H and I both tested positive for Chlamydia, which we are told is a "highly contagious" STD. I previously tested negative for this during routine prenatal lab work prior to the A, and my only sexual partner for over a decade has been H. H originally claimed he used condoms with OW, but obviously that claim is either untrue or inconsistent.<P>In any case, I don't like having it on my conscience that OW could be passing this on to other unsuspecting innocent wives. This disease is very often asymptomatic and it destroys the reproductive system causing infertility if left untreated.<P>I suggested that I contact OW to encourage her to see her doctor and obtain treatment before spreading the disease further. H does not want me to, and his stated reason is that it will provoke OW to pursue contact with him.<P>I read Surviving An Affair, and I don't remember this issue being addressed. Has anyone else faced this, and can anyone direct me to where Dr. Harley may have given any advice on how to handle this?<P>Conqueror

IMHO, I think you should write an anonymous letter and send it to her that simply states "You have been exposed to an STD called Chlamydia, a doctor's appointment is highly suggested".<P>If the OW is as promiscious as you think, she won't know which one of her many partners has sent the notification.<P>BTW: It has been reported that untreated Chlamydia is directly linked to causing Cervical cancer.

Dear Conqueror,<P>What I did when I found that that my 1st H had given me VD and the doctor told me I had to inform him was to call his place of work and leave the entire message with his boss. <P>Oh Boy was that ever satisfying [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Daisy -- is that your recommendation?? Or was that a joke??<P>Please don't listen to that advice.....

Conqueror,<P>I also wanted to say that I am very sorry for your discovery. I know it hurts.<P>Lv,<BR>Jo

Hey Lexxy: Your post above is an example of your judgemental/disrespectful attitude. What you need to do is get over yourself; who are you to tell others what advice they should or should not take and judge others posts? Or perhaps this post hit a bit close to home? <P>Instead of judging/disrespecting others why don't you offer the poster some advice?

I'd love to tell the OM's wife that her husband has Chlamydia and Gonnorhea but they are in China and my wife doesn't want to do it. So much for that.

Dear Lexxy, <P>It was neither a recommendation nor a joke. I did it. I DO NOT regret it either.

Thanks for the info about cervical cancer. That is probably why the doctor did a Pap smear as well as a gonorrhea culture after the blood tests came back. I'm still awaiting those results.<P>I'm trying to handle this in a way my H will agree to. If I were divorcing him, I'd have no problem telling everyone what he and OW did to me. However, I'm still trying to be sensitive to his needs at this point, and I share his goal of him avoiding contact with OW.<P>I'll suggest the anonymous letter idea and see what he says. I suggested to him that he go to the health department, because as I understand it, they will discreetly contact your sexual partners and notify them of their need to be tested. He does not want to do that.<P>Maybe if he ever comes out of his fog, he will address this issue more responsibly. We're 3-1/2 weeks post D-day, and I consider myself to be in plan A because he still works two shifts a week with OW and will not look for a different job, claiming he is able to work his whole shift without ever crossing paths with her.<P>Conqueror

Hi Conqueror,<BR>Sorry to hear about your nasty little surprise, as well as your husband's lie exposed...<P>Trust me, if OW has chlamydia, she is already the first one to know it!<P>Just take your medicine and be done with her forever! She's bad news! YUCK!

Conqueror<BR>When I found out about PA, I called OW and said "thanks for ruining my life and possibly giving me an STD". (okay, I had lost it....didn't give her a chance to talk).<BR>Anyway then H called and asked what the deal was. I told him I went to the Dr and got tested. When the results came back, I emailed the OW: Subject: Courtesy Info. Stated they were negative and just wanted to let her know as I would have appreciated it if it was my place. Left it at that.<P>((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you for the pain you are going through. Credit also, on not LB-ing. You are a strong woman. Guess your name says it all.<BR>Mikkey<P>OW definitely needs to know. I was always under the impressions that the Dr. has to report it to the Health Dept and they have to contact you and get contacts to notify them. BUT, my friend had her husband bring this nasty little disease home to her and she said she found out because it was so painful and uncomfortable so they went to the Dr. Her H kept denying it till the Dr. said "Look, you've been busted and you BOTH need treatment".<BR> Sounds like your H is still in denial and just wants to sweep it under the rug without dealing with it?<BR>Mikkey

OK..little known STD facts..<BR>Most Chlamydia tests are run at a state lab even if done in a private office...call your MD..see the state did the testing..if so, they will contact any partners and offer treatment. If run through a private lab, you are on your own...personally, I'm for the anonymous letter. Or, talk it over with MD..he can write a letter to her stating that she has been named as a partner and that treatment is nessessary without revealing who named her.<P>Chlamydia is not linked to cervical cancer..it is however linked to infertility, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and in rare cases..death. Can also cause blindness and pnuemonia to newborns if present during birth.<P>HPV..the human papilloma virus is linked to cervical cancer..it is also the most rapidly spreading STD out there...that's why the pap smear. Repeat the pap smear in 6 mos, and then never go a year without a papsmear. HPV will cause slow changes in the cervix that can be picked up before it becomes a cancer and treated...if you have those yearly papsmears.<P>It's amazing to me, since Dday, how many of my patients seem to sense I've been there, and how much infidelity is out there. It's a tough thing to have to tell a woman who has been faithful that she has an STD...have had to do it too often...the only good thing is that I found this site and have a good referral for them.<P>Be strong,<BR>T

Dear Conqueror,<P>When I called my H`s boss we were already separated and there was absolutely no chance for a reconciliation once I found out he had given me VD.<P>You situation is a bit different. I can fully understand the humiliation factor in all of this. I think a letter is also the way to go. This is a very nasty VD and if the OW is not informed there is a good possibility she doesn`t realise that she is a carrier. <P>YOur H is going to have to face facts, this woman needs to know. Maybe he needs to have some concrete info on what Chyamydia is, and how it affects the system. <P>Good luck, I`ve been there too.

