Hi Everyone,<P>Haven't posted in a while. Always something "new" with this infidelity stuff.<P>H decided he didn't need MC...he's cured. But says I need it because of my obsessing, LBing & still wanting to know more details etc etc.<P>I went to MC alone. H has also gone to same MC alone. He's great, he pretty much told me that my H really doesn't understand what he did...he compartmentalized his life...<BR>1. Work life 2. Married life 3. Cheating life In his sick head they didn't effect each other.<P>After my session I went to the courthouse & got D papers.<P>Talked to H, he agreed that we should get a D (although he really wasn't ready)(like I'm gonna wait around till he is)<P>Anyway...we had a long heart to heart talk...better than ever.<P>He reveals that "sex" to him is the ultimate "high". When he thinks about doing anything fun or exciting it is always about "sex"...I asked him if he ever had trouble stopping himself from "craving" this high. Well, you can probably guess his response "Yes, all the time." He said he would still be cheating or "getting high" if he had not confessed.<P>Should I believe him? Has anyone else dealt with this? What have you done? It's very scary.<BR>I don't think the MC suspects because H didn't want to admit some of the things he admitted to me.<P>Looking forward to any help, advice, shared stories.<P>Thanks guys,<P>PEACE....Lisa

During the start of our recovery, my H talked to me about his sexual addiction. It seems as though just confessing that to me has been enough for him to discontinue his addiction (mostly internet porn sites). That was 4 months ago now.<P>We still have to see a C, so no real 'treatment' has been discussed. The last thing I want is for it to resurface... and I think my H feels the same way.<P>IMO, in order for any of this to be dealt with, it really needs to be brought up in a counselling session. But it also has to be raised by your H, not the C.<P>So although I don't have much of any advice for you, I can understand your questions.... I have them too (grin). We need to remember the first step towards recovering from any addictive behaviour is to admit that it's a problem to begin with. I think your H has taken that step.<P>Karen<BR>

Thanks Karen:<P><BR>Anyone else out there ??<P>Is it just another lie?<P>My H can't say anything "good" about our 16 year marriage. But says "deep" down he always knew he loved me & wanted to spend the rest of his life w/me.<P>I am totally confused. It makes NO sense.<P>Input please!!!!!<P>Lisa

My H says he was a sex addict, but now says he's cured. No diagnosis, no real cure, other than what he's done on his own. <P>The first big thing he did was throw away all the porn magazines and printouts from the internet. Get all the porn files off his computer. Stop looking at the porn sites completely. Then a big thing was for him to read a book "Every Man's Battle". It's about men being visually stimulated, by everything they see, magazines, underwear ads, the pretty secretary down the hall, and fantasizing about sex. It's pretty radical about saying that even fantasizing is wrong. I read it and it was good, except only 1 or 2 of the men in it actually had affairs, most were just obsessing about sex, looking at other women or at porn, but hadn't acted on it...when I read it I wanted to read about how other men, not just my H, had affairs! Anyway, it's a good book, Christian based.<P>My H also stopped drinking alcohol. He says that every time he had an A (he had 5, some of them long term, over 5 years), he was drinking. <P>He says that before, he thought about sex all the time. Constantly. Looked at every good looking woman. Looked at the porn sites every day. It was always on his mind. Now that he's stopped feeding it with the porn, of course stopped the A's, stopped looking, he's stopped obsessing over it.<P>He also says he "compartmentalized" it. He says he saw it as separate from his home life, esp. because it was while he was out of town on business. He says he thought he wasn't hurting anyone, just getting his sex needs met, had nothing to do with me.<P>Oh, and he's also gotten into church, seriously. That has helped.<P>sis<p>[This message has been edited by still in shock (edited September 30, 2001).]

My husband is also a sex addict. He has had at least 6 affairs. <P>He states that he has finally realized that we are incompatable. He keeps meeting women that approach him with the same sex drive and that our society characterizes those women with bad names. But he realizes now that they approach him because they sense that genetically he has the same drive. RIGHT !!!<BR>At one point he said that walking down the terminals to his flights, women would approach him and grab him. Imagine that!!!! He could never understand "why" !!!!<P>My husband has never been able to express his feelings well. He either explodes with anger...or he feels good after having sex. And that is usually short-lived. Not much inbetween. I think he definitely has an addiction....it's one way he can feel good for a little while. <P>Our sex life was not horrendous as he is telling everyone now. We usually had sex---and it was sex, not making love for the last few years--at least 2-3 times a week. And he was only home 2-3 days a week. <P>He is now with this 28 year old bimbo...who supposedly only thinks about sex also. She doesn't have anything else to do. No kids, no responsibilities, no house. Just my husband and her. I hope they rot in hell!!

HUH? Just walking along and some woman comes up and grabs him?! <BR>Yeah.....we believe you dear h! <BR>Oh my, that certainly sends up red flags and makes me remember so many of the lines of bologna from h. <BR>Topie, I did not know your h had multiple affairs. Sorry, I missed that on previous posts. <BR>Mine too. Will respond more later. Need to get chores done.<BR>cl

Thanks all.<P>My H said it was only "sex".<P>Ok so why ?<P>Did you call the OP from business trips.<BR>" " for no apparent reason other than to say Hi.<BR>Buy her gifts.<BR>Tell her you were getting a divorce<BR>Get her pregnant<BR>Miss your kids games, school events etc<BR>Take her away on a mini vacation<P>How many A's did you really have...4,40,400 ???<P>Does anyone out there think they ever tell he whole truth?<BR>Has anyone used a lie detector device??

cl:<P>Yes, he did have multiple A's. Actually, you and a few others on here (brokendreamsx and others) helped me through it when I first found out.<P>During our separation he was sleeping with 3 different women (we were only apart for 4 months!). OW#1 being the primary threat to me. He was also involved in internet EA's (as I know them now) for at least 2 yrs prior to our separation.<P>Some of the details he shared with me at the very start of our recovery phase shocked me... as far as the internet porn, etc. What got me the most was his absolute NEED to orgasm EVERYDAY. As usual, I saw the clues, and my gut was telling me something was wrong.. but I didn't know what to do about it.<P>None of those habits are returning. The odd time when he's stayed up late, I discuss it with him right away. And he no longer saves various pics on the pc, nor visits their sites. He understands and shares in my concern so as to NOT fall back into old habits. <P>I believe that by opening up to me (and apparently I'm the first one he ever did that with... at least that's what he told me and I believe him), has honestly helped him to move away from his addictive behaviour.<P>Karen<BR>