Ok this didn't really happen to me, just kind of couriouse.<P>I did walk in my house to find my W drinking a beer with some guy at 1:30 in the morning when I wasn't supposed to get off until 0600. <P>It is something you see in the movies and you hear stories. I was devistated when I walked in, and they were fully clothed. I wanted to kill the SOB, but I just didn't say anything and I walked out. I think I honestly was afraid I would shoot him (I carry a gun for work and it was right there on my belt). The scarry thing is I think I would have shot him if they were having sex when I walked in. She still denies having sex with him...just a friend. I kind of believe her since she has admitted to 4 As total, so, I have to rationalize: why would she still be lying about this. <P>Any thoughts...more for amusement than anything.

Geez, just the subject made my skin crawl! Can't imagine. I found my WS at the OW place, fully clothed thank God or I may very well be in jail now. I've noticed so many stories in the papers about apparant BS who freaked, and are now serving life terms. Didn't there used to be some kind of insanity defense for that? Or did that only apply to men who discovered their wife with another man? I imagine it's no longer on the books, but I really think it used to... It really can drive you to the brink though...the infidelity. It scares me... 2 months after d-day the OW was walking in a parking lot in the pooring rain right in front of me...it was very difficult to see, but I did see her. Luckily, the sane part of my mind kicked in and I stopped so as not to hit her. but the feeling was way too close for comfort. Scary...<BR>

SEM,

I think you did the right thing. It probably hurt your wife just a little.

<small>[ June 30, 2002, 03:01 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

Not directly, but once I attended a business conference out of town. Left on a Monday morning and was due home Friday night. Wrapped up my presentation early and returned home unexpectedly Thursday while H was at work. <P>Walked into our house and it was a mess... dirty wine glasses everywhere, a dozen empty wine bottles in kitchen, old dried out take-out chinese boxes, blankets and pillows on living room floor, wet towels everywhere, dirty ashtrays (my H and I don't smoke), video camera on tripod in bedroom, spilled baby oil on nightstand.... well, you get the picture. A complete mess. <P>My H is normally a neat freak, but I guess he was too busy being a video star and film director to worry about mundane household chores.<P>------------------<BR>"Mother, Mother Ocean, I have heard you call" -- <Jimmy Buffett>

eeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! what a subject. BUT i couldnt resist.<P>one time before H and i were married (we married AFTER i had two kids from him) i walked up on a vehicle at a party that he was in with his (supposed) ex....they were just sitting there, but their lips were swollen (geeeee wonder what htye were doing??) i grabbed her by her hair, shoved her on the tar, and proceded to kick her face and anything else.<P>BAD BAD SCENE. imagine if WE had been married??<P>anger is NOT the solution, but dang,sure feels good to get it out??<P>and to think, i did it rght back only 8 yrs later. life is very interesting.<P>mercy

Thank god no! It did happen to a friend of mine though. She and her H were temporarily separated due to her catching him gambling away their savings. He had promised to go to counseling for a month and then she would move back in. She was staying with her Mom afew blocks from their (her and H) house. Someone told her that they saw her H at a bar hanging on some sleazy girl in a neon green tank dress. She confronted him and he said "Oh she is my friend's girlfriend, I put my arm around her because I knew your friend was there and would tell you and I wanted to make you jealous." A week later my friend drove past her own house and saw a strange car. She stopped. All the doors were locked. So she used her key and went in, walked upstairs and walked in on H and the sleaze naked in her bed. She said she was just consumed with rage, jumped on the bed and started trying to choke the girl. H jumped up and put his pants on (so much for defending the precious OW) all the while saying "Honey, please, I love you. It's not what you think." Boy they really drag the lies out to the bitter end lol! Then she turned to her H, the OW jumped up and grabbed her clothes, which was a neon green tank dress (guess she only had one outfit). Bad scene. She divorced her H and he begged her to take him back for about a year.

