Hey Lexx,<P> You may have already posted one somewhere that I have not seen. If so could you point me there. <P> I wonder about your situation everytime I see a reply on the threads. BTW, I think you have been giving some pretty good advice to some of us.<P> I know we had our words in the beginning, but I always respected your answers. I am glad you stayed around.<P> jd

Bump........come out come out where ever you are..... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>[ October 21, 2001: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]<p>[ October 21, 2001: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]

thanks for asking JD.<BR>I'm not usually around on the weekends -- so I wasn't ignoring you.<P>Its not good. I just don't feel much like talking about myself lately.<P>I never know what to expect with H. He goes from being friendly to raging. When he's calm, we don't talk much -- just the day to day stuff. Whenever we do talk it puts him into a rage. Then it gets really awful. <P>I appreciate you asking -- but I just can't post about myself. I already know that I will get the "what do you expect" responses.<BR>I'm not looking for sympathy from anyone, so its probably better that I just not talk about myself.

Lexxxy,<P>I, for one, wouldn't tell you "what do you expect". I know you hurt, I know you're here for a reason, you want to see if there is any hope for your marriage. I believe there is.<P>Have you contemplated giving your H SAA? or HN/HN?<P>I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now.<P>Lv,<BR>Jo

Ditto Resilient Lexxy...<P>We may disagree...but I don't like when people are in painful situations...I wish I could talk to your H and 'educate' him about how he can really save his marriage if he wants to...<P>It is sad when I read you write about his rages...but that's me... a fixer...<P>Cali

Thanks Resiliant and Cali -- really really thanks.<P>to answer your questions, we have all the MB books, done the questionaires and even counseled with Steve.<P>He just can't stop from major LB'ing. It might be somewhat peaceful for a day or two, but if he hears ANYTHING he doesn't want to hear, he goes into a rage that lasts for a couple days. <P>And I understand his anger and frustration. I'm very tired of constantly disappointing him. And I'm concerned about what his rages are doing to the kids (and for myself, this is no fun.)<P>He just wants things to be better immediately. And its not like that. I'm horribly horribly depressed.

Lexxxy,<P>Please forgive me, but I have a couple questions and can't remember your story precisely.<P><UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Has your H forgiven you for your A?<BR><LI>Does your H want your marriage?<BR><LI>Are you currently Plan Aing your H?</UL><P>I'm asking these questions because if your H has read the books and counseled with Steve, he must know his reactions are badly depleting your love bank balance.<P>Being a BS myself, I can imagine he may be feeling some moral indignation and hasn't done enough honest self examination to understand that he owns some of the reasons your marriage deteriorated. His part in this.<P>As far as his raging, he needs to get a handle on that. It's very destructive ... is he open to more counseling with Steve? Is Steve aware of his unwillingness to hear certain things [Radical Honesty] and his reaction to them [Rages]?<P>Jo<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lexxxy:<BR><STRONG>I'm horribly horribly depressed.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Oh, Lexxy,<BR>I'm so sorry to hear that things are so horrible for you. It IS a hard road through to recovery, when both partners are trying. I can't imagine how it makes you feel when one doesn't really know how, or maybe doesn't want to try. I'm wondering HOW LONG your H is going to feel like he's justified in "punishing" you, cause that's what it sounds like he's doing.<P>I will pray his eyes are opened and he will see the damage he's doing which may not be fixable for the long term. He may need help working through his pain, without wanting to give it all to you.<P>NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. I'm so sorry.<P>Lupo<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: lupolady ]

Hey Lexxxy,<P>Are you on anti-deps, Hon? If not, perhaps think about getting a prescription.<P>I was the last person on this planet wanting to self medicate, but it has helped me immensley.<P>Please don't hurt.<P>Jo<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

Lexx,<P> Thanks, for responding. I am sorry for your pain. And for your H's pain. <P> I'm not going to try and give you any advice. I know you have heard it all before.<P> I will say that I know about the rage your H is going through. Boy, do I know. It SUCKS!!!<BR>And, rest assured that he hates it too. He just doesn't know how to combat it. Is he on medication? Sounds like him and I both need to be....<P> Lexx, are you still seeing the OM?<P> Anyway, I am sorry for what you are going through. Please take care of yourself. <P> jd<P> jdmac1@yahoo.com