Plan A continues with all my heart and all my dwindling energy but with no apparent breakthroughs. I have invited my WS to visit this site and she has done some browsing but no posts yet. I have no doubt that all my friends here will welcome her if she does decide to post. We had another wonderful evening last night, a great dinner and several hours at a coffee house just looking into each other's eyes and talking. And not just talk about fluff. Very meaningful conversations about our lives and about us and no LB's anywhere to be found. It's during talks like we had last night that I feel we're closer in some ways than ever before. It's a wonderful feeling to be sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with her. I just wish I had known enough to share this way a long time ago. W has told me that her #1 and #2 EN's are conversation and honesty/openness and I have been trying my best to meet those needs. I think I'm doing better on both counts. However, I'm not sure that it's helping. My growing fear is that she is getting close to a decision to leave. She is still struggling with committment issues and with the possible consequences of a decision to leave (i.e. what if it turns out that she's wrong and I was right about us...). As I mentioned before she has decided that her current C is not a good fit and is searching for another. I think changing C's is a good thing. I want her to be as comfortable as possible with her decision regardless of what it might be. If anyone can offer and words of wisdom I'd appreciate it. For now I'll continue to Plan A with everything I have and pray for the best.

I must be incredibly slow...I was going to abbreviate your handle using initials...well thought I'd better not! <P>Your evening sounds just wonderful, and full of hope...I am juist corious as to why you feel she is moving towards divorce...is it an instinct thing, or did she say something? Is perhaps you are seeing the glass as half empty, rather than half full?<P>Nina

Nina too<P>We have had a number of these kinds of evenings recently. Each one of them even more wonderful, to me anyways, than the one before. I know I should take these evenings as a sign of hope and progress and believe me for me they are. However, I'm not sure that she sees it that way. I'd like to be full of hope but right now I'm not. I'd like to think that I'm looking at the glass as half empty but I'm not. Even though we seem to be communicating at a level that we never came close to achieving before I can't help but see nothing but fog in her eyes. It's the resistance to going no-contact. It's the ongoing struggle to re-commit. Maybe I should just take a deep breath and relax. Maybe these are all just symptoms of the fog and maybe I'm just in a down cycle. Maybe I need to just give it more time. Even though I took this week off from work and took care of myself I'm still very low on emotional energy. Up until now there has always been the occasional sign or indication of a chance for us that boosts my energy level for a while but there have been none lately. I looking desperately for something to hang onto at this point.

Nina too,<P>I didn't even realize the abbreviation thing for several weeks until someone pointed it out. I guess I should think about a different name.

S***,<P>Don't change your name, I think it's funny!!! So Freudian-ly appropriate for us here, huh?<P>I don't know what to say to you. She is looking into your eyes and having meaningful conversations with you, she TELLS you what her EN's are, she spends TIME willingly with you and yet you feel bad? I would give my right arm for my H to do those things!!! I think you are feeling insecure, because you have been so hurt by her in the past.<P>However I could be wrong...look the fog does mean you receive mixed messages, but you say each time has been better than the last. This doesn't sound like mixed messages to me, or the fog...I'd say she's coming out of it. I wonder if she is thinking of coming home. From what I have read here, the WS who wants to go for divorce tends to become uncommunicative and at times nasty, and will not look you in the eye as she has done.<P>How long have you been in Plan A? I don't know your story.<P>Keep the strength, and don't be discouraged!<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Nina too,<P>First of all, thanks for the words of encouragement. One thing that I've realized on this site is that as horrible as my "adventure" has been that I'm a lot better off than many people here. FYI, I have been Plan A'ing for three months. Believe it or not, I do realize how fortunate I am to have been able to get this far. My W's struggle is between the desire for a particular lifestyle, which right now is her #1 priority, and the need for re-committment to us. She wants desperately to have the lifestyle of her dreams but seems to be struggling with it being the most important thing in her life (i.e. #1 but at what cost?). On the other hand, she is unable to come back to us because she is still struggling with some deeply-rooted committment issues. I know that she will never give up on her lifestyle needs and I don't want her to. I have tried, during Plan A, to convince her that she can have both, a loving relationship with me as well as the lifestyle that we both will be happy with but that I need her to be prepared to commit to our relationship. I'm afraid that either she will not be able to get over her committment issues or that she won't be convinced that a relationship with me can co-exist with her lifestyle needs. As far as her behavior, she has been anything but uncommunicative and nasty. She has been understanding, thoughtful, and affectionate. I am extremely grateful what for I have but I'm still frightened and confused. I suppose that goes with the territory at this point.