I recently found this site and am finding it invaluable. I am involved in a same-sex relationship and am not sure if appropriate for this site, but would appreciate any feedback on my situation.<P>I have been in a committed live-in relationship for the past 7 years, most of which have been happy except for the regular ups and downs. Early this year we had started to argue, mostly due to family problems and ever increasing work commitments. Around this time my spouse developed a friendship with X, a man in his early 20s of similar cultural background (both are from Germany). I was happy with this as X seemed like a nice person and it seemed harmless. I could appreciate that they shared a common culture and language so had much in common. I also understood X was in a committed relationship of his own.<P>Over a period of about 4 months my spouse gradually spent more and more time with X, meeting daily after work at the gym, then following the gym with dinner and/or a drink, getting home around 10pm. Weekends soon followed with them calling each other in the morning, meeting up around noon, spending the day together then going to a bar or club until (e.g.) 3am. At this point I was becoming distressed and puzzled by this out of character behaviour. Even though I was occasionally "invited", I felt quite unwelcome, often ignored, so I mostly stayed home. I learnt that X's relationship was an "open relationship" and that X was unhappy with his spouse. <P>At this point I confronted my spouse, asking why he spent so much time with X and asking if they were more than friends. I received quite a hostile reaction of "how dare you not trust me" and "X is just a good friend, the best friend I have ever had". I felt quite guilty with my accusations and my suspicion.<P>I decided to snoop into my spouse’s email and I discovered many emails of a sexual nature from many people. I traced them back to an ad he had placed on an Internet site for “discrete meetings”. I was devastated and in disbelief, but since there was a photo in the ad, I had solid proof. I confronted him and after an explosive argument, told him to leave. During the argument I found out that X had known about the whole thing, the whole time, and was also doing simliar things although my spouse insists the whole time he and X were “just friends”, that physical contact had only been between he and others (not X) and that X had never encouraged him with this behaviour.<P>That was 3 months ago. After a few weeks he moved back and we decided to see a counsellor; we discovered we both have much to work on. Contact with his friend X had stopped after I had told X myself that I never wanted to see him again or see him at our house and that he is a bad influence. Just last week though he called my spouse wanting to be “friends” again. One dinner after work, one shopping trip is all that has occurred so far. I made it clear to my spouse that clubs/bars are not ok.<P>I am lost with what to do with this situation. Since the sexual contact was not with X himself, does this constitute an EA between the two? Am I just being daft about there not being a PA between the two? The anxiety I feel when they are together is overwhelming. At this point I still feel a lot of confusion about the situation.<P>
