ok h and i are living 2gther again after 8 months of him living w ow (whom he works with)she thinks he is at his aunts place until he figures out what he is gonna do.he says he is gonna tell her he is moving in with me and our child(although he claims she has a good idea 90% that is what will happen)right now we are working on being friends and not focusing on the marriage.(its like we never even got married.is that a good idea? i am trying to plan a but its so hard.i told him if he cares so much for her he should go back to her house.and all thought we are working on being friends he is still saving $ just in case it doesn't work so we could divorce.i feel he should concentrate on friendship for now and he said if we make it that will just be $ saved?<BR>that upsets me a bit.could we really get passed this?when i think of everything btwn them it hurts so bad (he doesn't understand)said she is cool.and things btwn them did not end bad?could he really love her after 1 yr or just think its love?we have been 2gther 10 yrs and he acts like he doesn't love me could we fall back in love.i love him but he really is hurting me.he said infidelity has been what has gotten us to this point also he was getting bored?could boredom be overcome?or am i wasting me time.can not afford to be hurt anymore than i already am i am trying to plan a and get over my hurt at the same time.seems like its not working.could all the feelings he had for me just have faded and now he feels that way for her???i am so hurt and confused.i love him but i can't be a doormat i am really trying to be a friend and get to the bottom of this does this sound normal or am i dealing with a nut job. i have never cheated and never wanted to but he has had more than one episode.this was the first one he ever moved in with.could we just be over and wasting our time?could we fall in love again? i need help/advice whatever anyone has to offer<BR>married 7yrs<BR>together 10yrs<BR>one child 6 yr old girl

leftalone-<P>Sorry you are hurting today! I don't have any advice really, but to try to focus on bettering yourself. When you truly are working on yourself, all the pain will go away! I also find that giving, and asking God to take all the resentment away, works miracles! But you have to truly have faith that HE will do that!<P>I know it sounds unlikely, but I have given it all up to God, and I am like a new person. Not bitter, not angry. Sometimes I feel the hurt, but nothing like it used to be!<P>I hope you find encouragement, and I am saying prayers for you right now!<P>Hugs,<BR>Krystal

Dear LA,<P>We almost mirror each other's situation, except my H is too broke to save up to move out. Guess that was a blessing in disguise. After he had been home a while, he began to see ow for what she really is. <P>I can't post too much now, but read Freddy's post. It may offer some insight. It took a lot for Freddy to write that. Just read it with a purpose to learn. <P>Then post your thoughts. <P>TakeCare,<BR>L.

I think that every BS asks themselves these same questions over and over! It is such an uphill road to travel and we have to do it alone. It doesn't seem like the WS has to a thing. That is one thing that gives me the most resentment is that my H hasn't seemed to suffer at all and at the same time doesn't seem to want to try to work on moving forward either. He is just here waiting to see if he can feel anything again for me.<P>Anyway, from reading SAA, I would have to say that the answers to your questions are very positive! I would highly recommend it if you have not read it yet! It is what has given me the most hope and kept me from throwing in the towel!

YES! You can recover! and YES! it can start with you...and YES! it will seem very overwhelming at times...<P>Read all you can and gather support for yourself! This site has been tremendous support for me, but I also have friends, family and church.<P>I first analyzed the LB's I was doing and STOPPED! That's not to say I haven't slip-ped...but never at the magnitude pre d-day...reading Lovebusters was a big help!<P>Then I analyzed what my H was saying...what OW meant to him and why...and I began to do those things when he would let me...I LISTENED TO HIM...without judging or being critical...We went out and did things together and just had fun! We did things as a family...<P>How long before you see any progress? In my experience 3-6 months...and remember, it will be darkest before the dawn...<P>Finally, it seemed as if when I was at my wits end and just gave it up to God, that I got the answers I needed...<P>Good luck,<BR>Cali