Today I decided that sat am. Im going to give ws the plan B letter. tonight she comes over for a visit we talk we laugh she even said I was goofy. I told her that I want a divorce from our old marriage .so we can start a new one . She said she was taken by that statement . We also talked about asking God for help and signs that we are doing the right thing I explained to her about in His time will we recieve <BR> Now Im sitting here wondering if sat I do deliver Plan B<BR>. Any thoughts.

Colfax Bear I'm not sure I understand why you feel the need to go to plan B? it seems from your post that she is at least somewhat receptive to what you said tonight. Can you explain?<BR>C

I feel that im being used . Im tired of the lies , she still hides ,or trys to hide the fact that she goes to stay at om house every night , she hasnt made a attempt to have kids stay over at her appt . She talks pleasnt when she is here and all of a sudden she will get head ache , back ache and has to go , we find out she runs to om. She said that om and his soon to be divorced spouse are best of freinds <BR>tey get along better then when they were together. I think thats what she wants from us. I believe that the kids and I are being used . when conflict comes up from kids or myself she runs . I can understand running from me but not the kids . also seeing that i cannnot perform a frontal labotimy. I think that a shock of no contact might get her thinking about stuff, plus with kids being over at her appt. would cut in on her fun time with om . We all have responsibilties here to our family members . Thats why I post here im looking for advise , input, help to make up my mind. And at times i dont think I got a mind left. <BR>Tell me what you think I can handel it.

Hiya,<P>I'm a little bit drained tonight, can you tell me how long you have been separated and how long since D-day to put it into a bit of perspective for me (and so I don't have to search your other threads!)<P>Thanks!<P>Jacky

Dday May 6th been seperated since July 10th have been plan A since May .

Okay, thanks! <P>I have been separated since July 7th, but D/Day#1 was in November 2000...long story won't air it here.<P>I wanted to know because i was wondering how long you had been in Plan A...they recommend about 6 months. And it seems like things are going well with you while you are together.Why rock the boat.<P>oh. I know you feel used, so did I, but i felt that every time i felt that way, I was fulfilling an emotional need of my H, and that was a ggod thing. If he enjoyed being with me, then Plan A was doing well.<P>I suggest you keep to Plan A for a bit longer...Plan B is really for when you've had ENOUGH...and you feel your love slipping away, and you need to preserve it. I know it is your decision, but giving her the letter to 'shake her up' is not the right reason. Plan B is for YOU, as is Plan A, and shouldn't have any hopes attached about the WS's response to it (although, generally agreed Plan A has loads of expectations and hopes attached).<P>I think it may be a big LB right now, when things are going well between you...she may even say "Well I expected him to act like this, it's why i left him. Nice one day and rotten the next." Really, that is one possible outcome.<P>Please don't give it to her yet. i don't believe it is time for you.<P>What do you think?<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Heavey on expectations and hope. I want to do stuff for her. <BR>But after a while you feel used . If you get some time read my other post a few days ago , we have good days and we have bad ones .<BR>Thanks Jacky .

I listened to a conversation that ws and om had and he was telling her that she will feel so much better when she leaves and that i will feel so happy when she leaves , well she fell for that line . I have not been happy , Ive tried to meet her needs as much as Im allowed. I have not let go and my ws says she has asked herself why.I have worked on this and try not LB hard at times . But I believ that upuntil the time she stays at her appartment and really feels some of this pain she will not open her eyes.<BR>She is running from it om makes sure she is taken care of when shes down , she wont come to me for that unless i happen to be near. SnL said it best when he said ws is surviving. Maybe your correct to wait on plan b letter.Maybe in some sort of twisted way I want to cause alittle pain.

