Hello, I am fairly new here. I have posted on the "Just found out" board. Anyway a quick run down. I had surmized that "something" was going on with H since the end of April. He went out of state for the weekend to get away. Either while he was gone or just after he came back, I do not remember, I discovered he had a cyber and phone relationship with OW who lives about 6 hrs away. Where he went for the weekend would have been the half way point for both. When confronted about the phone calls he told me she was someone he met on the internet and she was just a friend trying to give him pointers on ways to make our relationship a better one...GAG...Anyways about a month ago this horrible feeling began to well up deep within me. He had not been on a weekend trip or anything like that. I just had this feeling that something was going on. We have been in marriage therapy since May, after I found out that he was engaging in cybersex with this OW. The sessions with our therapist were going good. H was learning to regain my trust and I was learning to be more open with my feelings. But this horrible feeling would not go away. I started to become a very good detective and found a cork for a wine bottle and an incense wrapper in the trunk of his car. Along with it was a receipt from a store in the other state he went to for the weekend getaway. Maybe I reading into things, but I did not feel I was. The following day after I found these things we met with our therapist and I told him how I tought something was going on and about the "evidence" I had found. He denied everything and played dumb about the things I had found in his trunk. The next day I purchased the keykey program off the net and found he had a private email account and also was able to get his password. I intercepted a letter from OW and by what she wrote I knew my feelings were confirmed. When I asked him about this he fessed up to his weekend away and that he had spent the whole weekend with OW. But this email I had just found was from a different OW. He told me they met in a bar and were only thinkig of getting together. I told him about the keykey program and how it worked. The next day I checked the log and saw the "breaking it off letter" he sent to OW. By what he wrote to her I knew much more had gone on than what he was willing to admit to me. As soon as he walked in from work I read to him the letter that he sent OW the night before and told him I wanted the truth about everything. Anyway, he met OW #2 in July at his high school reunion. According to him she persued him and seduced him right on the outside deck of the club that the reunion was held at. They got together 3 times after that and he says it was purely for the sex and nothing else. I do feel that he is remorseful and I believe that he has told me all there is to know. We are both committed to our M and are more than willing to do all we can to repair it. I have been devestated for the last 2 1/2 weeks since D-Day. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. I have not been able to tell him how I feel about all of this. We have talked ALOT since all this surfaced. Last night we had our regular session w/the therapist and there I was able to tell him all my feelings...betrayal, hurt, humiliation,anger,hoplessness,broken,depressed,alone,and much more. He sat and listened, which is all I needed him to do. It went very good and I feel like we made a huge step in the repairing of our M. I am sorry that I rambled on and on about this. I do have a few questions however. Is this normal, I mean to feel so much relief after getting so much out? Am I coming out of this? Am I to quick to think that all will be well? Can anyone relate to this? Yes, I do consider what he did is an A, but sort of in a different light to many of the posts I read here. I do believe his only connection with OW was only sex and nothing else. No, that does not make the pain any easier to take, but I feel if I had the choice of him either being in a committed relationship with the OW or just having a sex relationship, I would rather him be in the later of the two. Does this make any sense? Am I just fooling myself? I am sorry this is so long, thanks for reading all of this. I welcome all input.<BR>MAT

im surei cant be of much help, but i welcome you (unfortunelty) to MB. I know that even as a WS i have found much help here and learned a lot about the BS.<P>in MY mind, any betrayal outside the marriage is horrid. SEX is the ONLY way two can becoem ONE. Sex in our marriage is still about non exsistanct because of the PA/EA i had.<P>i know when a man has an affair it is "differnt" than when a woman does... soooo.<P>it is a great relief to get this off your mind and it is great to talk it over with your spouse, however, id be thinking that the man has some sort of sex addction?? <P>i wish you the best and hope someone can help you out soon <P>mercy