"If there was some love left in me I could easily work things out with you ... but I fell out of love."<P>We all have read about this ... this is the only thing holding my WS back from trying to recover ... how can I convince her without making a Disrespectful Judgement that love can be restored?<BR>Thanks for your thoughts.<P>B2O

Here's how it feels to me.<P>Take a look at a friend of yours. Someone that you've known for awhile. Now let me CONVINCE you that you can be passionately in love with that person just because I say so.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lexxxy:<BR><B>Here's how it feels to me.<P>Take a look at a friend of yours. Someone that you've known for awhile. Now let me CONVINCE you that you can be passionately in love with that person just because I say so.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>So therefore ... love cannot be restored? What about the fact that we were in love before ... what about your history of 14 years ... your kids ... what's the use of believing in meeting each other's needs to restore and maintain love? I guess you do not believe it?<P>

YOU can not make someone love you no matter what the history or track record is. if your marriage is broken it takes two to fix it. Without a willing partner it doesnt work to well.

Hi,<BR>I know what you're going thru if it's anything like I am going thru here.<BR>There are good success stories here on MB and I suppose that this has worked out for some of the members here....making love reoccur by Plan a'ing consistently.<BR>But I have to tell you (as a WS) I was out of love with H before EA/PA and now over 2 yrs later, that love hasn't been restored. In fact we have probably even deteriorated further. Of course my H was really a failure at Plan A'ing... he never did figure out why my needs might be different than his and why he needed to change his approach. His actions since d-day have surely only driven us further apart to the point that I'm really nearing the point of no return and divorce has been on my mind constantly.<P>I think the communication skills & personalities of both H & W after Dday probably determine whether love can be restored. An honest willingness to HEAR what the other person is saying and needs is necessary as well as complete selflessness. Martyrdom. <BR>Also the point of the EA/PA comes into play. If the EA/PA is really for the thrill of it or it is merely a PA for the sex then the love perhaps remained intact.<BR>For me, I would have to say that I had already divorced all caring for my marital relationship before beginning the affair... so it might be classified more as an Exit Affair... one that was really meant to bridge the gap of flying into singlehood.<P>I hope you hear more encouraging stories from others that have done this successfully.<P>

Yikes B20, bringing this to the top for some positive imput.<P>I think everyone of us have heard this line in one form or another. Its standard. So you have to learn to filter and figure out what the real truth is. Because they can just as easily fall back in love too. And I am sure there is some love lurking there as well. You know the I love you but I'm not in love with you kind.<P>Unfortunatly you can not educate. If a person is not ready to hear it you are wasting your breath and LB ing. So all you can do is plan A, try to go back to being the person they fell in love with in the first place. and sometimes seeing you so strong and sure of your relationship can influence them to take a second look.<BR>Lora