A few weeks ago W and I were in counseling talking about our problems. C stopped us and drew a triangle. He pointed to the sides and said that we both needed to start looking up. The top of the triangle represented God. He told us we were both spending two much time looking at each other from the side. We were measuring how far and how fast we were climbing (or falling). Now, I'm not a religious man but I do believe that I have some pretty sound morals and values. I took this to heart but found myself in my office last weekend upset and reading this site. I can imagine that many of you have shared days like this. I was so frustrated by the lack of progress in my M that I needed to vent and didn't want to set myself back with my W. I started up the computer and came to this Web site. I started reading through the posts then the articles. It just made me more frustrated. I was sitting there just gazing at the screen and thinking. I must have stared at that screen for 15 minutes before I saw it. On the Marriage Builder homepage is the same triangle. Only this one has two arrows climbing to the top. I noticed as they moved to the top one moved faster and higher than the other but once they both made it to the top they were both replaced by one big red arrow. My frustration was immediatly gone. <BR>I started asking myself "what happens if only one arrow makes it to the top?" Then I realized that was the whole point of the lesson in C. Quit looking at the other arrow. So what if she doesn't make it? I will be at the top and even if it's alone it will be a better place than were I am right now. Maybe W will join me later maybe not. Maybe she stays were she's at and finds somebody else. Maybe she has a different hill to climb. Maybe there is somebody waiting for me or climbing the same hill. Whatever or whoever is up there deserves better than I am right now. I deserve better than I'm doing right now. There is probably a lot less trash and garbage to wade through up there. I want to keep my eye out for my W but she's going to have to make that climb by herself but I guess I can't. Well, maybe a quick peak here and there?<P>Sorry to ramble and most of you probably know the story behind the triangle but I didn't and it was pretty neat when I figured it out and what it meant to me. Hope this helps somebody.<P>who

whothehellisshe<BR>Thankyou for that. That is how I've been trying to direct my thoughts lately too. I realize that our relationship cannot get any worse(WH is living with OW for 8 months now).<BR>He seems to have gone deeper into the fog than before.He often comes over to do his paperwork and sometimes to visit but I feel like we're back to square 1.<BR>I need to look to the top of that triangle and forget about him, but too bad it's easier said than done. I'll keep trying though.

Yes...Yes...Yes....<P><BR>It's that simple & we know it. I believe it's just that fear/struggle to be the arrow that grows.<P>I find myself moving upward, but always looking to see if H is moving along with me. Usually he isn't; so instead of moving on I wait. I even see my arrow go downward. Not at all what I want because deep inside I want that other arrow right beside me; joining me at the top.<P>But, the past 9 months since D-Day has shown me that I really have to start looking at the top of the triangle & getting there with or without the other arrow.<P>Only my H can move his arrow not me.<P>Hard to swallow, but so true.<P>Thanks!<P>Lisa [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I like the analogy of the triangle---It is so true! We are supposed to look up, not down or even sideways. God will put our spouses where they need to be, and maybe just seeing our example, our spouses will want to be on top, too!<P>Face forward---keep your eyes ahead, and everything else will fall into place!<P>Krystal

You are all so right. We need to keep striving to reach the top. It's got to be better than we're we're at right now. <BR>C