Twyla wrote:<BR><I>"Chlamydia is not linked to cervical cancer..it is however linked to infertility, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and in rare cases..death. Can also cause blindness and pnuemonia to newborns if present during birth."</I><P>Conqueror,<P>Being a Cervical cancer (stage 3) survivor myself, please go to this link and read to back up my info in earlier post regarding the link between Chlamydia and Cervical Cancer.<P> <A HREF="http://health.yahoo.com/health/women/dealing3b.html" TARGET=_blank>http://health.yahoo.com/health/women/dealing3b.html</A> <P>Good Luck and God Bless, Hon.<BR>Jo<p>[ October 18, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Conqueror:<BR><STRONG><P>I suggested that I contact OW to encourage her to see her doctor and obtain treatment before spreading the disease further. H does not want me to, and his stated reason is that it will provoke OW to pursue contact with him.<P>Conqueror</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I would opt for a big sign on her lawn lol. Sorry, couldn't resist. I could care less about the OW but I can see your point about her passing it around. Can you call the health department and have them notify her?

Color me ignorant, but I thought the medical facility notified via State/Federal mandates???<P>If not, I would NOT do anything from a personal standpoint. I would pay a lawyer $25 to write a letter telling her. <P>And it's not *her* I'd be worried about (although from a human standpoint, yes, it is the kind thing to do), it's the innocent people she'd give her disease to... even years down the road.

Call your County health dept. Tell them how you contracted it and your DR.s name and ask them to call the OW for you.

Boy, I sure like the lawyer letter idea! Has anyone ever done that? I already checked, and the state I live in doesn't allow alienation of affection lawsuits. But maybe a civil suit for assault is a possibility.<P>I saw my Dr. today. I now have a yeast infection as a result of the strong antibiotic I had to take for the Chlamydia, so now I get to go through the trouble and expense of treating THAT!<P>On the bright side, the gonorrhea and herpes cultures were negative. The Dr. confirmed the need to notify OW and thought the idea of the anonymous letter was a good one that would do the job and should not present a problem for H.<P>We used a private lab and private doctor, but now I wished I had gone to the Health Dept, so that they could handle it.<P>My concern all along has been for the other innocent wives this person is a threat to. One person OW works with is the husband of a friend of mine, so I'm especially concerned about that, but H doesn't want me to warn her to protect herself because I'd have to expose him and what he did to me.<P>In addition to the medical problem, I'm extremely concerned with his anger and why he doesn't want me to contact OW. I figure there are two possibilities. Either he's afraid I'll discover that the A continues or he's afraid we'll both find out that HE was the carrier, not OW, and gave it to both of us from another source. He is highly agitated at the thought of the two of us communicating with each other.<P>I am so weary of this. I don't want to keep doing plan A if he is still cheating on me or is still lying to me.<P>I know a person who is trying to remain married to a compulsive gambler, and she always says, "I can trust him with my life, I can trust him with my child, I can trust him with pretty much everything but money, so I keep hanging on."<P>I can't trust my H with anything, not even my life--what is left? I keep wondering why I'm hanging on and thinking that something must be seriously wrong with me to keep taking this kind of abuse. My family begs me to get out. Even H says I'd be better off without him, that I shouldn't expect him to change because he doesn't know if he ever will. Most of the time I'm in such shock I don't know what to do.<P>Conqueror [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Well HECK YEAH he's afraid for the two of you to talk ... he hasn't come clean with everything I suspect. <P>Boy .... I don't think you should LB your H, but talking to the OW certainly is intriguing, wouldn't you say?<P>Conqueror, regardless if your H isn't being truthful with you, to follow the Harley's principals you should continue Plan Aing him. Plan A is simply being nice to your H (no LBs) and meeting what ENs he'll allow you to meet, at the same time working on yourself and correcting your part in the marriage problems.<P>As far as your H's anger, unfortunetly that is typical for the WS, and most times they direct their anger at the BS. See, he has to stay mad at you, if he isn't angry with you then he can't justify having an A. Isn't that messed up.<P>Gosh Hon, I don't know what to say about you not trusting your H with even your life. That, in of itself, says volumes. Have you always felt like that about him?<P>Prayers,<BR>Jo<p>[ October 18, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

you said you wondered why your h has such a reaction about you talking to the ow...just a thought...maybe she isn't the OW. Maybe the woman he told you was the OW is not REALLY the person he is/was having an affair with or maybe she was not the only one he was with and it is possible that he was the carrier and he doesn't want the ow to know.