yep. He gave me divorce papers tonite. <P>I'm o.k. well... not really... but I am. <P>help me... How do I feel like this is not my fault? I feel like I failed. As a wife before the A... and in my plan A. I did my best in Plan A . You all know that. I tried. Logically, I know I wasn't a bad wife. so Why do I feel this way? Why does he only remember the bad? How can I believe all the things he says?<P>He got mad that I wouldn't go over the papers with him. I said I would look at them later. What did he expect?<P>I'm so hurt. I feel like it's really over. SOme of you are going to say it's not over yet. I knew this day was coming. I told myself I wouldn't be hurt. I didn't cry or pitch a fit or anything. Then we started talking about us. Like we haven't talked before. It was weird - I dunno - different. But of course, we didn't get anywhere. We talked calmly and honestly. <P>I tried. I did everything I could. I know I did, and I'm stronger and better now. And I can live with myself.<P>so why do I still hurt so bad?

Hi D,<P> I am extremely sorry that you are going through this. I hope you are ok. I am trying to get on ICQ, but it appears to be down. At least it won't connect.<P> I know you must be sort of numb right now. I wish I was there to give you a real hug...<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Faith1}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>You have been such a blessing to me. You have kept me going when I did not want to. <P> I am sorry he did this to you D. Stay Strong.<P> Jerry<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{D}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Because you are human...this is such a blow to our self-esteem...such a public statement of failure...<P>HOWEVER...it does not have to remain that way...and, yes, you know that it's not always over....<P>YOU ARE WONDERFUL! You are insightful, caring...and you have done a wonderful plan A...<P>Call Steve and have him help you through this...determine if you are going to continue plan A or go into plan B...<P>Your H may not realize all the costs of a D yet...<P>Hugs, Faith1...<BR>my prayers are with you,<BR>Cali

Hey kiddo...<BR> {{{{{{HUGGGGGGGZ}}}}}}<P>I am sooo sorry to hear this!! You know I am here for you!! I know what you are feeling...its hard to accept it when it happens. The feelings you have are one's that we all go through in this instance...what else could I have done...it must be my fault since he won't come back...and more! You have done your best and you can carry your head high. You are a wonderful person and it sad that he refused to see that. <P>Hang in there. I know the numbness you are feeling....<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Faith1,<P>I'm so sorry to hear this. But don't give up yet. Just a few weeks ago he was ready to give your marriage a chance. This just shows how confused he is. I can't speak from experience, but from what I've read here, sometimes starting the divorce process can be a real wake up call. It's very difficult emotionally, mentally and financially and not quite as simple a solution as it appears at first. Contact your lawyer and prepare yourself. He may be thinking it's easier to run than face what he's done. <P>You're a wonderful person and this isn't your fault. He made his choice to have the A and he made his choice to file. Choices come with consequences and he's about to find out what those are.<P>sad dad

Dear Faith, <P>I am so sorry to hear this news. Fog is deep in your neck of the woods. <P>You know this was planned. He waffled a bit and came home, possibly got scared. Why? Not sure. <P>You do what you need for yourself ok? Can't call right now but will later. ICQ me if you can. <P>{{hug for you}} Let me know if you want to talk. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

thanks everyone. yes, numb is a good word. your responses wrap me in warmth and comfort... really. thank you. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I had to make one more post to hit 1000 posts... kinda ironic, huh? hehe... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

You feel hurt because your best wasn't good enough for your H, but your best was good enough for me! I applaud your efforts and your courage and your strength during these many weeks and weeks of posting and encouraging others with your hope and love.<P>It ain't over tho, girlie... because I agree with sad dad on your husband being confused and unable to live with HIS MISTAKES that ruined the marriage, even tho, it still isn't totally ruined... he just thinks that... You cannot convince him, just leave all the convincing up to the Holy Spirit now.<P>Just take things from moment to moment and trust God for direction each step of the way. You know how God is, only gives us one step at a time on this long journey that requires so much faith and patience. God requires us to live in the now so don't get caught up in all the what-if thinking about the future and the only thing you can do with the past is forget it. I believe you have the strength enough to do just that.<P>Live in the now and trust God to strengthen you with wisdom from above. <<<<<HUGS>>>>>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><STRONG>You cannot convince him, just leave all the convincing up to the Holy Spirit now.<BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oh, Faith,<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Faith1}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>I can't give enough hugs to quell the hurt. I know it well. BTDT has given very good advice. You DID do a good Plan A. You did everything "humanly" possible. Remember that. Also remember this is NOT a human fight. It is a spiritual battle.<P>Hold it together, Lil Sis. We're in the exact same place (again), and I AM STILL believing (for me AND YOU!!) that God is bringing our WH's home for the holidays. Claim it, pray it, believe it. He will do it!<P>DON"T look at the circumstances and get discouraged. It's what the enemy wants. He ALWAYS makes it darkest, and works his hardest just before the miracle. Remember? "Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle."<P>JUST 5 more minutes.<P>Love you,<BR>Lupo

