WS acted depressed for... I don't know how long. I didn't know how bad it was until I saw a smile (day AFTER Dday), and realized how long it had been since i had seen such a true grin.<P>But WS has always been against medical intervention of any kind, counseling of any kind, so despite a family history of depression, I know that to even say that I think WS is depressed would be an LB and would not acheive the goal of treatment. Any advice?<P>Or is it possible this was part of MLC and will clear? <P>Note: WS has seemed less depressed since D-Day, what is this all about? WS is happily having cake and eating it too?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bgentle:<BR>[<BR>But WS has always been against medical intervention of any kind, counseling of any kind, so despite a family history of depression, I know that to even say that I think WS is depressed would be an LB and would not acheive the goal of treatment. Any advice?<P>Hi Bgentle I can tell you a little about depression but it may not apply. I suffered from cronic depression for over 10 years. Never even saw it until W got sick of the lonliness it created and had an A. Now I can look back and see days that I could barely move or was hanging on by my finger nails so I wouldn't scream. The amazing thing is it seemed so very normal at the time!!! It happens so slowly day by day that you don't even notice. Please get WS to see someone! Best of luck to you!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bgentle:<BR><STRONG><BR>Note: WS has seemed less depressed since D-Day, what is this all about? WS is happily having cake and eating it too?</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>I am the WS and I can say that I am less depressed since D-day as well. Your WS is not happy about cake and eating it too. I bet your WS has similar feelings as I do. You get so upset for what youv'e done, the pain you have caused. You let it eat at you which makes you more depressed. You feel guilty, embaressed, ashemed, and it eats at you until there seems to be nothing left. So when you finally tell your S, you feel like a rock is lifting from insides, from your heart. You feel like you can start to love yourself and your S once again with out something blocking you from it as before. <P>Have you mentioned MB to your S? I know that it has helped my H and I in our recovery. Maybe you could go to C alone, and show your WS that C isn't so bad after all. Alot of people ecspecially WS's are afraid to go to C because it brings up the past, the awful memories of what they did wrong. It feels like you get your nose rubbed into your error. But as my H said "he can't heal until he knows everything, he can't fix the problem if he doesn't know where the problem lies.<P>Sorry I can't seem to remeber what else I was ganna write. My children keep interuppting. AAAHHHh [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]<BR> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Good luck. Sherry

sofar2go: That's the point, I have no idea how to get WS to see someone. If I push for it, WS will get even more stubborn about not going.<P>KS: Thanks for the kind thought, but the situation is not similar. D-Day was a complete accident, WS was planning to hide the A until a decision was made about leaving me. As far as I know, there is continuing contact. (Although there can't be much contact due to other responsibilities and we are relating better, WS is not ready to give up OP.)

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Keep Smiling:<BR>But as my H said "he can't heal until he knows everything, he can't fix the problem if he doesn't know where the problem lies.<BR>[QB]<P><BR>Just wanted to suggest a different type of therapy. It's something called Solution Oriented Brief Therapy. Those familar with "Divoce Busters" or Michelle Weiner-Davis, might know a little bit about it.<P>Now, I haven't used this method, I've heard stories of it working well. Basically, it is a therapy that involves coming up with solutions and doesn't dwell on the past causes like traditional therapies. Therefore, by finding solutions, you change the behavior. By changing the behavior it is possible to acheive results quicker than other types of counseling. Don't know how this works with depressives though... [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <P>My H is against therapy too, was on meds for short time but took himself off right about the time they should have started working. Felt he got rid of the reason for the depression, me. Wrong!! Still depressed <BR> [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Worth a looksee.<BR>kathy

Bgentle<P>Sounds real similar to how my wife (ws) acted. She had been mildly depressed on and off for 3 years after the birth of our last child. Suddenly it became much worse when her EA started and even deeper as it progressed to a PA. The only time she was happy was traveling for business with the OM. D-day (6-9 months after EA started) was not voluntary on her part. After D-day she continued the affair and seemed to snap out of the depression for 2-3 months and appeared to be happy. I guess if I could have my cake and eat it too while my spouse stood by doing the Plan-A thing, I'd be pretty happy too.<P>As the affair wound down (6-8 months after d-day) she slipped into a very deep depression. This went on for about 1.5 years. She refused to even discuss the possibility of having depression, even though she came from a medical background and clearly understood her symptoms. It even became a joking matter to me for a while that I could put her to sleep by bringing up a serious topic for discussion. A 10 min conversation about "did you talk to the OP on your last business trip" would send her straight to bed for 2-4 hours after having slept 10-12 hours the night before. <P>Just recently she started to see a counselor and her regular MD put her on Paxil. This only came about because we where having a divorce discussion (putting it lightly), and I told her that we both knew she needed help. She had the choice of going voluntarily and see if that helps out or I would go file the divorce papers and I would contest the child custody based upon her mental state and she would have to then go while under a microscope of the court.<P>Take extreme care when you live in a house with depression, it can be contagious. At times I felt I had one foot in the bucket. Stay close with your family & friends, they can be your best therapist.<P><BR>Best of luck,<BR>HI