Wow! First of all, he has called me twice in the last 2 days and we have had the longest, nicest conversations in 5 months.<P>He called me this morning and said he wants to come home. OMG!!! He said all the right things you guys.... No-contact with OW most importantly. He came over and switched cars, and we hugged for like 20 minutes . He is scared but realizes he screwed up, that I'm special, and he believes we can have a better marriage than before. We were all right in assuming his A was continuing even though he told me it was over. He has lived with her the past month!!!! grrrr..... So, he said she's going to be mad today when he moves home. I encouraged him to write her a no=contact letter. I will require it later. Didn't want to ruin the morning with getting mean about it. I relaly think he's serious. He sounds and looks like my real H.<P>He told me he loved me 3 times this morning. He knows he has a lot of work to do to make things up to me. He said he was very sorry. he cried and cried. He said I'm special and he doesn't deserve me.<P>I have to go to work in a minute, and my internet is down there, so I won't be able to see your replies today!!! Phooey, and I don't know when I'll be back on here tonight - with him being home. yikes! But please post anyway.. I'll see them sometime!!<P>We have a lot of work to do. I will need you people more than ever. I hope I can get us on the phone with the Harley's.<P>This is the day I've been waiting for. I'm scared to death though. sigh.... 4 months since d-day. Plan A for 3 months. I had picked out my new theme song last night.. "I will Survive" the SUpremes and Diana Ross. Listen to the words... hehe.. that was my song last night. Ready to move on!!! hehe... and then he calls this morning.<P>Praise God. THank all of you. This wouldn't have happened and I would've lost my mind without you.<P>well, I better get to work, I'll check back in a minute to see if anyone's responded.<P>I really know he's serious about this. well, I hope. darnit. I'm scared. But I'm so thankful for a chance.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Faith1,<P>I don't have much time, just wanted to you to know I'm happy for you. You are a special person and your marriage deserves a chance. Be prepared for some more ups and downs and hang in there.<P>sad dad

Faith -- you're obviously very excited about this. I'm glad for you.<P><BR>But I really don't understand this. There seems to be this rash of WS leaving home and returning home. Aren't there some recommendations about letting a WS come home? Shouldn't there be some protections in place? You said he's been living with her for the last month. Do you really think he's going to walk out of there tonight and never talk to her again? <P>Frankly I think you need more protection for yourself.<BR>I don't understand why you'd want him home right now.<BR>Personally I'd have more respect for a BS that stood up for him/herself.<P>Don't mean to rain on your parade, I just feel like I'm losing sight of what this whole MB process is supposed to mean if the BS's just keep letting the WS walk in and out as they please.<P><BR>

Somewhere in all this stuff, there is a recommendation that you make a POJA before the WS comes home. Well, you were so excited, and all, and I can imagine why, wouldn't that be great for all of us.<P>So suppose you let him settle back in for a couple of days, and spell it out for him good and proper...write it down, and get him to read what you expect, and he can write down what he does, too.<P>I only suggest this because it sounds like he will be home before you read these replies..if you were going to read before that, I would suggest doing the POJA BEFORE he moved in.<P>Take care,<P>Jacky

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You are so strong. You will survive.

Hi D,<P> I am sooo happy for you. I wanted to reply 'before' you give me all the details. You remember what I told you yesterday? Why not get your hopes up? You deserve to have high hopes. Your excitement is intoxicating <P> What everyone else is saying is true. But since it is not likely this is going to happen "before" H moves back home, just enjoy those good feelings for a few days. Then have the heart to heart with H.<P> I am so glad you are happy again. Remember, the ride will likely get stronger now, more highs, and deeper lows. At least for the short term. GOD I pray your H has seen the light and REALLY means what he is saying. <P> This is your time. As others have told H2Y, Plan A with all that you are. You were not really able to do that until now. Not really, even though you were always doing your best. Now you will have him in person to Plan A. Show him the changes he could not see while you were apart.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{D}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <P> Keep in touch.<P> jd

I am so happy for you!!! What a blessing. I know things looked so hopeless for you 2 weeks ago but you kept the faith and here you are! This is great news.

Congrats! Your H sounds very much like mine did when he came home the FINAL time (when real recovery started!) Be prepared to expect some sort of contact with the OW. Even if he doesn't contact her you can almost bet that she will contact him. Be strong and stand tough. You can make it through!<BR>

And not a word from you about this on icq last night!! <P>Obviously, this came as a totally complete surprise! (my H did it the same way).<P>Just as I said last night, just when you're finally ready to move on, the WS seems to know it, and suddenly POOF! Many of their senses come back. <P>Ditto on the protecting yourself still. Do NOT back down on your boundaries... no contact always being #1 priority. It will be a rough couple of months at first. There's a LOT that needs to be worked out, and it takes time to get it on the right track.<P>Karen<P>p.s. I guess when you send me your address, I'll need your H's name too... so that I can address the xmas card to BOTH of you!

Thank you all! Yes, Lex, I had in my mind how this was going to go... we would sit down and have a serious agreement before he came back. But I had to agree this morning. He knows No-COntact is necessary, he knows we need counseling. I plan on letting him settle in at least for today and tomorrow, like Nina said, and have then have our talk and agreements. Thank you Lex, for that. I am so scared about this. But he really said some things that I know he is serious. He could change his mind I know. Something we ought to do on this board is talk more about how BS's should handle it when WS wants to come home. I was afraid if I told him no this ,morning, he would stay with OW. He will be home with me, and we will have to start fresh. I'm well prepared for ANYTHING that will happen. He COULD call me this afternoon and change his mind - when OW sinks her claws into him. who knows? <P>Please keep posting, everyone, with your advice. I feel like What the heck do I do now?? ya know?<P>whew.... just happy he wants another chance. We'll do our best and see what happens. I'm going to try to get an appointment with the Harleys.

