Sorry I have posted so much here. I really do have so many things I want to ask about and talk about to others. I have been trying to decide if I want to see if I should move out for awhile. It would take me awhile to beable to do it sense I don't work right now because of medical problems I had in the past and I am not sure I could stand on my feet for 8 hours any more. But everyday I think I should try to find a job and move to a small apartment just to get my space and decide what to do. The only problem is I have 4 children and there is no way I could afford to move out and take them with me and I am not sure how they would feel if I left them with their father after he had this affair. My oldest one really is upset with his father he is 12 and was affected really hard by this mess. The OW was trying to be friends with my children and I and I kept telling my kids that I didn't like her and she was after more then just friends ship even before I actually knew about the affair I sensed something. Well my oldest one and I had a huge fight over here a few days before I found out and he said somethings to me that really hurt me. Well then the OW husband came to the house to tell me that the affair was going on and my son heard him he was really sorry after he found out I was right. I really have no clue what to do. My husband tells me that the affair is over and he loves me very much. Things have changed some with him sense this all started but then there are days I just want to run. I have no friends I could ask to stay with around here my sister in law told me to come live with her till I decide but that is way to far she lives 1500 miles from us and I would not do that to my husband or to the kids. I don't know why I think about his feelings he didn't think about ours but I can't do that. My only thought is wait it out a little longger get some money saved up and then see what happens. I keep thinking well maybe in March I can do it after the holidays but that is 6 months away. Does any one have any ideas?

Don't apologize for posting too much, that is what this place is for...Post as much as you want or need to. Participate in other threads also. The one thing that keeps people coming back to give you advice is when you acknowledge them when they post to you, lets them know that they have been heard, and that they aren't just typing into the wind... <P>Have you sat down and thought about what you want. Do you want your marriage? What is your plan? What do you want in life? Is it marriage? Before you knew about the A did you feel like you loved your H and did you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Think about these things. Either way look at what you have invested in your marriage, and maybe you should give it a chance and see if you can save your marriage.<P>What kept me going is I kept thinking about our vows...I know She broke them 4 times over, but I still made the promise to keep them, I don't remember a clause in there that said that we could break the vows if our spouce already did. The line "through good times and bad" is the line that keeps me here, I promised to live my life with my W and this would be considered probably the worst bad time I could have immagined. Just my thoughts. <P>If you look into Plan A and Plan B, you will see they recomend in plan A to give it a time line or until you feel like it is destroying you. Usually the time giving for plan A is 6 months before you start a plan B. So promise your self you will commit 6 months and work on your marriage before you make any decisions on the rest of your life. You don't decide to get married in a week, so don't decide to end your marriage without giving it some time....Just a thought. It is much harder working on your marriage when you are seperated.<P>Good luck.

SEM thanks for writting back so quick. If someone would of told me I was going to be going through this mess 6 months ago I would have laughed in their face. I always thought I had a good marriage. I broke my ankle in July of last year and wasn't able to walk for 6 months then in Sept of last year I found out I had cancer. Had to have surgery to remove the cancer and things were not so great at home. Well in April my husband started his affair with the OW. I found out in the beginning of April about it hit me hard of course. I think it was in the back of my mind that it might be happening but my husband would either be at work or at home or the gym with me. I didn't see when he would have the time to do this with her. Well it was quickies here and there that he was getting I order a pizza one day and he went to the store to get soda and got back before the pizza came and stopped by her house and had a quickie. I would have never even thought he had time to do this. Actually makes me sick to think about it. But I do think I can work this out. At this time my husband is going to MC with me he tells me he loves me but he doesn't want to ever talk about what happened outside of MC and don't think he will read a book or look at this site that is for me to do. I am doing all the work. I am really afraid of the idea of leaving I have always wanted our marriage to work and before this I use to brag to everyone about how good our marriage was. We have betwen us 5 siblings and they are all divorced. My mother in law thinks I am the greatest thing sense sliced bread. If she ever knew what her son put me through there would be problems with him. I have kept this from most of the family I would rather they don't know about it and it is easy to keep them thinking that sense family lives so far away. <BR>I feel as if I am on a fence post and I don't know which way to jump off my husband has been really good lately but I can't seem to get the trust issue out of my head. My heart says love him my mind says watch him. I do love my husband and I do think he loves me and he realizes he made a BIG mistake. I just wish he would try half as hard to keep the marriage as I have.

Have you talked to you H about how you feel? I hear a lot of BSs feel like this. We all feel we are the ones working on the M while the WS doesn't do half the work. I sometimes feel that way. <P>I think for a while it isn't a bad idea to only talk about it at counseling, he probably feels more comfortable to have a mediater there so as to not go to far with the conversation. Talk to him and tell him that that wont last forever. Tell him you two will have to come to a point that you can trust each other enough to talk about these things on your own. I think communication is very important and it sounds like you two are lacking in this. Talk to your counselor about it. <P>I was feeling like you only about a week ago. I didn't know if I wanted to stay or go. I felt like she just wanted me to get over it already. I still feel like she wants me to shut up and get over it. I think that is how the WS are in general, they don't want to hear about what they did wrong. When, all the BS wants is reasurance and to figure out the facts. They already know what happened and I almost think they think we do to or maybe they don't want us to know. <P>Just hang in there, it will get better. Keep working on things. Remember to look at what you have, not at what you don't. Work on one issue at a time, don't try to get him to come around all at once. If you really want him to visit this sight with you, print up some of these threads that help you or apply to one of your issues and let him read them. Have you ordered any of the books from here? That could also help him realize how valuable this sight is. <P>I know how you are having a hard time trusting. My W did it with her manager at her work in the womens restroom. How can I trust her at work? I probably will always have issues with that, but there is nothing you can do to contol what he does, you can only control you. You need to decide what you want to do. I know it is hard to trust a person who has given you no reason to trust. I have given in on that, I feel like she knows how I feel and if she does this again she knows I will not stay again. I have to have faith that it wont happen again while we work on our marriage, and then when things are better I will hopefully know it wont happen again. <P>Good luck