I have a question.<P>My story is that my W and I have been married for 9 years with 2 kids. Six months ago she started a EA with co-worker. The day after it started I knew she was different. I found out 1 1/2 months in. After I found out about EA, W has told me she does not love me anymore, can't stand for me to touch her, ect, ect. Said she has felt this way for a long time, but the sad thing is that we were thinking of having another child back in Feb. and looked at buying another house in March. One week before , Wand I stayed at hotel and had great time. If things were so bad, why would she consider doing these things (I guess that's a different story). Anyways W has lied to me and continues to do so, but not to that extent when it first started. W said she does not know what she wants for us, if any anything. <P>I have done everything to try and make this work between us. We went to therapy, she stopped 2 months ago. Tried plan A. Did not work. Tried talking to her to give us time together without outside interference (OM). She never gave me answer on this. I told her she can quit her job. W works part time and she always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but she said that work is one of the things that makes her happy. I tried to tell her that with her working there, our relationship will not be fixed. She said she knows that. Her attending to the kids have been non-exsistant. I have been walking on eggshells for 4 1/2 months. <P>My concern is that over these rocky, troubling, heartaching, crazy months, my W never point blank told me that we are NOT going to work out, until last Thursday. We were going at it last Thursday night and she said that she "hates talking to me" and that "we are NEVER going to get back together". I know that the writing was on the wall for the 4 1/2 months, but there was always a chance. Thursday night was a big blow to me. I was speehless. I have felt depressed for the last few day and don't know what to think. <P>What is going through her head and does she really mean it?<P>HELP<P>Dino<BR>

Dino,<P>You said you tried Plan A, no love busters, but you said last Thursday you guys had a blow up. That's when she said what she did. <P>That's why she said it, you can't LB her right now. Try to let her go in every sense of the word and then see what happens.<P>My wife said the same things. Two months ago she said we were done, she getting a divorce and that's it. Right while I was in the middle of LB'ing all over the place. We separated and I went to Plan A and with a couple of weeks practice got it down pat. It's been two months now and she hasn't filed for divorce, never brought it up again, is still in counseling, and is confused and unhappy as ever.<P>My wife, and yours, may in fact not return, but don't you at least want to say years from now that you did everything you could? That's what Plan A is, fix yourself, do whatever you can to save the marriage, and have no regrets.

manfaith,<P>I tried 2-3 months of plan A with no results. I know we need to keep it up, but there is so much someone can do. We don't have blowups all the time. That was the first in a while. My W is basically shutting me out. <P>Dino

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dino09:<BR><B>manfaith,<P>I tried 2-3 months of plan A with no results. I know we need to keep it up, but there is so much someone can do. We don't have blowups all the time. That was the first in a while. My W is basically shutting me out. <P>Dino</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>As a WS that was ineffectively Plan A'd, just a note to say that even though you were Plan A'ing... perhaps you weren't getting to the correct items/needs that your wife possesses.<BR>As you know Plan A is all about HER needs, and if you are picking the wrong ones.. perhaps yours??? (as my H did) then all the effort in this world won't really help.<P>My H spent weeks/ months Plan A'ing me with regards to really only HIS needs. When he didn't understand why this didn't have positive outcomes, I tried to explain to him what MY needs were and how they were different than his. He really never did get past that... he said that I was being manipulative and controlling. The reality was he wasn't willing or able to change anything about himself or behaviour. When I told him MY needs, his reply, so what's in it for me? like it was some business negotiation of sorts. Of course now feels that he did EVERYTHING that he could. And the truth is, he will never get it and will forever blame me for lack of effort. It irks me that he will always say and think that he tried everything when I told EXACTLY what my needs were and he didn't (again) bother to hear what I was saying. *sigh* <BR>Anyway... just something to think about. Not saying this is your case at all. But something for you to ask yourself.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dino09:<BR><B>I have a question.<P>What is going through her head and does she really mean it?<P>HELP<P>Dino<BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dino,<BR>How is you plan A ?, do you get help on putting it together ?. Flawed or ineffective plan A is useless and creates more resentment. Trying to talk her or lectures her to quit job ... etc is not in plan A. If you did not get MB to put your plan A and monitored your progress, do so. Get help to set time limit also for when to go to plan B. Hang in there ... until you are through w/ plan B and no impact then there is no feeling any more from WS and you did your best, time to move on ...<BR><P>------------------<BR>Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.