What do you think my wife was thinking when she was going to school wearing long underwear only with a long coat over top. I felt it was not modest and wouldn't let her go until she changed her clothes. Mostly she was covered but still it was obvious she had only underwear under her coat. I felt it was suggestive. Maybe I am too sensitive because of my wife's affair in December. My wife said she was just cold and didn't have anything to wear. My wife is beautiful and not stupid.

By long underwear, do you mean a bodysuit or leotards?<P>Was your wife planning on wearing the coat all day long? What if the classroom was hot?<P>I have nothing against bodysuits if one has the figure for them (I certainly don't! ), but they should be worn with a skirt or something. Some people wear the extra long sweaters with them.<P>I think your wife needs to learn what is in good taste to wear and what is not. Maybe you could give her a couple of subscriptions to fashion magazines.

The underwear was like long white underwear (white color), the top was a white inderwear Tshirt with long sleeves and a frilly thing on the neck but which people could see were bed time clothes. It's better than just a bra and briefs I guess. But if she took her coat off then she would be in her underwear. She said she didn't plan to take the coat off. Well at lunch I went shopping with her to buy some new clothes that she was happy with. But I didn't understand the strange thinking. Once before when she was angry with me she was going to go to school with a sexy hot pink slip underneath her coat with no other clothes. I refused to take her to school then too until she changed. She said it made her feel good. Then just one other time the teacher was angry with my wife so my wife went to school in a low cut sexy party dress. I told her before not to attract the attention of men. She said she wasn't planning to but just wanted to send a message to the teacher that she was happy and that the teacher's anger didn't bother her. It was an ESL class. Normally my wife is a very sharp dresser and likes to wear party clothes. So I guess it is just something strange about her sometimes. I don't get the logic. If my friends knew my wife was just wearing a sexy bedtime slip under her coat and nothing else, then what would they think? I guess my other reaction could have been to just let her go ahead and see what happens but I didn't want to do that. Thanks for your advice Lady Clueless.

Interesting...<P>The pink slip and nothing else, (meaning no panties???) makes me suspicious as to why she is NOT dressing that way for you, but for another person... Then again since she is the WS, who really has a clue but her?!! <P>As for the "long underwear" I don't know where you are from, but here in California, I've seen people often wearing those as shirts with jeans and maybe (MAYBE) a shirt over it and it's no big deal. The long undie BOTTOMS with nothing over but a coat, now that's a different story!!! That is puzzling to me just because of the way they look--sort of see thru!<P>Well, you go boy! For making her change. I'm with you. If my husband had any problems with my outfits, I would change on the spot and he would do the same for me. At least she respected your wishes and changed. I think that's good.<BR>

Hi Rodger,<P>I don't know your story at all, so forgive me if I am way out of line here when I ask:<P>Do you think this could be some sort of fettish?<P>Sorry, it just sounds a little odd to me.<P>Nina

Nina,<P>Roger's wife is from China. <P>Roger, <BR>I have seen people from other cultures wear what we call sleeping clothes (pajamas, etc.) out in public. But what you are describing is a person who wants to attract attention. This is a dangerous game your W is playing. If she is giving you a bad time, then you have to decide if you want to baby sit her and pick out her clothes (because she is not making sensible choices or not. What are her intentions? <P>Rog, I hate to say this but I think she is playing you for a pawn. You supply her with the ability to continue her lifestyle. It does not look like she has respect for herself or you. <P>Sorry for the blunt statements. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>

I don't think the average Chinese woman would wear those flimsy pink things in public! They are very conservative, from what I have read...come to think of it, that may be the problem...brought up in a very restricted environment, she may feel a need to be flamboyant.<P>But thanks for the input.

<<<<I felt it was not modest and wouldn't let her go until she changed her clothes. Mostly she was covered but still it was obvious she had only underwear under her coat. I felt it was suggestive.>>>>><P><BR>2 things come to my mind when I read this...<P>First, why would she want to wear something that appeared to be underclothing or PJ's to somewhere she would be seen? I've been known to drive kids to school, etc with PJ's on, but I don't get out of the car. From what you've described, I wouldn't exactly call the outfit alluring and she seemed pretty covered. <BR>Would you also consider wearing workout clothing inappropriate? Cause I wear that all the time when I have an exercise or dance class later that night or while going to work-out and sometimes stop for a drink on the way home in it and thing nothing of it... though some might feel that it is sexy as it is obviously skin tight lycra bodywear made for exercising. But it is for the purpose of it that I have it on .. not to attract attention.<P>Secondly, and I think I'm in the minority here on this one... but hmmmm .. how to say this.... I would greatly resent my H telling me that I HAD to go and change my clothing to leave the house. I can dress it up or dress it down depending on MY mood and activities of the day... it's really such a personal choice issue.<BR>It's not like she went out of the house in a bustier and fishnet stockings. Why make it another issue for your marriage?<P>Just my humble opinion <P>

Maybe dressing sexy is her way of acting out toward angry men she cares about, you know, to win them back or make them jealous somehow, even if it is not you??? I agree, kind of strange thinking, because I can't understand why she would dress sexy when the teacher (not YOU, her H) is mad at her? Why would she think the teacher would care??? I mean, why is she trying to make points with the teacher? <P>Hmmm... Rodger, is/was she attracted to her teacher? Would he have a reason to care one way or another about her cleavage?<P>Maybe she thinks dressing sexy is the American way to win points with men, but doesn't know how/where to draw the line? I could be wrong, but don't Asian women tend to be subservient for the most part? That could/would sort of explain why she went ahead and changed her clothes??? Just a dumb guess???<P>(BTW, my paternal grandmother is Japanese, so please don't think I'm being prejudiced or anything...)

The teacher was a lady. And modern Chinese ladies aren't at all like the older subservient ones. The modern ones marry anyone and if it doesn't work out just divorce and never give it a second thought.

To Waiting to Exhale...I get what you are saying about the H telling her she has to change, but think of it this way...<P>If your H decided he wanted to go to the office in a speedo bathing suit, that's all, would you let him go out the door, or would you think he'd gone bonkers and not let him out like that to make a fool of himself...?????<P>To Roger: I'm with the one who asked if it might be a fetish. It is most unusual, plus she knows it drives you nuts, and yet she continues. Is it possible that she is "flashing" in class...(to the teacher/another student?). And as for keeping the coat on during class, why would anyone purposely make themselves sweat like that.<P>I'd suggest therapy, really. This is too bizarre. Good luck.

Oh, I think I'm getting it now... But, I still stick to my theory that dressing ?sexy/funky? is her way of acting out her moods to get back at people.<P>For example, maybe she wanted to distract the class from the teacher with her sexy dress? (Even tho you already asked her not to draw attention from other men this way...)<P>And, I think she dressed in the slip and the long undies to make you jealous. Thanks Rodger for bearing with me. That's my take on it, nothing too deep, really?<P>Have you ever sat down and asked her how her feelings inside relate to her expression in clothing? She might have some interesting answers for ya!? OR better yet, you guys could go window shopping together and you could point out different outfits and ask her what mood she would be in to wear certain things? You could use this as a creative date to get to know her better? To try to understand how your wife's emotions relate to her extreme choices in clothes.