Hi to everyone, My H came to pick up kids this morning to take them out to breakfast, my D tells my she and her brother asked dad about his tattoo with my name on it.(H has a heart tattoo with his name and my name) H tells kids that he is having my name removed and having something else put there. I know this is trival but it really bothers me that tattoo means a lot to me and I thought it meant a lot to him. You see he got that tattoo when we were 17, we weren't married yet but knew we would be soon and we promised to always be together no matter what, So now we apart and him removing my name makes it really final (to me.) I wish he would not tell the kids he is removing my name I feel there is no reason to tell them they are hurting enough. Why does he do this?? why does he continually hurt me?? Hasn't he hurt me enough already?? he always looks angry about something he chose to leave, he like blaming me. Wish I could figure out what he is thinking. I miss him so much but I keep telling myself I can't live the way we were living these past 2 years things have to be different. Thanks for listening. Love Sally

Just bumping up for some replies, where you guys???

I am sorry... I hear you...<P>Truthfully, as far as him having it removed or replaced - I'll believe it when I see it - this is not the issue.<P>The issue is that he tells your kids. I don't think there is anything you can do though - it is out of your hands. Just be honest with them... That makes me sad. <P>I am sorry, it doesn't sound like he is at a place where you can discuss anything with him. You just have to get to a place in your mind where if he removes it - your life is not over. The struggle is that you so desparately want him NOT to do it that it is controlling you. If you can accept he might do it and you will live if he does - then you will be fine. <P>Yes it is a drag to be where you are.<BR>

Hi Notheard, Thanks for your reply, Your right i'll believe it too when I see it. Your right it is out of my hands its so frustrating and i hate that he says these things to the kids, why can't he have normal converstation with them about what's happening in thier lives not his!!Your right my life is not over if he removes it, I will survive. Thanks so much for the encouragement. love Sally

Changing the name on his tattoo will not change the history of that tattoo, and the reasons it was put on him in the first place.<P>I don't know much about tattooing, but if I'm not mistaken, when a name is changed, doesn't it look more blurry? In other words, "foggy"??? hehehe. Somewhat appropriate if you ask me. <P>IMO, if he wanted to forget about you and move on with his life, he'd do something about getting rid of that tattoo altogether (now don't you go putting that idea in his head!).<P>Karen<BR>

Thanks karen, I don't know why I am making such a big deal about his tattoo. I don't know why he is either. I know the reason he got the tatoo will never change but just the thought of him taking my name off, I can't believe he would actually do it, like notheard said I'll believe it when I see it. I am not saying a word about this to him, I''m just going to forget about for now and see what he does. Thanks sally

Well..... maybe he is trying to convince himself that things are over. Or maybe he feels he has outgrown that type of tattoo. (I hope thats the case) Might not be as dramatic an act as you are thinking. Hang in there... and keep the faith.<P>He does need to be careful what he says to the kids tho. sigh..... they can be hurt easily during these times.<P>good luck.......<P>------------------<BR>..climbing the rainbow..

Dear Sally,<P>Well this may be mean but to change a tattoo will be painful for him and he will have to live with that. But the pain he gave to children and you with his words are cruel and will leave more pain. <P>He does not see it yet. He will later. In the meantime gear up for more ugly stuff spilling from his mouth. I asked my H, is OW teaching you to act this way? Sure developed some bad manners. <P>H did not want to admit it right away but did admit that she did not have a good influence on him. See? Took a while to admit but it came. <P>L.

Hmmm.... Sally, it sounds to me like he wanted to see what the kids would say about it. Obviously they don't understand the depth of the meaning of that tattoo to your relationship! He knew they would blurt something out about it. All designed to hurt you but he didn't have the guts to come right out and tell you his thoughts. Very mean...<P>I'm sure he didn't see it that way and even if he didn't intend to hurt you, he did the very opposite and dragged the kids into the whole thing maybe as a buffer? <P>Try not to let it bother you. It doesn't even seem like he was serious or else I think he would have just gone out and had it done without saying a word. Why torture you with his comments to the kids? SHEESH! Maybe he was fishing for a reason to get you upset so you will divorce him and ease his conscience? I don't know, just random guesses here. WHO KNOWS WHY HE DID THAT REALLY? Have you had a chance to ask him why drag the kids into the middle of his personal decisions regarding this thing?<P>{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

<<<<Sally>>>>><P>I think that is incredibly cruel and it would break my heart. I don't think you are over-reacting.<P>I am sorry your H is being so mean. Don't dwell on it, if it happens, and you see it, fine, then you can lament, but until then, just consider it fog-talk.<P>It's one thing to say and another to do.<P>HbH

I understand what that tatoo means to you and why it hurts so much that he is changing it. Two weeks ago I found out that my husband had quit wearing his wedding ring (I had seen him wear it as late as Tuesday the 11th :-( but he took it off when he moved out. I took that, and still take it, quite hard. Heloves his jewelry in general, and if the wedding ring was so bad that he had to take it off, then that makes me sad. I know that he is just mad and trying to make changes right now, but it is still sad. And I know he can put it right back on as well. I hope he does soon. <P>But I wanted you to know I feel your pain...hopefully he was just talking up hurtful talk for the time being.<P>((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))