It would seem that of all the hopes and dreams I had of having a happy marriage, they have all been blown to shreds, one by one. H not willing to make changes. H's needs are nowhere near mine, he isn't willing to meet mine. He ignored my list of most important EN's, calling them manipulative and controlling.<BR> He is disrespectful, shows no compassion, and lately has become withdrawn and downright rude mostly. He doesn't help with any chores around the house and I'm getting more down everyday with any hopes.<BR>So.. that leaves me with staying married ... for the kids.<BR>Is this enough reason? Surely when they are grown I will only feel empty and unfilled for all of these (many) years. <BR>I feel so stuck. It's like the Rapunzel Syndrome.. locked up in the castle.. <BR>Someone tell me that this is worth it please?<P>BTW, for those counting, I am the WS, though I am 99% sure that since d-day that H hasn't exactly been honest about other relationships himself. Though he professes to be 100% faithful. (Evidence would suggest otherwise.. pics of other women, online at all hours with pc cam, phone cards in his possession, carrying condoms, etc... this doesn't sound like a 100% faithful man to me, but I have no physical evidence and he has a comeback for everything HA)<P>I gave up my OM, who btw was single and ready for commitment with me, for this and I'm beginning to get really resentful that I made this choice.<P>Show me the light someone.............<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Waiting2Exhale (edited October 02, 2001).]

W2E - Are we really married to the same man? Lordy, you are not alone... I for one am gonna hang on for a bit... try a little longer. I'm pretty tired now or I'd give the old It Ain't Over Til We Say It's Over speech... (luv ya Medic). We're here. I promise, I will be more constructive tomorrow hon.

Well what is his reason for staying? If he doesn't want to meet your needs does he admit it or just act like it? <P>What you described doesn't sound like most of the BS's around here, sounds like a ws/bs syndrome without admitting it. This may be adding to your frustration. <P>As a mom, do you feel it is reason enough? I told my H just this morning that our son & I are a package deal. I could not imagine leaving him. H brought up my suicide attempt, I admitted yes, it had crossed my mind to leave my family but that would be the only way out. Having an A is not my way of leaving my family. Funny, he jumps on what I did (what I did was wrong but it was an act of desparation), yet his A is different. Justified? No but for some crazy reason he kind of thinks like it was ok. Still some fog around here.......<P>As far as the kids go, some will say no others will say yes. You each have to decide whether you can live with the guilt you will bring on your kids. Actually we all have that hanging over our heads. Look at what D brought to my H's family. More dysfunction. Wow, the fog logic says, let's do it to the next generation....... hm ..... more stupid logic....is there such a thing?<P>L. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Well what is his reason for staying? If he doesn't want to meet your needs does he admit it or just act like it? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>His commitment to the children is #1. I do think he loves me, but I think that he purposely denies meeting my needs as a means of punishment of some sort. It's very controlling, HE is very controlling overall, both with me and his work. (though he says I am controlling and manipulative because I ask for my needs to be met .. it's a vicious circle.)<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>What you described doesn't sound like most of the BS's around here, sounds like a ws/bs syndrome without admitting it. This may be adding to your frustration. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Not familiar with the term ws/bs syndrome.. what is that?<P>

Hi,<P>Guess I made that one up!??!?! Ws yet a BS? You say he does not admit to an EA or PA yet you are seeing signs. Usually that is a pretty good indicator that something is <BR>going on. <P>So is he the bs or ws or both? The combination is bad since it will add to your already frustration range of emotions over your situation. Until all this comes out there is a hiding of info. He can't meet your needs as long as he is holding out. <P>Now here is your support. Kids are your H's #1 commitment. Good. Then let the children have their say to their dad. Mine is only 6 but he knew enough to know that dad did the wrong thing by moving out. S felt abandoned and let his father know that. It did not bring H home immediately but then son wrote his father a simple 4 sentence letter. Hit the heart and cut it up. 2 questions and 2 statements. Hm..... that little guy did not mince words. H still has the letter and when the OW told him that his son would 'get over' him and that the WS had the OW what else did he need? H's eyes started to wake up and smell the barf OW was throwing up..... YUCK. It stank.<P>So be resourceful. I let H know that son & I were a package deal. <P>JMHO,<BR>L. <P>