreatening way. <P><BR>