All, thanks for all the advice. Wish I could say everything is peachy king here but you all know the drill! W told me today what she wanted. Not to my liking but nothing I can do. I will continue Plan A for four weeks, maybe a few days after I come home and the to plan B. We are discussing a lot of things like child support, since we are going to live pretty close together, I ask her if I could keep the kids on the weeks that I was off work. I even offered her a opportunity to go to some kind of trade school were she didn't have to rely on a man to make her a living. Offered that a lot while we were happily married but she wouldn't take it. Hope she does now. You know the saying: I think it goes something like this: Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, or teach them how to fish and feed them for a lifetime! At least we are not cussing and fighting! I told her that after the kids go to bed tonight that I just wanted her to hold me and not say a thing where I can cry and let it all come out. I haven't been to sleep in two and a half days and my stomach is in knots. I want to let it ALL out. I told her that when I leave I want it to be on a good note and for us not to hate each other. I don't want either one of us to have to go through that. I don't want my kids seeing that either. I've seen it before and it is not a pretty sight. The kids don't turn out healthy! Not to say that mine will if this leads to divorce(which it seems like it) but atleast that is one thing that could go right!<P>You know, different from other things in life, this is something that no matter how many times you go through it, it doesn't get any easier. But atleast right now it makes me feel alive! It hurts like nothing else in the world but I DO KNOW THAT I AM ALIVE!<P>I told her what the makings of plan B was and I don't think she liked it very much but she has to understand that I have to heal. Understand, I'm not giving up but I can't just hang on and wait for her to come around, even if she ever does.<P>I have a house rented so I do have a place of my own to stay. Had lots of friends to offer but can't put that burden on them. <P>Hope she knows what she is doing, if so, she is way ahead of me! <P>Well time for my cry now! Catch you guys tomorrow!<P><BR>Regards<P>Roughneck.....<P><BR>P.S. Went to my first session with the counsilor today, going to go back monday for another session. First session was great. I have high hopes of this man helping me help myself.

ARRRRGGGHHH I just wrote reems and reems (well several paragraphs) to you and the dang computer erased everything (couldn't possibly be user error). Anyway, now I'm spent. Just want you to know that you apparently are still fairly early on in this process (and it is a process). Try to hang in there. Work on YOU. Time and patience. (I HATE that but it is so true). thinking of you... (dog gone it,wish I could get my original post back - it really was profound :-). Prayers!<P>Debbie

awww, Roughneck,<BR>I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. Not sleeping and crying??? Definitely not normal behavior for a man who should be snoring every night, ey? But definitely normal behavior for a lovesick man... {{{{{HUGS}}}}}<P>EYES! We need to get some more memory installed in your computer! LOL!

All, thanks again! Doing some things that need to be done around the house today. Trying to keep occupied. It's a shame that I won't be able to enjoy living here. (Just bought it last time I was home from work) Not a bad place for my children to grow up. <P>Got one last date with the W tomorrow. We are going out to eat and discuss more details. <P>After my cry last night, (felt like I was dying but felt 100% better afterwards) I looked up at her and she had this distant, indifferent look on her face. I think that helped me realize something. What I don't know but I felt different after I seen that. We started talking about all kinds of things and I told her that she needed to let go of all the wrongs I done to her and set herself free from the resentment that she has for me. I told her that I wanted to part ways in a loving manner. (hope there is such a thing) Told her it wasn't fair to take it out on the next person what we did to each other. I was pretty open after the cry and told her that. I told her that I was venerable and could get hurt real easy right now. Everything went well until she brought her "friend" up. She started telling me that he knew me to a T. Of course that pissed me off and hurt my feelings as well. I'm sorry but I don't think he knows me at all. He can't! As far as that goes, I told her that I hope that the two of them know every side to each other. (I know they don't) Two years on the net and talking on the phone and a week together in Memphis doesn't make you "know" the person.<BR>But she said that they were going to take it slow. I just don't see that happening. She has a lot to face in the coming months and I hope she is ready to deal with all of it. <P>Haven't told the children yet. We are going to wait till I come home from work next month. I don't know what to say to them. I feel that I have let everyone down. Especially them! Hope I can find the words to say when that day comes. If you have any advice, I sure could use it.<P><BR>Thanks <P>Roughneck

Hey Steve,<P> Man I am sorry you have to deal with this crap. There is something very evil in it all. <P> Boy, do I know the look you saw in your wifes eyes. When I saw that look I felt as you do. Was evil to me. <P> One thing to realize. You did not do this. You did not let down anyone. No one should have to deal with this kind of stuff when they are doing the best they can at supporting the ones they love. Sure, you did things that hurt your wife. But that does not give her the right to have affairs. That is solely on her shoulders. <P> She will have to live with her choices. One day she just may wake up and realize what she has done. I hope that happens while you still love her. <P> I find it quite funny actually that WSes can think they know someone just by having an affair with them. It doesn't matter if they spent many days together. They can't know each other that well. And I find it really odd that they think they could EVER trust an affair partner. By their very actions they show their morality, their trust-worthyness. Some say once a cheater always a cheater. I don't want to believe that, but how can we ever really know? <P> I am sorry for your pain. Hang in there and post here as often as you can. It really helps ease the pain a little.<P> jd

Heres one for ya! You ever heard the the options of sex? One is by yourself. Two is with each other. And three is with another person. <P>What the hell is she trying to get out of me? First option is good for me when I feel the need to. Two is, is, well, I don't know what two is! Three is very scarey to me. It has been a very long time since I have been with another woman other than her.<P>Then she asked me if I would tell her if I chose number 3! I don't know if any of you have been through this, but it is very awkward for me! I didn't know what to say, I just told her that when I do, it will be over for us. She said it is already over. Hmmm? Why would she want to know something like that anyway! If it was over why would she care? <P><BR>Post another tonight!<P>Roughneck

yes please do