Well, there you go, you came to that conclusion without me having to say it for you!<P>It's all about being the best you that you can be, isn't it? And hurting her now, when things between you are good does not present that, although it is a tricky thing...you shopuld leave behind a flawless Plan A before going to Plan B, so they will have the best possible image of you as their last memory. The decision for you is this - HAVE you REALLY had enough? Is your love bank at it's lowest point...do you think you will lose your love if this continues, are you SURE you cannot do a single thing more in Plan A???<P>Well I said question, that was four. <P>How on earth did you manage to listen to a conversation? That must have been SO painful for you!<P>((((((((Colfax Bear)))))))))))

NINA <BR>Listening to a phone conversation was hard and stupid it set my back months I wanted to kill but just thru her out , a lot of other thing were said and when I confronted her about she said she stretched the truth about me . She even lies to om. As far as my love for her I stil have it I want to fix her car for her before winter I always took care of that and she knows it and wants me to do it . I still want to do things for her, that must mean i still love her .

You know, fixing her car is a very nice Plan A thing to do...and she is letting you do it, so that is a good thing. My H would not let me do a thing for him unless it was absolutely necessary. I wanted to do so much more.<P>One night I offered him dinner. First he said yes, then no...it was 'too painful' for him. So before he left the house I offered him the spagetti and the sauce to take home with him, and he accepted. I thought, well, that's one for me, and he was accepting SOMETHING I did. Sounds pathetic, I know, but when they are totally lost, they won't take anything from you. So it gave me hope.<P>Keep your hope CB, cos she will come around one day if you keep on doing this as long as you can, until you have reached your breaking point. I don't think you have, do you?<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

At times yes I do believe I cant take anymore , thats it I say . Then for some strange reason she comes around and flashes alittle hope my way . Ill keep it up , Ill fix the car hell Ill even pay for the parts. thanks Jacky

I didn't want to go to bed without letting you know you have some support, and if you want to reply, I will log on in the morning. You are doing great...I know it doesn't feel like it, but you ARE!!!<P>love and light, Jacky

You are right in what you say ( it doesnt feel like it )<BR>Sometimes I believe beating my head against the wall would be more enjoyable. Rest easey tonight Jaky , thanks

One more thing Jacky.<BR>Lastnight I saw her car hadent been washed in 4 weeks (filthy) 1 of my pet peeves. so I washed it in myusual manner , complete. I know when om see it so clean he will no Ive been around . And I actually thought of this when I was washing I hope he gets ticked off. I may not be here but im not gone . I did enjoy that too. it kind of put a smile on my face.

Just bumping up incase there is more opinion.

I liked that! <P>I felt that anything i could do that OW would notice was a point in my favour, cos she'd get ticked off at him letting me do it.<P>With A1, we had sex during that time. I gave him a hickey!!!<P>He never even commented on it, but when the s*** hit the fan and she was phoning me to abuse me, she called me a slut for having sex with my own H...so she noticed the hickey, huh? <P>I bet she gave him HE** over it, and it may have helped my cause a lot.<P>Funny, about karma...his OW2 did the same thing to me...he had a hickey, but of course he said it wasn't one, yeah right. <P>Anyway I don't have those opportunities now, but if he ever sends me a loving email, I'll sned it straight to her

Hiya CB,<BR>Here's another angle to consider. I'm not saying I think Nina's wrong, just something to think about. As I interpret Plan B, its major purpose is to allow you preserve what's left in your love bank before the WS completely empties it and destroys any desire or chance you might have for reconciliation. If you are to that point, then Plan B might well be the right path. I can't tell for sure if you're at that point yet from what you've written.<P>Wishing you the best,<P>Rusty

Went to a Hs. football game with kids and ws. we went to get coffee and I asked her out to dinner next week , she said thats strange a husband asking his wife out to dinner , instead of saying why dont we go to eat on this day . She said it was auckward , what day ? I said I dont know its up to you whats a good night? She kind of chuckeled and that was the end of the conversation about dinner. small talk from there on . You try to throw things out there to see what works , you find something and you work on it . sometimes I cant find my a$$ with both hands.<BR>