<P>That is so great Faith, KS and I are very happy for you. I knew you could do it. <P>I think give it a little time before you have the serious talks with him. Plan A your butt off for a week or two. Mark on the calander a week or two from now and tell him this is the day you want to sit down with him and discuss your plans together, and have a serious discussion about all of this. That way you aren't making him uncomfortable up front...let him get comfortable at home. Let him feel good for a couple of weeks so he doesn't think he made a mistake by moving back and suddenly he has to feel unconfortable and listen to a bunch of demands up front.<P>I think just love him and treat him as nice as you can, make him know he made the right choice. Do that mini-vacation idea or something. <P>We will be pulling for you faith, I know you will make it, just have faith in yourself and God and you can do anything. <P>Eric

That's good news faith, but prudence (and a desire not to ride the roller coaster) requires you keep in mind all the reasons he had the A and left are still in place. What you have now is the experience of living a month with ow, and what that means. You don't back your old H, you are getting back a different man (as are you different). Being human means the tendency will be to slip back into the old ways, the old relationship, the one that failed. Humans are dramatic, we respond to births, deaths, weddings, tradgedy, reconcilliations with a sort of intensity (like the euphoria you are feeling now, or the utter depression when a spouse moves out), and we aren't always thinking as clear as we should at those times and make ill-advised choices.<P>I agree, return should involve poja, answering of whatever questions you deem necessary, and insitution of extraordinary precautions. You need to know whether he left, or she sent him away, whether he is just feeling guilty (which will pass, if problems aren't resolved), these things implact waffling. Not that you need to focus on it, you focus on present behaviour, and the future, but going blindly makes it a little harder to choose your behaviour.

Wow, this is such awesome news!!! Even I've been losing hope for your husband ever coming home and now this? Comes as a surprise, but then again, the signs where there that he was thinking about it. Your changed attitude has really had him thinking. Now he is ready to try. Success isn't gauranteed, but at least you know you have a chance. You must be on cloud nine =) I know the feeling. I've been up there before, and then also came crashing down from there.<P>Don't change your attitude, though. As tempting as it might seem. Whatever you've been doing obviously has worked, so keep at it! Zero tolerance on LB! But also make your needs clear, as far as a no-contact letter that you get to see, and ask him what measures he plans on taking towards helping you trust him again. How will he assure you that no-contact is maintained? And if and when contact might be re-initiated, he has to promise to be open with you. And then you can help him through it, and be there for him while he goes through withdrawl.<P>It's going to be a long hard road, and it's easy to let excitement get the best of you, but keep your head clear and no compromises, remember?<P>I'm so happy for you

Very Very Happy for you Faith1! God Bless you BOTH!<P>I would offer that throughout the phases of an A, counseling with the Harleys is needed, but more so when the WS is ready to return to the marriage and recover. <P>I believe having the Harleys guide you both through the recovery process and talking to your H will help with knowing what you both expect from the new marriage. <P>What I've seen a few times is the WS is so happy to come home, almost relieved because all the things (fantasy) they THOUGHT would come true were dashed by discovering the OP was a dissapointment and not what they thought.<P>But regardless of this dissapointment the WS goes thru a withdrawal and at times becomes angry (Lora's story comes to mind). <P>Make that appt. with the Harleys, Faith. And I would suggest you perhaps post a thread on Recovery asking for their advice regarding your H wanting to Recover. There's some very wise people over there with first hand experience.<P>Love and strength to you, Hon.<P>Jo

Faith1--<P>Tears are in my eyes...you have been so 'faith'ful...so encouraging...you deserve this so much...<P>You know how hard the journey will be, but you have faith to sustain you...<P>baby steps...live one day at a time...have low expectations...remember you are only responsible for your part of the marriage ...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Faith-<P>I don't have much time. Just wanted to say congrats, and I hope all goes well! You are in my prayers!<P>Krystal

(((((FAITH))))<P>I'm so happy for you. Being newer here I don't know all the info about your H but am happy for you none the less. Agree with being cautious and the need for poja and the talk. Good luck and you'll be in my prayers. --KID

Woo-hoo!!!! I am so happy for you faith!! Everyone has pretty much covered what I was going to say.<P>Good luck! Let us know how it goes...<BR>HbH

Our dear Faith, I was worried about you and your situation. Your postings seemed to have decreased so I had assumed you were just staying away for a short time to strenghthen yourself. Now, it is so good to hear from you and your news! You have been an incredible asset to this board and it's inspiring to find that you are starting to recover what has been yours all along and what you so deserve. <P>Your H has the "want" back and now it your job to preserve that "want". Do it slowly and cautiously. Relish quietly in this success. <P>I feel very happy for you and knew in my heart that things would be better for you. Many congratulations!!

Our dear Faith, I was worried about you and your situation. Your postings seemed to have decreased so I had assumed you were just staying away for a short time to strenghthen yourself. Now, it is so good to hear from you and your news! You have been an incredible asset to this board and it's inspiring to find that you are starting to recover what has been yours all along and what you so deserve. <P>Your H has the "want" back and now it your job to preserve that "want". Do it slowly and cautiously. Relish quietly in this success. <P>I feel very happy for you and knew in my heart that things would be better for you. Many congratulations!!