hi all its been a while for me besides the forums being down.<P>Its around the 1 year annversary of when H's EA started and though overall things are a bit better i find myself having to deal with new triggers and thoughts about his A.<BR>I find that i resent him alot for the pain he caused us and our marriage. Personally i feel he could be doing alot more in ways of recovery or at least in reassurance that he loves me and is being faithful. however i find that just the oposite is taking place. once again he is gone most of the time (granted he is with my uncle and dont think hes having another affair) but he could be taking what free time we have together and spend it with his family.<BR>Once again we are back to fighting all the time about insignificant things and as i said i find myself resenting him for the pain he caused. at this point i would rather him be out doing things rather than being here with me. I hope that this is just a "side effect" from being pregnat i have 2 months to go and hopefully after the baby is here my hormones will normalize once again.<P><BR>my problem is the way i feel right now i dont know if i can ever forgive him for what he did. its not that im trying to hold a grudge but id like to be happy and right now i am not.<BR>is this normal or am i alone in this one.<BR>any advice and comments appreciated.<BR>thanks everyone<BR>glad to be back<BR>roxy

IMO has little or nothing to do with forgiveness, in fact I think forgiveness is a misnomer re affairs. I think what everyone (including you now) are doing is assessing whether your spouse is marriage material. ie that they love (have your best interests at heart, vs loving what you do for them), and whether they are stable enough psychologically to be trusted (re affairs, or other obsessive behaviour), in short you are trying to figure out whether you really want to be married to him, not whether you can forgive him. And judging by what you say, his behaviour is very suspect, no wonder you are angry, and it ain't hormones, you are just making excuses for him, that is the road to ruin. If he is marriage material, he should be fighting for you, and you know that, the sooner you stop denying, the better off you will be (in a mental health sense). Good luck.

bumping myself hoping for more insight

Have you considered reviewing your EN questionaires?<P>Maybe yours have changed (especially being pregnant!) Go back and re-evaluate. Perhaps you have a greater need for affection or admiration right now. If he were doing a better job of meeting those needs you may not be feeling the withdrawl that you are feeling.<P>Maybe your needs not being met are causing you to reflect back on the A. <P>I hope that its a simple communication problem. Let him know what he needs to do for you!