Hello All<BR>Just had dinner with WS at her apartment. Last night she acknowledged that A with OM is over, and I do believe her. She is living in her own to find her self. OK with me. But, something she said tonight is bugging me. We had small talk...we had talk (superficial to start with about her A with OM), and I told her that I thought I'd been pretty controlled about the OM in that I hadn't gone to his home and acquainted his teeth with his sphincter!! She said...get this..."well, if you had of done that it wouldn't have been the best way to win me back." Helloooooo??? Who needs to win whom back?? I read somewhere that they seem as if they've been abducted by aliens and had their brains scrambled. How true. Is this normal? Is this fog? Is this something that I should've just let wash over me (cos I did)? I have to win her back??? Yeah...righttttt. I think she's browsing the fiction aisles here. Perhaps more stress relief is in order, so i'm off to braid the hair in each of my nostrils.<P>Snerty

Yeah Snert,<BR>I guess showing your butt is considered a love buster when you are working Plan A to win your spouse back and recover from the affair according to MB principles... I know, it doesn't sound fair, but love doesn't think in terms of fairness, true love never pays attention to a suffered wrong...<P>BTW, is a snert something like a snort? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks Binthere<P>Nah...Snert is Hagar the Horrible's dog. Nice inoffensive mutt with no malice towards anyone. Nickname for our own doggy too. Question!...what was the name of Hagar's other pet? Geez, any wonder my W is off in lala land. Her H is a cartoon driven imbecile! Haha. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

LOL!!!<P>I just had to say how much I enjoyed the thought of you braiding your nose hairs!!! I love your sense of humour! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>As to your W's comment, she is still going to be in the fog for a while, and withdrawal, so you will have to let a LOT of stupid comments wash over you. You did well to ignore it.<P>Win her back, win you back....sounds like you two need to talk a bit more about what went on in your marriage to get it to such a point, and also discuss your EN's...that was a LB on her behalf, and she should know about those kinds of concepts in order to do her best for you.<P>And as far as that comment goes...yes in a big way, you DO have to win her back...she strayed, remember? So you have to court her again, and it sounds like she may be wanting that....look at it from that point of view, and it might help!!!<P><BR>I hope I didn't sound critical...not my intention at all!<BR>Love and light,<P>Jackuy

Snert -<BR>Though it's not a popular opinion on this site, I agree with you.<P>The problem is, there really aren't any other really good boards - and there are some great people here. Try the D/D and E/N boards some time.<P>By the way, I LOVE your style. Wish I had your way with words!

Snert, <P>Just an opinion from me..and i am no expert. You will get NO-WHERE trying to discuss doing bad things to the OM or telling your WS all the faults that the OM has. She thinks she was in love with him and it will insult her and make her defensive. I seen my WS turn on her Mother & Father because each of them called to talk to OM and tell him to leave her family alone !! <P>If she wants to talk about OM...then listen intently and be there for her like a best friend and NOT an angry BS. Is it hard...YES. Whatever you do...don't belittle THEIR relationship and her feelings towards that...be understanding to her...otherwise you create a bad environment for her and she will take it all out on YOU !! <P>I know this is hard and may make no since to you...but trust me. That's what you need to do !! <P>Listen..listen..listen..listen. If you do..she will tell you where she is at AND what she wants you to do next. It may take her some time.....but her words and actions will show you this. <P>Good Luck ! <P>Sad Daddy<BR> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Snert -- <BR>I know it seems strange to you. That you need to win her back -- after all, she's the one who's done wrong.<P>That statement says volumes about where she is at emotionally. She checked out of your relationship and into another.<P>In her world, she has stopped thinking of your relationship as a marriage. Its as if she is single and deciding between her suitors. So in that sense, she's thinking you need to win her back. (and if you want to stay married you do)<P>After her love for you has returned, thats when you will see the remorse and appreciation for you.

Snert:<P>Kvack?<P>SD is right...you will get nowhere discussing your fantasies regarding OM dental redecoration.<P>It ain't fair but it does seem to be the truth...work on you and W and forget (well as much as you can) about OM...if she is telling you he is out of the picture...roll with that...<P>Good luck <P>E

Thanks All for your thoughts.<P>I know you're right. If I have thoughts about shoving my hand down his throat, grabbing his bum and pulling him inside out, I should keep that to myself?....Right?...Thought so! OK...I will try. And, yeah...i guess it's the fog that's making her jaw clatter incomprehensibly. Better make allowances for that too I suppose. And, yeah...damned right it's hard! Grrr...what about me??!! I know...I know...put "me" on hold for the moment, but hells bells, I've had 13 months of her horsesh**. *Sigh*...I'll do it...I guess. *Mope, Whinge, Grizzle, Groan, Burp, Moan, Scratch, Piddle, Fart.!!*<P>Snerty