Also.... A couple of months after D-day, while I was in the search-and-expose mode, I found several Polaroid snapshots of OW on our boat. <P>She was posing pretty for the camera... sitting on the side of the boat with her legs open, pulling aside her bikini bottom to display her only asset.<P>Not exactly a catching-them-in-the-act scenario, but close enough to make me understand how some betrayed spouses "lose it".<P><P>------------------<BR>"Mother, Mother Ocean, I have heard you call" -- <Jimmy Buffett>

SEM~<P>I had the misfortune to caught my husband the the OW having sex at my home. I went home to revive something early one day. <P>Long story, but we are now in true recovery for over a year and things are much better.<P>Bighope

SEM,<P>I have tons of these stories. Working in the oilfield with a bunch of guys for 11 yrs and I have heard some really good ones. First thing I want to tell you is there is a oilfield wide joke about "JODY" He is the guy that takes care of your wife or girlfriend while you are offshore working. He is the one that eats your food, drinks what ever you like to drink. Drives your car, sleeps in your bed, uses your toothbrush, beats your kids and your dog. He also is the one that does things with your S that they won't even do with you! Personally I don't know what I would do if I would actually walk in but you only have two real choices and to what extreme you take both of them.<P>Here is one of the best semi-violent stories:<P>Man is told by his friend that W is seeing someone else. Man pretends that he has to go back to work a few days before he has to. <BR>He waits for a few days and finds that the local police officer is making lots of rounds by his house. <BR>Finds out by another friend that a strange car is at his house. He goes over there and walks into his house and finds his W and officer in bed. He walks back out and gets a pistol but has time to think about what he is doing. He walks over to her side of the bed, puts his hand over his sleeping W's mouth and she wakes up. He tells her with the gun in his hand, pointing his gun between her eyes,"don't move or scream, you have one hour to get your stuff and get out and I never want to see you again" She must have took him serious! He, till this day, have never seen her again! Of course she just got her some clothes and a few other things, they couldn't have kids so it was a clean break! I have lots more if you want to hear them.......<P><BR>Regards<P>Roughneck<P> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Can't say I caught them, but I did catch something. I was gone to my parents house, while my H was supposed to go to a ballgame---My mom had an emergency in town, and we drove back unexpectedly. I saw my H pickup here, and a car parked halfway between our house and next doors. I opened the door, and H was standing there with a towel on. I asked what he was doing home, and then heard a click in the back bathroom shower. I asked who that was, and he said OW. I ran to the back bathroom and proceeded to yell at her to get the f*** out of my house. She was fully dressed. How could she be f-ing my H. My mom and 2 kids were here, standing at the front door. My mom went into hysterics, and kids started crying, too! Told my H to leave----I was devastated! He swears to this day that nothing was going on! Yeah right! If it hadn't gone on, then I surely interrupted before it had a chance. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <P>That's my story!<BR>krystal

<B>WOW......scandalous subject!</B> I had the misfortune of knowing my H's OW prior to the A. She leased a rental home from me and my H. I caught them several times but never in a compromising position. It's a good thing, too, because I would have certainly hurt her. GRRRRRRR [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Roughneck:<BR><STRONG>SEM,<P>I have lots more if you want to hear them.....</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Toughneck,<P>That was a good story. I ment for this to be more of a fun thread, so if you have more you want to share, please do. <P>Thank you all for your stories. You all have some funny stories, sorry you had to experience them.

SEM,<P>Here is another one. I had a guy working with me a few years back, I guess he was about 21 or so. He was new on the rig and everyone messed with him about "Jody". He would call his house several times a day and his wife wouldn't be there. After several attempts of calling her during the weekend he come in and told me that he quit and he was going home. I understood and told my boss to get him a chopper. (I have never played the "JODY" games with anyone because I know how it feels to be out here thinking about what your other half is doing at home) <P><BR>I found out later from another man that lived close to him that he went home and found out that his wife was running around on him for sure. WITH A GUY NAMED JODY!!!!!<P><BR>Funny how things happen in this cruel life!!!!<P>Roughneck

I saw this thread, and thought to myself, why in the world would anyone want to punish themselves listening to this type of stuff. <P>My h didn't "catch" me, but he read very graphic descriptions of the actions of my encounters with the OM. Now, 12 months later, it is still one of the biggest obstacles in our recovery. <P>Nothing fun, or funny about it. If he would have "caught" me, I'd be dead. I really don't see how talking or making light about this type of stuff promotes healing in the marriage. Of course, my h had to send me a copy of this post via email with a little note attached. <P>Too bad this sight couldn't stay down a little longer.<P>sigh

