Guys,<P>Interesting. Very interesting. I came out of the fog last night with respect to my A. Which is the good news but I didn't expect to feel like this ;( what an idiot, man, what a damned idiot.<P>Just thought somebody out there might be interested <P>- Freddy.<P>

Of course I'm interested. Say, how did your wife enjoy her flowers? Remember the ones you said you were going to buy after you read Recovered?'s story??? Don't mean to put you on the spot, in case you didn't have time to get any, but just was wondering how it went?<P>Also wondering what exactly clicked in your brain that got you to think differently? And how exactly do you know you are out of your "fog?"

Freddy that's great news. I'm sorry I'm not more familiar with your story. What exactly happened to make you see the light? What was your wife's response? Please keep us posted. Good luck to you.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:<BR><B>Also wondering what exactly clicked in your brain that got you to think differently? And how exactly do you know you are out of your "fog?"</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bin,<P>I don't know what happened in my brain - I really don't. But I do know that not seeing the OW and that my W has (unknowingly) been Plan Aing me (although she's been LBing all the time) has contributed to whatever happened. Harley is right - break the contact, get away from those influences and get your head straight. I can imagine it's a little like going cold turkey for drug abusers. then give it time for all that poison to work its way out of your system. Out of your head.<P>How do I know I'm out of the fog - that's easy. Real easy. I regained my sense of objectivity. It's back. I'm able to reason again and I can attribute a value to everything which is in my life. <P>It kind of hit me last night, despite my Wife LBing, I was able to look at my boys and say to myself 'these guys are worth fighting for'. I don't want to loose them. <P>I looked at my W (when she came home that was) and I said, yep, the reasons I was attracted to her 13 years ago, are still valid today. I love her so much and if she feels that way about me, then we have a chance. And I'm prepared now to go back to my Plan A. I feel the energy returning. The will to try again is going strong inside me.<P>As to the A - I'm in shock. Bin, this was really stupid. It seemed great at the time - and the emotions which it evocate are powerful - but it was really a stupid thing to choose to do. I'm gonna work at protecting myself from this happening again.<P>As to my Ws A - I can understand why she's been where she has. It makes sense now. She's never going to admit these emotions. Never. But if she's realised what's important she'll know what we have to do.<P>As for those flowers - that's where I'm off now. I didn't have a chance to do this yesterday (too busy at work) so now is the time I'll let you know what she thinks.<P>- Freddy<P> <P><BR>

Kewl! You should be able to get flowers at good prices this time of year! I'll just keep praying for you guys and maybe your wife will mature a little bit and start to lean toward spending more recreational time together with you instead of gal pals. You really should put each other first, ya know?!<P>Not to burst your bubble, but at least you know what messes you are dealing with right where you are, and that those messes are tolerable. WHO KNOWS what other new mess the OPs could bring into your lives! Way to go, Freddy, face your own truths and shoot for contentment regardless.

Freddy, I'm sort of new here so I don't know your story but even so I'm so happy for you and your W. I started crying while I read your post and I'm still crying while I respond to it. It's thrilling to hear of someone's breakthrough. I know that the road travelled so far has been a difficult one for both of you. Your story gives me hope for the future. I wish so badly that the fog would lift for my W the way it has for you. I wish the two of you all the best on the rest of your journey and keep us posted.

Freddy...<P>I hope...you will be willing to keep us updated on your progress. I sure don't won't to quench the wave of strength and victory your are experiencing. But experience has proven to me...that another wave of feelings can sweep over you ....regardless of 'how clear' it all looks now. Please...let us know...how you handle those potential episodes should they arise. <P>If this does not prove to be the case for you...keep on going....and more power to you.

<BR>Cali is all smiles for you Freddy!<BR><I>I can see clearly now....gone are the dark skies that had me blind...</I><P>Platonic Hugs...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Ok, it's done. Three beautiful (blood) red roses with long tall grass - looks really great - I'm a minimalist believing design is better than quantity !!!! Was gonna choose sunflowers but a rose is symbolic. <P>She was happy. I told her I loved her and that we both know what we need to do. I've asked her sister to look after the boys tonite and I'm taking the W for a glass of wine at one of our favourite places. Yeah <P>I'm going back to my Plan A and hope to move to recovery status as soon as it's possible.<P>cybil, my stories in here - somewhere. It's a mess.<P>StillHangin (wanted to shorten your name, then had to smile!!!!!) - best thing to do, is get the contact broken with the OM and Plan A your heart out. It's a hard road - and you'll feel like giving up - I'm not out of this yet but I've found new strength to keep going.<P>Bin, Cali and everybody, as you know I don't follow a religion but somebody sure smiled on my little patch this week if it's your prayers working, thanks.<P>- Freddy<BR>

Hello Freddy and CONGRATULATONS on this huge milestone...as others have already voiced, the fog is a much safer state to be in sometimes so please, please, when you're feeling insecure, don't rush back, come to us if you have to and we'll help you through it. <P>I am so glad to hear that you have finally experienced the "snap". It doesn't even matter what triggered it. It just matters that it happened. The best is yet to come on your road to a more magnificent marriage and love.<P>Out of curiosity, how long have you been in your foggy state?

Terrified,<P>I found out about my Ws second affair in June. I was PlanAing my heart out and getting rebuttal after rebuttal. I was on the verge of PlanBing because it hurt so much and then I slipped into an A of my own making.<P>So, I've been in the fog about 6 weeks - I had what Bin calls a revenge A. It felt real good at the time - had some of my short term needs very nicely met - thankyou. But it was stupid. Endangered a lot of things. The A did make me feel better for a while but the OW lives in another country so I was effectively cold turkey. If she'd lived closer and I'd been able to see her again it may have taken longer, I'm sure of it.<P>Anyways, slowly I've been coming back to the rational world. I'm better able to make judgements and see what is important and value that. Now I understand where my W has been and what she's been going through. Withdrawal is not easy - screws up your mind.<P>My strength to fight for my W is returning and since we've been in counseling she's started to realise that many aspects of her behaviour have been, let's say, less than desirable. We've still along way to reach the path of recovery but I guess you can say, we're both on it now.<P>I'll keep you guys updated - and help you all a little if I can <P>- Freddy<P><BR>

After five years of an affair with OW at the workplace I finally decided my emotional state was out of control. The constant stimulation which I thought I could control was impossible. I decided to transfer out to a brand new location. At this time I am trying no contact. The fog has lifted somewhat as I am starting to regain common sence and vital thinking skills needed to rebuild my marriage. Leaving the location that provided a constant daily stimulation by OW was a necessity. For anyone to say they can stop the A and still carry one at the workplace as just friends is superhuman. My problem now is that I know I will see her at a meeting coming up next month, I have ignored her e mails and have even written her a no contact letter, staying strong has been difficult but the fog has lifted somewhat. Its like being an addict, even reading posts of how great sex was with OW or thinking about the highs of the affair makes me take a deep breath and struggle with it all. It has gotten better with no contact although she does not see why I must have no contact. She just wants to be friends and meet every once and awhile even though I have chosen working on my marriage. Either she is selfish, doesnt think like a man, or has her own agenda in mind.

Hey Freddy,<BR>I hope your date went over well and yes, I agree "less is more" EXCEPT when it comes to tuxedo cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory! MORE IS GOOD! <P>Dear gastonp, what you are doing is the right thing. You can make it. Read some of Harley's Q&A on surviving infidelity, all very interesting and helpful! Good luck to you and your wife on rebuilding!