Hi GM;<P>I may be the last person to comment on infidelity. I have cheated on my husband too. In fact, I did it twice. I am definitely not proud of it. I hated myself for it. All I<BR>could do was drop to my knees and beg God's forgiveness. When I took it to my husband, I can't tell you the pain I saw. He was so hurt, it was like a physical hurt.<BR>Like the pain in him effected his physical body. That tore me apart. It has been six months now, and I swore never to do that to him again. I never thought that I could hurt another person so deeply.<BR>I'm not sure why your wife cheated, but for me, it was a weak way to make up for things I didn't have in him. I tried convincing muself that I was right for doing it, but I know that there was nothing right in what I did.<BR>My husband is not a believer, he has no interest in saving himself. I reasoned that he is not very romantic at all, and he hardly ever communicates with me. Those were my reasons for cheating on him. But he loves me GM! He loves me! He is attentive, though not what I thought was romantic. He is a wonderful father to my son, though he isn't his biological father, and he does anything he can for me. (Sounds familiar<BR>GM?) <BR>The problem isn't my husband. It's me. I didn't appreciate him enough. I forgot about the days he stayed home to care for me when I had the flu. I forgot about the times he picked my son up from school just so that I could come right<BR>home. I didn't think about the times he made dinner because he thought I did too much around the house alone. I forgot about the days he came to my job (45 miles away from home) just to have lunch with me for an hour. And even though I kept saying "you're not romantic at all", he was very romantic in his own way. I found fault with him giving me a roadside emergency kit for my birthday...he just didn't<BR>want the woman he loves stranded out there alone. I complained when he gave me an umbrella for our anniversary...but he thought about how mine had ripped in a<BR>storm and I didn't replace it. He gave me a bowling ball for Christmas. I hit the roof, because I know he's the bowler between us. But he wanted me to be a part of something he likes. I nagged over the breakfast he burned, forgetting that he cooked the breakfast just so that I could have breakfast in bed. And how did I thank him? I cheated on him. I was the problem, not him.<BR>I needed to realize that I should thank God for my husband. I needed to realize that those things was his way of romance. Its not all about flowers and candy and candlelight dinners and expensive gifts. We went to the "I Still Do" conference to reaffirm our marriage and get it right (I<BR>suggest this confernce, it is bible based and annointed), and we are going to a married couples weekend seminar in November (offered by the same group that offers I Still Do, which is Family Life).<BR>I love my husband for the sake of Jesus Christ. I prayed to God that he works on me and change me, so that I may love my husband like a wife should. I want to be the "Proverbs 31" wife to him. Through my actions, I hope to bring him to Christ. I'll never get him there if I do all the things I know that I shouldn't do.<BR>I don't know your wife GM, but if she has never tried to put fault on you as to why she does it, then maybe she is going through what I did. Not really knowing how to appreciate what's right in front of her, and not being able to accept that she doesn't know how to appreciate you. God dealt with me on this issue in my marriage. But I never would have known any of this if I hadn't watched my husband go through what he did when I told him about it. I watched my husband with my heart, not my eyes. It was at that moment that God started replacing the love in my heart that I lost for my husband. <BR>I will pray for you GM. I'm not just saying that because I am Christian, and it's the right thing to say, I MEAN IT. I will pray for you! I pray that the Lord heals all of us<BR>on these posts, and around the country. We need Him and His love and mercy now. I will be keeping up with you.<P>Your Sister in Christ,<BR> Noni

Noni, you have a heart of gold. And I'm not just saying that because you said you'd pray for me (which I earnestly covet) but because now, after all this time, and all you've done, you can sit here, and remember things like you mentioned. Those things touched my heart in such a way that I almost started choking up, right here in my cubicle at work.<P>You love your husband. You are ashamed that you haven't shown it to him. You feel like you haven't been the wife you should be, like in Proverbs 31. But yet he loves you. why?<P>I was JUST discussing this very topic with a friend today. My wife never was very romantic towards me. I can't think of thoughtful little gifts she got me. She hardly ever cooked for me, and did little else other than sit at home all day, and chatted with her friends. But I still loved her. I can't explain why. This seem to almost be a flaw in the Harley's EN's and LB theory. She never really filled my EN's. But I love her like no other husband seems to love his wife. I would die for her, without hesitation. <P>I am worried that she is realizing this, and that she doesn't need to do anything to merit my love, and therefore doesn't want it. I don't know. I really am so confused lately. Everything I thought I knew about her has completely been erased, and now she won't open her heart to me, and I just don't know what to think.<P>Noni, I hope you learn to accept your husband's love. He offers it unconditionally, and has offered romance, as you said, in his own kind of way. Thoughtfulness you interpreted as thoughtlessness. But be glad that you see the truth now! Maybe you will learn to interpret his actions differently in the future.<P>My wife also saw me shaking in pain, physically, when she told me about her EA and PA. She swore also that she would never do it again. She did. I don't know how I forgave her the second time, but I did. She doesn't blame me. She doesn't say anything. She seems to want to just pretend nothing is wrong and carry on what seems to her to be a happy marriage. But refuses to talk about what happened. <P>At least you are talking about it with your husband. You are learning how to heal your relationship. You are showing that you care. To me, that is what a Proverbs 31 wife really is. Not a woman who cooks and cleans and knits all day, to help support the family. But a woman who, after this fiery trial, has learned to appreciate her husband, in the small ways he shows it.<P>This is all I wish for, in this world, from my wife.