[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Sorry if I hurt anyones feelings. I really didn't intend on that. We all have our little demon's to fight and the lord knows that I have my own. Sorry I was inconsiderate to some of your feelings. I will keep the rest of them to myself.....<P><BR>Sorry again!<P>Roughneck

PJ,<P>I am sorry you took offence to this thread. I did not intend to offend anyone, or cause painful memories. This was intended to be on the lighter side, even if it is a heavy topic. I find my memory of catching my W in our home with another man at 1 in the morning very painful, but I feel talking about it is helpful. I also like to try to keep it light at the same time. It is something I would rather look back on and laugh about than to look back on and get depressed about. <P>I found abandondeddad's post was a very serious situation, and I am sure if he had written it differently it would have been much more painful rather than funny. I would never wish this to happen to anyone, nor do I find it funny or fun when it happens to someone, but when it happened in the past and people start to move on, they try to deal with it in their own way and to make it out to be funny so as to be able to laugh about it seems to be a lot better way than to run yourself into the ground every time you think about it. <P>Any way you look at it, I didn't intend to stir up hard feelings, and I am sorry you and your H feel this way...and anyone else that feels this way, I apoligize. I was afraid this topic would be risky, and I had hoped that anyone that might have taken offence to it wouldn't have read it. I will think more about starting this type of thread next time.

All, <P>Sorry again about upsetting feelings that I helped cause. But I have to tell you all that I have to laugh some of this off so I don't cry. My WS first A was with a 18 yr old single Wal-mart worker who dropped her like a hot rock when she got to close to him.<BR>Nothing wrong with him except he knew he was messing with a married woman. She was 23 at the time.<BR>Second A she had was a internet relationship with a guy from Chicago. He was 50, legally deaf, an Elvis impersonator and a Fuji film salesman, and not good-looking at all but had a very pure silver tongue. She was 25 at the time. There again I didn't see what she seen in him. My W is a beautiful woman and could do so much better than that. I was the biggest laughing stock in a very small town. I had to laugh with them to keep from crying. <P>Her current A is with a guy that is not very attractive either, I really don't want to describe him but there is not much to him. <P>I wished that I could post pics of us all to show you how much of a joke all of this has been for the families involved and the people of the community. <BR>I know that looks aren't near about everything but I still don't see the attraction to any of these men.<BR>My W has a lot of issues that I have long tryed to resolve for her but realize that she has to heal herself. As all I can do is better myself. She needs help and I can't do it for her and feel helpless to see her go down a road full of heartache and pain without knowing that she is the only one that can do anything about "HER".<P><BR>I wished you all could see my stance on all of this. I am going to use an old Elvis song "Walk a mile in my shoes" <P>And my quote: Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying......<P><BR>Roughneck

Roughneck,<P>I totally agree with you. I feel like I have to laugh it off right now. My W had 4 As when she was 19, and all the OM were between 22 and 34 years old, and only one was someone she says was attractive. I am having a hard time dealing with this as well. It has only been 4 months from my first d-day where I learned of only one A, and it has been 1 month from d-day #2 where I learned of the other 3 As. I cannot say that I have to deal with a current A, and I am sorry anyone has to deal with that. <P>I like your saying on the laugh not cry...that is me too. <P>sorry I encouraged you to tell your stories, like I said, I didn't intend for this thread to be hurtful or to make light of these situations. I only thought a little laughter was a good way to cope with it. Sorry everyone.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PlainJane:<BR><STRONG>I saw this thread, and thought to myself, why in the world would anyone want to punish themselves listening to this type of stuff. <P>My h didn't "catch" me, but he read very graphic descriptions of the actions of my encounters with the OM. Now, 12 months later, it is still one of the biggest obstacles in our recovery. <P>Nothing fun, or funny about it. If he would have "caught" me, I'd be dead. I really don't see how talking or making light about this type of stuff promotes healing in the marriage. Of course, my h had to send me a copy of this post via email with a little note attached.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This, apparently, said by many people who had affairs. I know it is a sensitive and painful topic, but I want to post something here that I recieved from another email list that might help. Here it is. Click the link below.<P><A HREF="http://www.suite101.com/mypage.cfm/contactliz/10633" TARGET=_blank>The Need to Know</A><P>-AD