{{{{{{Faith1}}}}}} I'm so sorry he's doing this to you. You do not deserve this much pain. I agree with everyone here; he's still in the fog. I pray that the reality of what a D entails will clear it away. God WANTS your marriage. I believe it in my heart, or I would not still be here with everyone else on this site. I will pray for your strength, peace, and if need be, acceptance. You have been such an inspiration to all here who are hurting. I pray for healing for you, and your H, and your marriage.<P>MOM

I'm glad you're still holding on to your sense of humor through all this =) 1000 posts!<P>You've kept the faith, you've run a good race. And it isn't your fault that it wasn't good enough for him. With all you've done and been through, we can confidently say that nothing would most likely been good enough. <P>You knew this time would come, even though you hoped against it, but know that we're still here.<P>{{{{{Faith}}}}}

Oh sweet angel Faith,<BR>How are you doing today? <BR>You need alittle sense of humor to get through this. How about I will be down in a little bit and I am giong to knock some since into his thick skull. <P>(((((((Hugs))))))) Sherry

So sorry Faith1 for your pain, Its not your fault you did everything you could, don't give up yet, I will pray for you to be strong thru this ordeal. Just remember if it does come to a divorce you did everything you could to save your M you have nothing to feel guilty about. (((((((faith1)))))) Love Sally

<B>Wow</B>,this just sux (excuse my adolescent slang)! I know that your pain is overwhelming you at this time but I also know that you'll pull through this like the trooper that you are. Your "faith" has made you a better person and partner and your H is blinded by his uncertainty. Hopefully, he'll see the light before he totally loses the best thing that ever happened to him.....YOU! Take care, friend and keep within the spirit.

My dear Faith, <P>How are you doing tonight? I have to go out but will be in touch tomorrow ok? You can reach me on my cell. <P>L.

Dear Faith, My prayers are with you. Remember and believe, it's not over yet. Hold your head up high and continue to fight quietly. <P>We care so much for you and your pain. You're too good to go through this but God must have picked you because you were special and because he knew you could help and inspire others. <P>Remember that you are SO special!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Faith}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Just wanted to drop in a hugs as well. Don't really have any words of wisdom, I live daily in constant dread of H doing that. I know it is a matter of time, but....as you pointed out, that doesn't help. <P>I pray that the reality of what he is doing sets in soon. I know most marriages can be worked through if both spouses are willing and embracing of their differences. Maybe he will learn this during this time. <P>How long have you been separated? (I never can remember whos story is whos yet (still too new [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ). I ask because in VA if there isn't a separation agreement (which I won't sign), H can't process papers until 1 year after official separation (mid-Sept for me). AND I know that the OW still hasn't gotten a D from her H after 2 years of separation. He just won't sign, not sure how he worked that. Just wanted to put some evil stalling thoughts in your head since you feel so glum. Sometimes evil thoughts like that are a pick me up. Surely wouldn't be helping him out by stalling, would it! I am glad you said you would look over the papers later...no need for him to pressure you more than he is. Just take it at your own pace, make him follow your timetable on this one as much as you can.<P>More hugs for you! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Faith}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>P.S. My mother helps me out with evil plan ideas, she was close with OW and treated her like a 3rd daughter, and was grandlma to her kids....mom has lots of evil plans [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] (hmmm, need a devil smiley)<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: BJoanne ]

Double, sorry all [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: BJoanne ]

Dear Faith<BR>I am so sorry he felt it necessary to do this.....I am a strong believer that each phase of this process God let's happen is necessary to truly and I emphasize truly get the end results we hope for if they are to happen at all....You know Faith, God is always in control....all things work together for the good of those who believe and love him....remember that! Please Faith, I know you are a very strong person spiritually and you have come to my rescue so many times.....just saying one little thing that brought me back to reality when I have been so upset....I sinse your strength through your kind words of encouragement to all of us here at MB's.....I am fighting the tears back as I type this.....I pray for God's wonderful peace to comfort you....Your initial response shows me allot about how you are doing....I sinse your strength in your words...your ability to stay in control and not let him see you upset is admirable....I agree with all the others....he is still sooooo confused and maybe thinks it is easier to just give up than to fight....keep doing what you have been doing and I pray if it is God's will this marriage survive that he bring home to you not the old H but the new H that has realized the price of such a betrayal and your relationship will be Affair proof forever and that your H will find his way spiritually as well....If I recall, your H is not a Christian, is that right? My H is not a Christian either....I believe spouses who do not have a spriritual foundation in their lives are more apt to cheat than one who is spiritual....Wait guys before you get me on this...I know lots of cheating takes place among so called "Christians" as well but I think that maybe at least I hope it causes some to think before they get into these messes....<BR>Back to Fatih, stay strong, stay in touch and as your name implies.....KEEP the FAITH.....we love you!!!!!!!!!!<BR>Dianne