You wrote, " Especially if the WS and OW use it as bait to try to make the BS stumble." You were talking about LB's. What did you mean?<P>You also said my H is very confused, and "One day, when your H wakes up, he will need that type of support." He says he is not confused. He says he knows what he wants. He wants to be out of our marriage and to be with his OW. I can't understand how he can want to be with her. LBing comes from selfishness, right? Well she deliberatly ruined a marriage and stole my H. She took advantage of a marriage in trouble to get what she wanted. What could be more selfish than that? She is an evil, selfish B***h. Why can't he see that? How can he care about her? If she is fundamentally the type of selfish person who would have an affair, not caring who else she hurt, than she can't possibly meet his needs, right? She must be LBing all over the place. <P>He can't possibly be happy with somone that selfish, can he? <P><BR>

bump. Made it to the 2nd page and wasn't sure if Orchid saw it or not...<P>HbH<P>Oh, BTW, the answer to your question is "the fog". When the WS is so engrossed in their fantasy, they will re-write history like you wouldn't believe, make up this own fantasy world where nothing is wrong and the OP is the most wonderful thing in the world.<P>When the fog lifts, they will realize, but it could be a very long time. Each case is different. My H was in the fog for 8 months and he is just now getting out (see my post "OW is not so wonderful!!).<BR>

Hi, <P>Sorry for the late response, been tied to this computer at work all day long (quarter end stuff and having to deal with incompetent people....arrrgh)..... Well, not all incompetent but it sure doesn't take too many to ruin a day.<P>Anyway, in response to you question or concern. First of all I think you need a <<<big hug>>>. Now I am going to ask you to breathe a bit and calm down. You are running at adrenaline speed (sound a lot like HBH & I did a while back). I will attempt to explain my statements. <P><BR>Your post: "You wrote, " Especially if the WS and OW use it as bait to try to make the BS stumble." You were talking about LB's. What did you mean?"<P>Well, I meant that there may be times that you will be setup. My H and OW talked about how to make me angry enough for me to give H a reason to leave. Let's see, OW coached H a lot. See my comments below about her need to keep talking to him. Even after they broke up (5 or 6 times), she insisted on 'being friends'. hm.... she knew that if she could keep whispering in his ear that she could regain control. So don't fall for that ploy. It was painful and in all my hurt hard to see. But when I did..... boom, threw ow and H for a loop. <P>Your Post continues: "You also said my H is very confused, and "One day, when your H wakes up, he will need that type of support." He says he is not confused. He says he knows what he wants. He wants to be out of our marriage and to be with his OW."<P>Yes, my H said similar. He made fun of the fog, said his head was clear, said he loved her more than me, she moved him...... That really hurt..... I concentrated on hating OW. Justly so. I had valid reasons. But that did not teach H anything. He was more in the fog than ever. <P>Listen to your H. Mine would make those comments and at the same time say 'I don't know' to a lot of other things. You see, the OW was fueling his mind with all kinds of junk. In fact at one point he turned into an OW puppet. His words (sentence structure even) and the way he spoke was just like the OW. Mind you I only had the privelege of hearing her curddling voice a few times but it was enough. When H would get made he would talk just like her. Very different from his personality. <P>Can't really put my finger on it but he appeared possessed. No drugs were involved (at least not to my knowledge) but OW sure did talk a lot. In fact the OW said that one night she talked to her own H all night long to get her point across (hence her middle name: Babble). Every time OW thought H was losing it and trying to go back to his family, she would say, you need to call me I need to talk to you, you need to see me, I need to tell you how you really feel. Scary isn't it? <P>All the while, H kept saying he was in control of his mind. Guess what? Finally H said one day he felt out of control. He admitted he had been feeling this way for a while. <P>Whoopdi do. I knew that. He acted like a crazy man. Fog headed...... <P>So I say, let him say what he wants. You know whether he is acting out of stupidity or being controlled or on drugs or in euphoria whatever, eventually he will have to come down to earth and face reality or move to the moon. If he moves to the moon, well you know what the living conditions are like. <P>Is the OW selfish? yes. Can you do anything about changing her? no. What can you do? Be the best W and mother you can be. Don't allow H to step on you. Nor allow OW to abuse you via your H. But respect yourself. Make yourself look good. Don't be afraid to cry and show your hurt feelings to your H. If you have children and the children have an opinion about their dad, let them tell him. <P>Oh, and if the OW LB's..... let her. LOL .<P>Anymore questions? I have to go home now. Will check back later this evening. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited October 03, 2001).]

Excuse me, but i'm new to this site and<BR>i just wanna ask....what all the BS and<BR>WS...etc are about. What do the capitals<BR>stand for??<BR>Sorry