Most of you already know my story for those of you who don't here's the short version.<BR>H and I have been together for 16yrs. 12yrs. married. 3 kids. Marriage has had it's share of ups and downs like every marriage, In Feb. H wasn't coming home after work as he normally did. Started coming home later we were arguing about his where abouts. We had a big blow out I ask him to leave he did. I found out that he had befriended a married co-worker. To this day he still says that they are nothing more than friends. When he first moved out he got a cell phone she was the first person he called. He called her every morning before she left for work. I have no proof that it has ever been a PA only EA. <BR>6mos. later here we are I am in the house with the kids he is living in a 1 room efficiency apartment in a boarding house. Not exactly my idea of home. He calls every night and usually comes by every other night to see the kids. He still helps to pay the bills gives me about 85% of his pay check and I work to. There's been alot of LBing on my part. I am really trying to control this. My father has been ill, recent surgery and H is always willing to help if needed.He helps out with chores around the house the things I cannot do. Last night he was here an over heard a phone conversation I was having with a relative about a surprise dinner we are having for my father at another relative's house. His first comment was am I invited? I said you are welcome to come if you like. My question is this....he's the one that has left his family but it seems as though he still likes to play the fatherly, H part when it suits him. I am really trying to move on but no contact is impossible because of the kids and finances. I want my M to work but H has put no effort forth in trying to salvage what is left. We have been intimate but I have since decided that I can no longer do that. We have been separated so long that I am now questioning do I really want this. I have been betrayed and hurt like never before. H says he loves me and cares about me but is not in love with me. Separated couples as I see it do one of 2 things they sepatate and stay away from each other or they separate to figure out what they can do to save their marriage. I feel as though I do not fall into either of these categories. When I try to move on he calls more comes around and is nicer to me than normal. I then get my hopes up only to get my heart broken again and am an emotional mess. Has anyone ever experienced a separation similiar to this? <BR>C

Cybil--You know that I have experienced the exact same thing, and still am. i think that you have to come to a place where everything you are doing is for you and the kids---let the H do his own thing. As far as "playing" father and H when it is convenient for him, I say we have to stop it or else it will become a habit, and they will NEVER choose. Like having your cake and eating it, too. I know when your H comes home and acts all sorry and nice, then we tend to "rush" right back in to the old story line---back to where we were.<P>I don't know how to keep myself from going back, but I am trying harder and harder everyday! You will know when enough is enough, and i just hope that when your H comes running back, you will want to take him back!<P>Hugs to you-----have fun Friday!!<P>Krystal

Thanks Krystal for your advice. I know what I have to do it's just hard sticking to it. Right now I feel as though I want to talk to him but am holding off picking up the phone and dialing. He came by last night and saw the girls for a big half hour. How can that not bother him not seeing his children every day? I would go crazy if I couldn't see them. This angers me so much!! What are we going to do just continue trying to move on. yes I'm going to try and have a good time on Friday with my friends I need t go out and have fun!<BR>

Hi Cybil- married 15 yrs here 3 kids. My H moved out last Feb. for about 2 mo. like your H mine came by quite often to see the kids and also barely spent anything giving me most of his paycheck. Emotinally it was like torture to have him kiss the kids goodbye each time and ignore me. Yet I felt that if he truly wanted OUT he would take steps to get there. He wanted me to file for D on him because he didnt want that on his conscience but I refused and eventually OW pressured him to file on me which he did in April. That seemed to'wake him up' and make him get off the fence and now we are reconciling. I dont know if I could have withstood 6 mo of separation though. You must be one strong woman emotionally!!! Do you see a counselor by yourself? I did that and went to Bible Studies to keep my sanity. Also hung out at Starbucks drinking lattes and just thinking. I personally think your H hasnt truly made up his mind he wants a D or else he would do it. Mine also told me he didnt love me, was leaving me for OW, our marriage was hopeless, counseling wouldnt help etc and none of that has proven to be the case. lifeismessy