I am so sad. I don't know how to believe in my H anymore. He's been staying at his sister's for a week. 1 week ago, he left home (at my insistence) because he was lying and continuing to talk to OW (probably see her too). I couldn't take the hopes, then the heartbreak of finding out about continued contact. On his way out the door last week, he gave me a fat envelope with a card for me, a note and a copy of a very good "no contact" letter to OW. He claimed that he taped it to her front door that noon. My problem; I could NEVER tell before if he was lying to me, even when we were face to face. How will I EVER know that it's truly over? Even while he was speaking to her daily, I thought that my H and I were getting closer. Then the night before I found out about continued contact, we had sex. It was like (almost) the good old days. I was actually starting to BELIEVE it was truly over with her. Then I find out he's been talking to her all along. I'm so afraid to open my heart. How do I go about doing it? How does any of us ever really really know it's over? He's told me so many lies over the last 10 months. I'm sure there's so much more I don't even know yet. I'm losing hope of ever being able to forgive.....<P>MOM

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> My problem; I could NEVER tell before if he was lying to me, even when we were face to face. How will I EVER know that it's truly over? How does any of us ever really really know it's over? <BR>MOM[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well let's see. You can hire a really good PI. I became a supersleuth myself for awhile. I guess I felt comnfortable when I realized there was no unaccounted for time (no working late etc) I could always contact him. If he wasn't at work he was with me (all by his own doing) etc. But then again. He still could have been talking to her on his work phone and I never would have known. So maybe we never can know for sure. All I know is that for him to have still been actually spending time with her was pretty much impossible.<P>

Thanks FD,<BR>I am my own supersleuth too. I ALWAYS found out about contact. I figured out his voicemail code at his apartment (when we were separated before). I also figured out his cell phone voicemail code (he's not very original). This is how I've found out about contact in the past. This last time, OW called him on his cell phone from VA. My H knows I check the cell phone recent calls list. I think he thought that since it wasn't her regular phone number, I wouldn't think anything of it. When I asked him about the call, he claimed he couldn't remember who it was! We live in MN and he gets a 10-minute call from VA and he can't remember? This is how it's been for me. So for me to ask now "has she called? Have you called her?" is such a joke. Like he NEVER told me when I asked before "yes, we talk almost every day." I asked him today "has she called? Have you called?" When I heard "nope", I almost broke out laughing. Why do I even ask....<P>THIS SUCKS. I DIDN'T EVER ASK TO BE THIS SUSPICIOUS, UNTRUSTING, UNBELIEVING, ANNOYING, PATHETIC WIFE...I absolutely HATE it. Honestly, I don't know how to get past it.....help please!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Myownme:<P>THIS SUCKS. I DIDN'T EVER ASK TO BE THIS SUSPICIOUS, UNTRUSTING, UNBELIEVING, ANNOYING, PATHETIC WIFE...I absolutely HATE it. Honestly, I don't know how to get past it.....help please![/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know the feeling! My H wasn't very original with his passwords either lol. Usually took me 2 tries to figure them out. Anyway, I think the way I got past it was when I ceased to find anything. When there were no more voicemail messages from her etc. When he was spending all of his time with me, not acting sneaky etc. I kept snooping for a long time afterwards, just to make sure. Still do an occasional spot check. Ended up hanging up on our tax preparer lol (mysterious number on cell phone).<P>

My STBX lied to me all the time. I never confronted him about anything until I knew the truth. The truth being that I found out from someone else other than my STBX. Then I confronted him and he would make bigger lies.<P>I found that if you want to build trust in someone, going and checking on them will not increase that trust. There are times right now that I want to drive over to this girl's house to see if he is there but the more I think about it the more I realize that I'll be even more sick knowing he is there. I have to move on with my life. I tried working on my marriage and just by speaking to my STBX at times, I knew he was lying to me about things. He didn't want to put an effort into working on the marriage. <P>I filed for divorce. He wanted it but I filed because he would have never moved an inch to get a lawyer and file himself. That also eases my mind too because I know that eventually all of this will be over and I won't have to deal with him anymore. If I would have let it go that would have given him opportunity to know that he could come back when he was good and ready. Not saying that I would want him back. I may have taken a big step in all of this but I hurt deep down inside.