Hi everyone. I got a big bombshell last night. H and I had gone out to dinner and just looking at cars. We were having a pretty good time. Converstation and just being silly. Then I made the mistake of asking how he was feeling about us. That led to convo about A and OW. I feel I did no LBing--didn't raise my voice, be condicending(sp?) or get mad. Then all of a sudden he gets all mad and saying that he can't talk to me he just gets so mad that he feels he is going to blow. Thats why he wants to move out because he can't think. Of course I had felt things were going ok but in the back of my head was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I told him if wants to go then go. <P>We got home and I took the sitter home and by the time I got back he had a suit for work today and a small bag packed. Didn't say a word just left. I was suppose to work today but who could concentrate after this. Still took the girls to daycare so I am running around getting info on child support and the such. I left a message on his voice mail re: if this is what we are doing then we need to talk tonight and figure some things out.<P>Bad thing is I am here alone. No family what so ever in the area. My only friends are a small cirlce of girls that I work with. I am thinking of taking a leave of abscense from work and heading back across country with the girls and stay with my folks for a while. Then he can have some time and I also can think things out plus have my family support there. What does anyone think of this?? Should I go or stay and continue doing what I am doing? I have been Plan Aing as best as I can. Any input would be appreciated. <P>Background--mid 30's, 2 girls 5 and 3. thanks in advance!!-KID

KID--<P>I am so sorry...I know this must be hard for you...<P>1st...don't make any rash decisions...your H can change his mind in a heartbeat...<P>2nd...if you feel like you've done a really good plan A, do you feel like you're ready for plan b? You might start writing your letter and see how it feels...Check out posts by mthhrhbard...she advocates separation for waffling spouses...<P>3rd...don't panic...and do gather support for yourself...I don't know if I could advise you to move just yet...but you might keep that for later...especially closer to holidays when family support might be even more essential... <P>You can control your reactions to this! But you it's not OVER...this is just another step in the long journey...<P>Wish I could reach out and hug you...<P>[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[KID]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]<P>Cali<P><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Cali-<P>Thanks for the hug!! I definately am in a big need for them!! I forgot to mention that H also stated that in a couple more sessions that he would be done with counseling. Feels its too expensive and MC hasn't said anything profound. <P>As for me leaving I feel that this timing might be good because of 1) H would have "his" time and 2) I don't know if I would be able to get leave over the holidays. Agree though that time would be good. <P>I also agree that maybe this is what both of us need to think things through. In fact it might be the only way.<P>Thanks again!!

Hello Kid,<P> Sorry for your pain. Sounds like this could be something he sort of planned for. At least from your description of the events leading up to the blow up.<P> I think "TAKING A TRIP" of a week or two would be beneficial. Certianly not a move at this point. The time away will/would be good for both of you. I am a strong proponent of taking 'time out' to let things cool down and for both spouses to get their heads and hearts into what they want. <P> However, keep in mind that for the WS it is likely exactly what they want. So taking the time away is more for yourself than for them. It gives you the chance to recharge your emotions, decide if you even want to fight further etc.<P> Take it slow and think things through before you act on anything. Good luck and keep us posted.<P> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P> jd

JD-<BR>Thanks for the support. I definetly don't plan on doing any sort of permanent move. Don't think I could really take the girls completely away from their dad. But I do feel that a "time out" would be beneficial. I agree it could be better for me than him but hey I deserve something better huh!!